The Top 4 George Carlin Essays (That Are Completely Bullshit)

I grew up on George Carlin, which explains a lot about me really. All joking aside, he was like having an inappropriate uncle full of wisdom and dirty words. Over the course of my entire growing up experience we would sit down to hear the latest HBO special from Brother George, to learn something new about ourselves, to laugh at what needed laughing at, and to experience that man's particular genius with words.

Now that he's gone, and that still doesn't seem possible, there's a glurge of people out there penning their own half-ass attempts to capture that unique combination of cynicism and whimsy that made Carlin one of the greatest of all time. That's fine, except they then sign his name on them, and that is not cool at all, son. You can't just elevate your crap to the level of a master with a forward button or a macro. You've got to earn that.

Since Carlin in gone, I thought I'd drop in real quick with four of the email essays I find infecting my newsfeed recently that Carlin absolutely did not say in hopes that when you see them in the future you will know that whoever felt the need to share it was basically indulging in intellectual extortion. You can Google the full texts if you must. I'm sticking with the highlighted quotes that prove they could not possibly be Carlin.

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Jef Rouner is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner