Pop Rocks

Pop Rocks: Let's Kill Osama Bin Laden Again, Hollywood Style

Today marks the one-year anniversary of Osama bin Laden's death at the hands of Navy SEALS (temporarily in the employ of the CIA, to make it all nice and legal). In just under 40 minutes, some two dozen commandos stormed the al Qaeda leader's compound in Abbottabad and shot him dead. After bin Laden's identity was verified, his body was flown from Bagram Airfield in Afghanistan to the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Carl Vinson and buried at sea.

What a gyp.

Osama bin Laden was a real-life supervillain. The mastermind behind the 9-11 attacks as well as the embassy bombings in Dar es Salaam and Nairobi was the most nefarious enemy our country has faced since the Cold War. And he died off camera. Are you kidding me? We wanted the Belloq death scene from Raiders, but what we got wasn't even the Indy-shooting-the-swordsman scene from Raiders.

This is America, dammit. We like our beer cold, our TV loud and our bad guys blown into atoms in widescreen Technicolor by a shirtless, cigar-smoking dude firing an RPG who immediately makes a wisecrack like, "Don't blow your top, bin Laden." In short, we wanted him to die more like one of these guys.

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar