Last week Maxim magazine unveiled their annual "Maxim Hot 100" list of the women that they think are the most 100 desirable women on the planet, or at least the ones that fit an age bracket, are most apt to get at least half-nude for a camera lens, or have a movie or album coming out soon.
Included on the list are the usual suspects, like Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, Diora Baird, Anna Faris, and Megan Fox, who seems to be slipping down the list year by year.
Having a new movie coming out is the only thing we can think of that vaulted haggard skeleton Cameron Diaz to number four on the list, a good 17 years since she was last conventionally attractive in The Mask in the summer of 1994. A whole generation of men point to that movie as her at her most hot, myself included.
Everything after that has been cringe-worthy, like that underwear scene in Charlie's Angels. Seeing her as a sex object in movies is hilarious at this point, adding a whole layer of groundbreaking farce to even the worst movies, like What Happens In Vegas. She can be funny at times, but trotting her out as a sex symbol is laughable. Diaz's spot on the list was most likely insured because of Bad Teacher coming out June 24. At least we can admit she's aged well?
She's a listed at #4, 52 spots ahead of Christina Hendricks of Mad Men, a course of events more tragic than any we could bear. At least she's above Jersey Shore's JWOWW, who comes in at #78.
We would cancel our Maxim subscription if we still got off to vanilla soft-core bikini pictures, articles on grilling meat, or putting roofies in that one bitch's Miller Lite. High five. But we understand that the list isn't reality, because it also leaves off the Progressive Car Insurance lady.
Topping the list is Rosie Huntington Whiteley, who we never heard of until this list was released. She's a Victoria's Secret model who, you guessed it, has a big movie release coming up this summer with Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. She looks kinda boring.
Of course we made a list of the 10 women that the Maxim folks left off. It was hard work, we gotta tell you, and we had to leave off secret desires that only we tell our closest friends about, like Camryn Manheim.
The lead singer of indie-noise band Sleigh Bells, prone to wearing basketball jerseys, leggings, and sports a half-sleeve.
Really? Really? No Kate Upton on this list? Am I blind? She posts near-naked pictures on her Twitter account and not a peep from Maxim?
The retired porn star is now a noted author, mainstream actress, photographer and artist.