... ... Is it April yet? No? ... ... How 'bout now? Damnit.

What you just read is the play-by-play brain of a Whovian as we all sludge through time the slow way and in the right order, waiting for the last half of Series 7 and the 50th-anniversary celebrations. This is torture under any circumstances, but right now it's maddening because we're dealing with one of the greatest mysteries of the rebooted series. Namely, who or what is Clara Oswin Oswald?

She was a member of a doomed spaceship that crash-landed into the Dalek asylum, only to be transformed into a Dalek herself. Despite her ordeal, she found the strength and intelligence to fight back and even aided The Doctor in escaping the planet. It's presumed she died when the Daleks themselves blew up the asylum.

Then, during the Victorian era in England, she appeared again in the guise of a barmaid and a governess. It wasn't revealed until the very end that the 19th-century Clara was in fact connected to Oswin at all until she repeated her final words to The Doctor before she died, the same words she left him with in the asylum.

"Run, you clever boy...and remember."

Previews for the upcoming season show her in yet another setting, probably modern-day England. Now we have to wait at least three months to find out how this all ties together, but in the meantime fans are feverishly trying to deduce the answer. Listed in order of awesomeness (not probability) are the best they've come up with.

10. Oswin is a regenerated River Song. Probably the most standard theory is that Oswin has some sort of connection to River, even possibly being another incarnation of the half-Time Lady. Problems with this include the fact we know River used up all her regeneration energy to restore The Doctor in "Let's Kill Hitler" and the Daleks are unlikely to have transformed a Time Lord into one of them. Then again, these were insane Daleks, so there's that.

9. Oswin is an aspect of the Great Intelligence. Having been intimately connected with The Great Intelligence in "The Snowmen," Oswin may have become able to astral project as it does and transfer her essence to future bodies in order to survive.

8. Oswin is some kind of divinely appointed companion. Speculation on this draws mostly from the meaning of both Oswin and Oswald, which mean "Friend of God." Clara means "Bright," another word for clever. "The Snowmen" makes direct reference to the universe owing The Doctor, very close to being a God himself, something. Maybe the universe finally delivered.