Though it may seem like everything good and worthwhile ended this year – David Bowie and Prince's lives, Mythbusters, maybe American democracy – we actually have to wait till at least 2017 to see how Game of Thrones ends. However, before we can finally break free from the hellscape that has been 2016, we have to make it through the holidays. Which means we need to give gifts.
So, in honor of Game of Thrones' quickly approaching end, we combed through the HBO gift shop to find the best gifts for all the GOT fans who will soon be in mourning for their favorite show. We can't promise there won't be spoilers.
For the person who turns every TV show into a drinking game: Luckily, there are a lot of options here. “Drinkware” is its own category in the HBO online gift shop, with numerous mugs, pint glasses and growlers available for sale. But we've got to go with the “House Sigil Shot Glasses,” a set of 15 glasses, each emblazoned with a different Westeros house crest. If you're having a massive viewing party, you're covered; if you're drinking alone and want to honor yet another character's death, you can pour one out using the glass that wears that character's sigil. Plus, who hasn't always longed for a shot glass with a flayed man on it? (However, if the person you're buying for doesn't enjoy hard alcohol, “Valar Dohaeris Tripel Ale” is also available.)
For the person who has everything: Get him or her fancy rocks! Oh, we're sorry, we mean “Rhaegal Dragon Egg Paperweight,” a large, scaly green faux-rock named after one of Daenerys Targaryen's dragons. Or, if just one rock wasn't enough – and you like this person enough to spend $150 on the gift – “Dragon Egg Bookends” are also available, so that he or she can have replicas of all three of Daenerys's eggs.
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For the person who insists on calling action figures “figurines”: Give him or her a “Bloody Jon Snow Figurine” to prove that it's okay to be a grown-up who collects action figures, because only adults' action figures get to have chest and eye stab wounds. (But don't worry, Jon is still adorable – like all Pop! Funko creations, the figure has an oversized head and enormous black eyes that somehow walk the line between creepy and cute.) Make sure the person you give this to has watched through the end of the fifth season, though, or else you'll spend the whole day apologizing for major spoilers.
For the person who LARPs: Sure, you could just get someone a T-shirt with quotes from the show, which HBO offers, but you could also get him or her a full-on costume in the form of the “Jon Snow Peascod” or the “Eddard Stark Gambeson.” (We promise that these are not made-up words.) For anyone who indulges in Live Action Role Playing, the chance to don a GOT character's costume might just be a dream come true.
For the person who isn't caught up on Game of Thrones: Maybe he or she just started the series and binge-watched the first couple of seasons in a weekend – but hasn't finished season four. He likely hates Joffrey Baratheon and would happily welcome the “Joffrey Baratheon Figure,” which he can take out his aggression on whenever Joffrey whines, taunts Sansa or, you know, casually kills sex workers. The action figure also costs only about $18, which is pretty cheap for GOT merchandise. Just remove the price tag before you give Joffrey away, or else the person you gave him to might ask why the supposed King of Westeros costs so little.