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The 10 Best Bioshock Items on Etsy

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When it came time to upgrade to a PS4, I went on a massive trade-in spree in order to afford the new system. While that did allow me to pick up the eighth generation console on my Ramen-noodle lifestyle salary, it did mean that a lot of games I normally would have enjoyed playing again wound up back in circulation. At the moment I'm going through rather severe Bioshock withdrawal, so I thought I'd take a look at the crafts on Etsy inspired by the game series to cheer myself up.

One of the enduring images of the Bioshock series is the juxtaposition of horror and emotion. The Little Sisters see the hulking big daddies as their heroes and protectors, and even craft small dolls to look just like them. CornFieldPrims cobbled together a very impressive re-creation of the dolls seen in the course of the game made out of felt, muslin, a baseball head, a corkscrew for the famous drill, and other insanely detailed little touches. It's not safe for children to cuddle with because of the sharp edges, but you really shouldn't be letting your kids play the game in the first place, so there's that.

Now, here's someone you can snuggle up with, provided you have $230 and like the feeling of suede that is. Kittencupcake offers these hand-stitched plush versions of the massive Songbird that are nearly two feet tall and made of high-quality Crypton suede. You can even have doll joints incorporated into the plush to make them more flexible and vastly increase the quality of their hugs. Songbird statue in picture not included.

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Everything good comes in liquid form in Bioshock. Plasmids, vigors, and wonderful, life-giving alcohol. That's not the drunk in me talking. You actually do get a small bit of life back in the back when you drink bottles of booze you find lying around. Celebrate that fact with a flask bearing the logo of my favorite vigor, the Murder of Crows. Nothing more fun than watching Handymen swat at the birds while you pump shotgun rounds into his conveniently exposed heart.

You find a lot of steampunk crap on Etsy claiming to be related to Bioshock despite the fact that the first two games are Art Deco mixed with dystopian German Expressionism and the third is more Coney Island meets The World of Tomorrow. Amid all the XBox controller shells that mix these design elements up the product EdgeWorks offers stands out. The white shell with its stitched design subtly calls to mind the masquerade masks of the party splicers, and the center is dominated by the ominous portholes used by the Little Sisters. These are just shells, mind you, but full controllers can be arranged if you don't feel up to doing the putting together yourself.

Speaking of splicer masks the best one on Etsy comes from right here in Texas thanks to Lauren Bonneau of McKinney. Made of high quality resins, this mask features golden accents, and highly realistic detail work hand-painted over clay. Perfect for hiding the scars of ADAM abuse.

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And now a little something for the Bronies. Who's that stalking the nighttime streets of Ponyville? Why it's a little sister Pony complete with syringe ready to drain every pony's corpse. Bethany Bryan creates these by sculpting modeling clay over a 1980's Pony, then painting and sealing the whole thing so it will stay good to go for years to come.

That's a hair bow, not a bow tie, in case you're wondering. Place one in your little girl's hair to telegraph to the world that you are willing to run a drill through the torso of anyone that threatens her.

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All joking aside, I really do love the way that the lost children of Rapture interact with their near-mindless golem pals. It's such a weirdly at-odds image that it adds a tremendous level of depth to the world of the series. Though you may not be thinking much about it when they're firing rivet guns at you, every Big Daddy is some little sister's Mr. Bubbles. There's a moral in that somewhere.

If you need pop culture Russian nesting dolls, Allie Stambaugh has you covered across the board. However, her Bioshock ones are even more awesome than her other offering because of the irony. Andrew Ryan built an empire under the sea in order to live the perfect life of unfettered American capitalism. Except Ryan wasn't American, he was a disillusioned Russian immigrant.

Nesting dolls aren't Russian either. They were originally made by the Chinese, then imported to Japan where eventually trade with Russia saw the Russians totally stealing the idea and making millions off of it. Considering the creator of the Big Daddies was a Chinese scientist that survived the Japanese invasion by supplying soldiers with opium until recruited by the Russian Ryan, there's a lot of little facades hidden insid... HEY!

Pretty sneaky, sis.

Last up are these custom-crafted fake fingernails to show off your Bioshock love with every gesture. They feature designs indicative of Ryan's Great Chain, the cage and the bird, and the two hulking protectors featured in the game. Josephine Ansell can customize them for your particular nail size at no extra charge, and the ends can be filed down to your preferred length. Nothing says you approve of a game based around genetic manipulation than by altering your appearance.

Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.

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