The worst thing is not that you've put off figuring out what you're going to be for Halloween. The worst thing is that you've put off figuring out what you were going to be for Halloween again. We understand the struggle. You manage to pull off something at the last minute, and as your Halloween is winding down, you say to yourself, "Never again!" and vow to be on the ball next year. And then the days become weeks become months become seasons, and every now and then you'll for a moment ponder Halloween, but it's still seasons then months then weeks then days away.
And then here you are.
That's not the only struggle, of course. This year has not exactly been the most friendly in terms of "obvious" costumes, with the exception of a certain law clerk who you should absolutely not be even though it would probably be pretty easy to pull off. Don't be that guy or girl. And don't be Pizza Rat either; pizza is for eating, not for wearing, and don't let that stupid pizza pouch tell you otherwise.
So what should you be then? Here are our top picks for 2015.
5. Texans Head Coach Bill O'Brien
The Texans' appearance on Hard Knocks might have been the best thing that's ever happened for Bill O'Brien, ignoring things like family and becoming a head coach in the NFL. We still miss our weekly peek behind the scenes with the Texans and their often foul-mouthed head coach. Fingers crossed that between when these words are written and Halloween itself rolls around, the Texans will have a winning record, or this outfit might hit a little too close to home for some.
4. A Kanye West Fashion Model
Real talk: I am a huge Kanye West fan. I think he is a musical genius and I don't care if you think he's a terrible person.
But his clothing line? Oh lord, where do we begin with his clothing line? How does a man so vibrant and full of life design clothes that are so dull?
This is likely the easiest costume on the list to put together because we've all got beige sheets and towels lying around not being used, because we like color. And if you party too hard and lose your glasses, fear not: Just tell someone you're a Mad Max extra. Maybe you can find a band of War Boys to join. That would be fun.
3. Jurassic World
The Avengers? Played out. Batman and Superman? That's next year, silly. No, if you want a movie-themed costume this year, you need to go big, and no movie this year has been bigger than Jurassic World. But why be one of the characters from the movie when you can be the best part of it: the park itself. Just make sure at some point in the night, you walk into a room blasting the original Jurassic Park theme music: That reveal gets me every time.
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SHOW ME HOW
2. 1989 Album Cover Taylor Swift
Want a costume guaranteed to get people to stop and take a photo with you? Make your own variation of the 1989 album cover and hit the town. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but people love Taylor Swift and they love this album. Just make sure you include the plastic wrap in the middle: that'll really help out the texture when you slap an Instagram filter on your shots.
1. Sexy Donald Trump's Hair
Listen, isn't it time we take sexy [noun] costumes to their logical conclusion. If the Internet has taught me anything (that I wish I could erase from my mind), it's that no matter what a thing is, someone, somewhere out there is sexually attracted to it. So why go mundane with sexy nurses and sexy firefighters and sexy Muppets when you can go all in and be sexy hair? You're going to meet a ton of Donald Trumps this year: At least you'll stand out from the crowd.