The Weirdest Wikipedia Pages Ever

It was a few days ago that I discovered that the distinct '80s American phenomenon of the wet T-shirt contest has its own Wikipedia page. Don't ask how I stumbled upon the page, because it's not like I didn't know how they worked -- hey, I grew up with late-night cable -- or even what they are. It must have been some magical flick of my Internet wrist.

This led me to looking into what other WTF pages Wiki has to offer, featuring Internet anons waxing scholarly about things that well, don't need to be written about in such serious terms, though the subheading about "the wetlook" was interesting. Did you know that wearing wet clothes for some is sexually arousing and that it is considered a fetish in some circles?

I thought that guy taking pictures of me on the treadmill was kind of odd...

Even stranger than these Wiki pages even existing is the notion that there are people who need them. Something like the "five second rule" should be a common idea, and not one that should be put into a grand encyclopedic compendium of knowledge.

Somewhere an alien is seeing that page and just assuming it's usual practice, and he/she/it will open a very dirty restaurant. Gleemdorp, you will lose your food license that way.

With the power of the search tool on Wiki, and my own random mind, and the help from friends, I discovered a few other pages that really exist. No, I wasn't just looking at things on my desk at the office.

More Cowbell Yes, that popular catchphrase -- seen on countless T-shirts and drunken Facebook updates -- was made famous by Christopher Walken during a sketch about the recording of Blue Öyster Cult's "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" on Saturday Night Live. In case you weren't sure where it came from, there is a detailed entry on the sketch, with notes on even the wardrobe. Weirdos.

The Ugly Stick

Your mom knows what the ugly stick is because she beat you with one every day when you were a baby! Ohh! Seriously, though, "the ugly stick" is also the name of a Newfoundland-native musical instrument, made with household tools.

Five Second Rule

This debunked kitchen and frat house superstition has its own wiki page, even though there are starving children in third-world countries who would kill to eat something even left on the ground for five days.


Sadly, I was hoping this page would mention something about those delicious little ice cream bites you get at the movie theater, also called Dibs. You can't eat just one, you guys.

Riding Shotgun

You make fun, but back in the old days this term described a person literally sitting in the passenger seat holding a shotgun. If Ted Nugent had his way today, this would be a federal law.

Rich Hall

The dude from Not Necessarily the News has a page and you don't, though he deserves it more than you do. You should invent something, sleep with someone famous, or kill someone to have your own Wiki page. That's the only way to have one, from what I have heard.

Corn Dogs

Mmmm, processed meats covered in cornmeal and fried on a stick! Did you know that early attempts at corn dogs didn't even have sticks? What a world to live in.

Gay Fuel

Gay Fuel was a Red Bull-style energy drink marketed to the gay community, with rainbows on the can. Sounds more like a lost Chappelle's Show sketch, right?

Hand Sanitizer

Yes, this is sitting next to my keyboard as I type this, but I was still curious. I just found out that people have been known to drink this stuff to get drunk. I assume it tastes like a really shitty vodka, the kind that comes in a dusty, plastic jug. You know, the good kind.


Whoa, you mean like books about writing books and stuff? Actually, popular sitcom Arrested Development is termed metafiction. At the next happy hour you go to, drop that on those highfalutin' Heights folks at the wine bar.

Side Boob

This naughty term for, you know, the side of a boob, has an alternate name: Tail of Spence. In case you don't want to get your knuckles rapped for saying the B-word. Lindsay Lohan hosted SNL this weekend so this was on my mind, I guess.

Fried Spiders

Coming soon to RodeoHouston. (Not really, but I wouldn't put it past them.)

Euthanasia Coaster

Just in time for Spring Break 2012 on the Jersey Shore. This art project doesn't exist, but it's just a matter of time.


Speaking of the Jersey Shore, Lohan and hand sanitizer, comes this entry about those things in the street that are filled with C.H.U.D. families and 40-foot alligators. According to Wiki, the city of Sacramento, California, renamed them "maintenance holes" back in 1990 because the term "manhole" was sexist.

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty