Ralphie May

Start your new year off with a heavy dose of truth from comedian Ralphie May. May is in Houston with a special New Year’s Eve show. “I am so excited,” May tells us. “Houston has always been my favorite place for New Year’s Eve, and this year I’m celebrating my 25th year [in comedy], so I said, ‘I want to be in Houston.’ And here I am.”

May, who attacks racism, corrupt government officials and the general state of stupidity in our society in his stand-up, promises he’ll be giving us more of the same at the one-night-only show. “Whatever you have been stressing about this year, I’m going to be talking about it.”

May admits his comedy can be off-putting to people who aren’t used to talking about such topics. “I’ve had a few really uptight audiences here lately. And I tell ’em, ‘I’m like a finger in your butt, uncomfortable at first but then not so bad. Just hang with me; let’s see where we go.’ Black, white or brown, I think we’re all racist and trashy to some degree. It’s when we don’t admit that that we get in trouble.”

After a quarter of a century in comedy, May is busier than ever with a just-completed television special, more in the works and a heavy tour schedule. He tells us he might, however, have to change careers and jump into, of all things, politics. “I’m gonna have to run for office here pretty soon. I keep talking about the same stuff and nobody’s fixing it. If nobody’s gonna fix it, I’ll fix it, damn it. We need to tell people they’re cocksuckers when they’re cocksuckers. Ted Cruz, he needs a good ‘Go fuck yourself!’ It might do him a world of good. I’d tell Ted Cruz, ‘Look here, the next time you fuck over the people of Texas, I’m gonna slap you just on principle. And I won’t wait until there’s a camera around; I’ll just pull you into some bathroom and smack you down.’ If we did that, I swear to God, it would be so much better. There would be so much less bullshit because people like Ted Cruz would know, he screws people around and he will get beaten. That would stop his shit right away.”

7 and 10 p.m. December 31; 8 and 10 p.m. January 2; 7 and 9:30 p.m. January 3. Improv Comedy Showcase, 7620 Katy Freeway. For information, call 713‑333‑8800 or visit houston.improv.com. $45 to $100.
Wed., Dec. 31, 7 & 10 p.m.; Fri., Jan. 2, 8 & 10 p.m.; Sat., Jan. 3, 7 & 9:30 p.m., 2014

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Olivia Flores Alvarez