There are a million reality shows on the naked television. We're going to watch them all, one at a time.
"I was out by myself in the graveyard
I was doing an interpretive dance"
- They Might Be Giants
Lifetime's Dance Moms was recommended for "Reality Bites" by a friend of mine who read my earlier recap of Toddlers and Tiaras. Not wanting to risk permanent damage to my immortal soul, I've been trying to space these quasi-child abuse shows out as far as possible. So I put off the inevitable for what I hoped was a satisfactory interval.
After watching DM, I now realize I could've gone my entire life without seeing it. It's stale and clichéd to talk about the end of civilization when you realize something like Dance Moms is in its second season, but if you squint your eyes just right, choreographer Abby Lee Miller and the six assembled mothers could almost pass for the seven-headed Beast from the sea described in the Book of Revelation.
It's in the Bible, people.