^
Keep Houston Press Free
4
| Lists |

The Maxim Hot 100: 10 Women That Should Have Made The List

Last week Maxim magazine unveiled their annual "Maxim Hot 100" list of the women that they think are the most 100 desirable women on the planet, or at least the ones that fit an age bracket, are most apt to get at least half-nude for a camera lens, or have a movie or album coming out soon.

Included on the list are the usual suspects, like Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, Diora Baird, Anna Faris, and Megan Fox, who seems to be slipping down the list year by year.

Having a new movie coming out is the only thing we can think of that vaulted haggard skeleton Cameron Diaz to number four on the list, a good 17 years since she was last conventionally attractive in The Mask in the summer of 1994. A whole generation of men point to that movie as her at her most hot, myself included.

Everything after that has been cringe-worthy, like that underwear scene in Charlie's Angels. Seeing her as a sex object in movies is hilarious at this point, adding a whole layer of groundbreaking farce to even the worst movies, like What Happens In Vegas. She can be funny at times, but trotting her out as a sex symbol is laughable. Diaz's spot on the list was most likely insured because of Bad Teacher coming out June 24. At least we can admit she's aged well?

She's a listed at #4, 52 spots ahead of Christina Hendricks of Mad Men, a course of events more tragic than any we could bear. At least she's above Jersey Shore's JWOWW, who comes in at #78.

We would cancel our Maxim subscription if we still got off to vanilla soft-core bikini pictures, articles on grilling meat, or putting roofies in that one bitch's Miller Lite. High five. But we understand that the list isn't reality, because it also leaves off the Progressive Car Insurance lady.

Topping the list is Rosie Huntington Whiteley, who we never heard of until this list was released. She's a Victoria's Secret model who, you guessed it, has a big movie release coming up this summer with Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. She looks kinda boring.

Of course we made a list of the 10 women that the Maxim folks left off. It was hard work, we gotta tell you, and we had to leave off secret desires that only we tell our closest friends about, like Camryn Manheim.

Alexis Krauss

The lead singer of indie-noise band Sleigh Bells, prone to wearing basketball jerseys, leggings, and sports a half-sleeve.

Kate Upton

Really? Really? No Kate Upton on this list? Am I blind? She posts near-naked pictures on her Twitter account and not a peep from Maxim?

Sasha Grey

The retired porn star is now a noted author, mainstream actress, photographer and artist.

Aubrey Plaza

Funny is sexy, and she has that mean indie girl thing happening that would scare away and/or emotionally level most Maxim readers.

Florence Welch

Lead singer of Florence + The Machine, and burgeoning pop star for the brainier set.

Emily Blunt

Call me crazy, but she was the second hottest thing in The Devil Wears Prada behind Meryl Streep. I could watch her clean up brain matter all day in Sunshine Cleaning with Amy Adams, who was also sorely missed from the Maxim 100.

Elisabeth Moss

Another Mad Men cast member, and star of last year's Get Him To The Greek. We've watched her blossom from a frumpy wallflower into a dominating office force for four seasons of the AMC show.

Kelly MacDonald

You may remember her from her turn in No Country For Old Men and as the jailbait in Trainspotting. She's currently on HBO's Boardwalk Empire. Maybe it's the accent?

Helen Mirren

Is there an age cap on the Maxim 100? There shouldn't be.

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Rashida Jones

Get into it.

Honorable Mentions

Kate Nash Emilia Clarke Sophie Turner

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.