The 10 Most Annoying People That You Meet When Pregnant

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The MRA Paternity Dick: I don't know if women get this particular unpleasantness much, though judging by how much Men's Rights Activists like annoying strange women it's probably not unknown. In my case it was a constant stream of these professional point-missers lamenting that it sure was too bad the world was so sexist so as to not guarantee paternity leave.

Apparently these guys think that employers just up and offered maternity leave as a standard thing in many jobs out of the goodness of their hearts. No you craven creeps, they fought for that. You want to fight for it to be more standard for men too? Hell yeah, sign me up. If you just want to use it as an excuse to call women bitches find another ear canal to spooge in. My hearing is bad enough as it is.

See also: Decompression: A Parent's First Night Alone in Four Years

The Enabler: If you're doing the whole thing right then you as a pregnant woman have probably given up at least a few vices like smoking or drinking or that professional cage fighting career that was starting to take off in order to not turn your child into some sort of gill-mutant. These things are hard enough to stick to without that one friend who insists she drank wine throughout her pregnancy and everything turned out fine whenever you turn down a glass in her presence. There's a special place in hell for these people... all the food and drinks are only available in vending machines that keep spitting back your money.

The Pro-Life Acolyte: Nothing is more annoying than someone who thinks that the only thing keeping you from moving off Pro-Choice Boulevard to the upper-East side and Pro-Life Towers is the fact that you've never been pregnant before. Once you feel that life inside you, kicking all your meals back out through your throat, you will finally come to understand. Plus, hey, this is a perfect time to tell you about Jesus.

Look, I love my kid with all my heart, and holding her newborn form was an experience I will never forget. I'm still pro-choice, but babies are not magic conversion pills. Could we all please acknowledge that maybe we all came by our particular beliefs in this area through hard thought and genuine reflection? Probably not, because the thing you find out real quick you're having a baby is that people lose all damned respect for the right to not listen to strangers annoy you.

Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner