Pop Rocks

So Long, Black Eyed Peas. And Take _____________ With You

I suppose "taking a break" before that Super Bowl performance was too much to ask:

The Black Eyed Peas have denied rumors that they are breaking up but say they are taking a break from making music together for a while.

"We are not breaking up," band member Taboo told Reuters on Monday at a launch party for their video dance game, "The Black Eyed Peas Experience."

"We're going to take a little vacation and focus on our personal things," added Apl.de.ap, real name Allan Lindo, Jr. who will be focusing on his duties as ambassador for education in the Philippines.

One could make the argument BEP has taken a break from making music for the entirety o their existence, but let's not split hairs.

I, for one, welcome this brave decision. Now will.i.am can go back to voicing animated birds, Fergie can adapt to a more domestic life with Josh Duhamel, Apl.de.ap can enjoy his ambassador duties, and Taboo will, well, do whatever it is Taboo does.

But why stop there? If we're looking for celebrities and "artists" who need to take a break, I have a few suggestions.

Bradley Cooper

The "Sexiest Man Alive"appears to be following the Jason Statham career path of taking any role, no matter how mindless, and essentially making the same movies over and over again (I'll take Transporter 2 over The Hangover: Part 2 any day). At least Statham kicks lots of people in the face in all of his movies.

Those Kia Hamsters

Yes, I've seen The Wire, so I get the "Hamsterdam" reference. That doesn't change the fact that rodents are creepy, and man-sized rodents that drive cars and apparently take drugs (check out 0:09) are downright terrifying. Where's Omar when you need him?

Katy Perry

I think five #1 singles from the same album is quite enough, thanks. My issue with Perry isn't so much that she sings knowingly about blackout threesomes while likely never having engaged in one, but that in every one of her songs she yells at me: "BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIREWORK!" Okay, okay, jesus...take it easy.

Nick Swardson

The damage Adam Sandler has done to the American cinematic landscape far outweighs whatever goodwill lingers for Happy Gilmore. And if extending the careers of Rob Schneider and Kevin James wasn't enough, now he's forced this jokeless homunculus on us. Oh wait, novelty teeth are funny, right?

Jon Cryer

In trying to bring about the demise of Two and a Half Men, we've been paying attention to the wrong people (or "digging in the wrong place," as Sallah might put it). After all, Charlie Sheen's corpse will eventually be discovered in a Days Inn, wearing nothing but ear buds and Bjorn Borg wristbands, and Ashton Kutcher's career is undoubtedly at its peak. But as the so-called straight man in the whole affair, Cryer is the linchpin to this 18-wheeler of comedic misery. And we had such hopes for Duckie.

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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar