Bharati Mukherjee Perhaps you've read Mukherjee's The Middleman and Other Stories, which won the National Book Critics Circle Award; or maybe her novel Jasmine, about a young Indian woman's grappling with scary American freedoms. Tonight Mukherjee reads from her new novel, Leave It to Me. 7 p.m. Brazos Bookstore, 2421 Bissonnet. Basking in the glow of high literature is free; the hardback costs $23.

tuesday
june 24
Two-for-one spaying "In heat" can be taken literally: Summer is peak breeding season for dogs and cats. To combat pet overpopulation, every Tuesday through July, the Fund for Animals Spay & Neuter Clinic will desex two of your beasts for the price of one. Operations for two male cats will cost a mere $15; for two females, $25. Two male dogs, $25; two females, $30. 1603 Shepherd Drive. To make an appointment, call 863-0010.

wednesday
june 25
Robert Schimmel "Sex is on the forefront and backfront of everyone's mind," says the standup comedian -- and it's also on the forefront, backfront and in-between tracks of his new CD, Robert Schimmel Comes Clean. That collection of stage bits, like his live act, overflows with f-words, p-words, c-words and more. The more tasteful moments include a fake ad for "Pina Colada Dick Mist" and a meditation on vibrating butt plugs. 7 and 9:30 p.m. Rockefeller's, 3620 Washington Ave, 869-8427. $17.50.

The Paladins The British music mags are mad for these California roots-rockers; the critics compare the band variously to Los Lobos, the Fabulous Thunderbirds and (our favorite) Jimi Hendrix, if Hendrix had toyed with country music. The sideburned trio are said to be at their best on the road, and they have the odometer to prove it: Their latest album, Million Mile Club, was named after their Chrysler van reached that mark. The Teddy Boys open at 10; Paladins at 11 p.m. The Blue Iguana, 903 Richmond (at Montrose), 523-