The 10 Most Annoying People That You Meet When Pregnant

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The Anti-Circumcisionists: Along the same lines are people who are vehemently opposed to circumcision, and as with belly touching I find it's really odd that strangers feel comfortable grilling you about your unborn son's dick. Try doing that when you meet your daughter's prom date and see if you don't end up on a bad, bad list.

I take no stand on whether you should circumcise a child or not. Millions around the world seem to get by fine without it and millions around the world seem to have enjoyable sex with it. That means there's enough wiggle room that maybe it's not all that necessary to accost people in the grocery store and call them barbarians while they're buying Fig Newtons.

See also: 10 Tips on Picking the Right Daycare Provider

The Natural Advocates: I'm not sure when as a species we turned giving birth into a competitive sport, but it sucks balls that we did so. More and more people have come to fetishize this idea of squatting amindst the flowers and trees and squeezing out your new life free of all chemicals and away from those liars in lab coats.

To them, a completely painkiller-free home birth is the only "real" way to do it and any other path is completely cheating. By their logic, stitches and air conditioning are cheating at life as well, though I'm willing to bet at the heart of it they're looking for validation for making something way harder than it's meant to be in a modern society.

The Anti-C-Sectionists: If you ever feel the need to comment on someone's C-section with anything other than the exact same questions you would ask a person who had any other type of abdominal surgery... don't. The goal is a healthy baby born to a healthy mother, not a round of "Whose Vagina Is The Toughest?"

The Secret Namer: Odds are you'll take some parenting classes, which are really helpful, Most of these obviously include other parents, and you do the whole "Go around the room and tell us a little about yourself" bit at first. This usually involves saying what you're having and your name if you've picked one.

"Our name is Top Secret," is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard someone say. Really? What they hell do you think is going to happen? Is someone going to hear your extra-special variation on Mackenzie and drop their intended moniker to steal it, thereby reducing your child's specialness by a factor of several Braxtons? No one cares. Just tell us the name so we can get on with learning to swaddle because making baby burritos is really hard and really important.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner