Since its opening in 1982, the Betty Ford Center has been a beacon of hope for many celebrities and other well-heeled figures who could afford expert care at high prices. There is a reason why the clinic is so star-studded. Take a look at their current rates for patient care. I don't know about you, but the figures alone would scare me off a crack pipe or bottle of bourbon.

Here's a partial list of some actors, actresses and musicians who have found themselves for one or more reasons behind the gates at the Rancho Mirage, California facility, and why they were there, more or less. OK, we fabricated the reasons, but still, they were there.

Ozzy Osbourne

Addiction: Bat blood.

Keith Urban

Addiction: Faked a painkiller addiction to escape wife Nicole Kidman's Botox-ridden face.

Johnny Cash

Addiction: Walking the line.

Jerry Lee Lewis

Addiction: Cousins.

Stevie Nicks

Addiction: Leather, lace.

Mary Tyler Moore

Addiction: Throwing things in the air in a triumphant fashion.

Robert Downey Jr.

Addiction: Career meltdowns and comebacks.

Elizabeth Taylor

Addiction: Marriage.

Lindsay Lohan

Addiction: Being a batshit, drug-addicted, recovering redhead.

Marlee Matlin

Addiction: Getting drunk and signing curse words at the children aboard school buses.

Kelsey Grammer

Addiction: Making strangers (OK, prostitutes) watch 1996's Down Periscope and forcing them to laugh.