Hollywood either hates us, or they really know what dipshits like, because by looking at the schedule of films coming for the next four years, most every huge studio tent-pole project is a sequel, a reboot, or a remake altogether. On the plus side, they have plenty of cool biopics in the works with some big names that are like nerd catnip for us.
We did an advanced search on IMDB and scoured film blogs to see what was up the sleeves of sleazy producers and Tom Cruise. It appears that some sort of copyright is about to run out on the Wizard Of Oz, because we noted about five or six projects dealing with the characters created by L. Frank Baum.
Remember most of these, thankfully, will not see the light of day as they are still mostly in development stages without casts or directors yet. We'd like to think most of them are only listed on IMDB to scare creatives into making original movies for us to watch.
The Dark Knight Rises This is all any of you care about, as far as 2012. How Anne Hathaway will look in her Catwoman suit is all I think about when I go to bed at night, second only to Tom Hardy as Bane. What? It's 2011, grow up.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2 It's being fashioned with the same CGI work that gave us Robert Zemeckis' works like A Christmas Carol and Beowulf. Kinda excited about seeing Jessica Rabbit again. I sure would hate it if Christina Hendricks got to play her, I tell you what.
Men In Black III
Bad Santa 2
The Expendables 2
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2
Sin City 2
Star Trek 2
Midnight Run 2
American Pie 4 Given the timeline of probable events since the 1999 original, someone is going to be dealing with a GILF or three and pregnant sex, mark my words.
Indiana Jones 5
Bad Boys 3
Die Hard 5
Lincoln This is going to have Daniel Day-Lewis starring as Honest Abe and it will be directed by Steven Spielberg, insuring at least a million Oscar nominations. Somewhere, method actor Day-Lewis is no doubt living in a log cabin in the Illinois wilderness.
Jackie Onassis Directed by Darren Aronofsky and starring Rachel Weisz, this Jackie O biopic will cover the former First Lady's life after JFK.
Nikola Tesla Christian Bale is working on this one before he suits back up as Batman.
J. Edgar Hoover
Reboots, Remakes, Big Screen Debuts
Spider-Man This is the movie that forced Emma Stone to dye her hair blonde for filming. It better be worth it. The Social Network's Andrew Garfield is playing the young Spidey in this reboot of the franchise.
Arrested Development A big-screen version of the hit Fox series is one of the most coveted films in 2012, or any year. Expect everyone to come back, except narrator Ron Howard, according to recent interview.
The Great Gatsby
My Fair Lady
The Neverending Story
The Rocky Horror Picture Show No thank you.
The Lone Ranger
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
The Little Mermaid
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Metal Gear Solid
World War Z
Rock Of Ages
Gump & Co. There's almost no way this won't suck, and we would hope this never reaches pre-production. The source material for Forrest Gump, Winston Groom's book of the same name, wasn't even the best selling point, it was the direction and performance of Tom Hanks. Gump & Co. was a dog of a novel. Not a good omen. It's been shelved twice as well.
Top Gun 2 This one is in the scripting stages as of now, with scribe Christopher McQuarrie doing the dirty work. Tom Cruise is already tentatively lined up to play the elder Maverick, who will more than likely be taking on a fatherly role, not unlike Tom Skerritt's bit in the first film. This will only work if Adam Lambert sings "Playing With The Boys" on the soundtrack.
Austin Powers 4 We would rather have a new Wayne's World movie quite honestly, with the boys trying to deal with the Internet, aging, hearing loss, and Justin Bieber.
The Brazilian Job
Old School Dos
The Hobbit 2
Independence Day 2 We didn't even ask for the first one. Welcome to Earf...
Iron Man 3
Despicable Me 2
Pirates Of The Caribbean 5
The Rise Of Theodore Roosevelt Of course Leonardo DiCaprio is attached to this.
Sinatra Since Martin Scorsese is attached, of course Leonardo DiCaprio is lurking around somewhere. Rumors also fly about Bradley Cooper as Sinatra as well.
Get Happy: The Judy Garland Story Say, how you gonna have a Judy Garland movie with Anne Hathaway? Why not Kiera Knightley.?
Mark Twain Val Kilmer makes total sense now, seeing as he's our generation's Haggard Marlon Brando.
The Muppet Man (Jim Henson Biopic)
Kitty Hawk & The Wright Brothers
Martin Luther King Jr.
Cleopatra Of course Angelina Jolie is looking into this role. There is justice in this world.
Mary Pickford Biopic: America's Sweetheart
Ripley's Believe It Or Not
Sal Mineo (James Franco Directing)
Reboots, Remakes, Big Screen Debuts
Oz: The Great & Powerful (Prequel) Johnny Depp is attached to Sam Raimi's flick centereing on the younger Wizard Of Oz and how he became a whiz of a wiz If ever a wiz there was.
Oz Wars From Internet rumors, it basically sounds like the young Wizard fights the Wicked Witch and her minions, ala Star Wars, with resistance fighters and everything.
Pepe Le Pew With Mike Myers. Gross.
The Fall Guy
The Incredible Mr. Limpet
Escape From New York
Emily The Strange
Dirty Dancing Heresy.
Green Day's American Idiot
The Toxic Avenger
Snow & The Seven
The Outer Limits
20,000 Leagues Under The Sea
Wicked The 2013 Oscar for Best Glamorous Everything has already been decided. Move on.
Kill Bill Vol. 3 Sounds like it could work, with Beatrix Kiddo teaching her and Bill's daughter B.B. the tricks of the family trade, and perhaps fighting new foes.
Beverly Hills Cop IV The odds of an awful rap soundtrack are almost as good as this film tanking. No doubt we will see a retiring Eddie Murphy having to train a young buck, and no doubt there will be shenanigans. Who knows, maybe it will be a chick this time. Ugh.
Independence Day 3 Jesus Christ.
Pirates Of The Caribbean 6
Remakes, Reboots, Big Screen Debuts
The Wizard Of Oz There is no hope. The only thing we can bank on is that 2012 is real and that we will all be wiped out before they even film a frame. God has a funny sense of humor. Maybe he's waiting for the day of the premiere to rip us up and start again.
The Addams Family Tim Burton is looking to do this one as stop-motion, the way he did Corpse Bride and James & The Giant Peach. Should be closer to the look of the original comic strip too that way.
The Silver Surfer
Fantasy Island This has Adam Sandler turd written all over it.
Jesus Christ Superstar
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Avatar 3 Arrrrrggggghhhh....