Top Five: Thanksgiving Dinner Interrogation Questions/Answers

It started with a pinching of your cheeks. A vigorous pat on your head. Now, it's turned into a full scale interrogation.

Thanksgiving dinners signify togetherness and appreciation. They may also signify the first time in 365 days that you've seen your parents and close relatives.

The dreaded Q&A begins. And naturally, you are on the answering/averting end. The hackneyed queries are much like the turkey on the table--stuffed with varying-degrees of resentment, obliviousness and judgment. However, your replies don't have to be appeasing and civil. Garner the upper hand with these verbal volleys:

5. Q: When are you two getting married? A: Remind me--how long have you two been divorced? We live in Texas--it may be a while. When was the last time you got laid?

4. Q: Are you still single? A: Are you still in a joyless, cardboard marriage--raising children to be as miserable as you someday? You see how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet.

3. Q: Wait, you're still not done with school? A: Sorry, accredited schools take a little longer. It's called a double major.

2. Q: When are you gonna find a real job? A: I play an imaginary character--the job is real. You mean a job that interests me, fulfills me creatively and makes me happy? I have that. When you find some real breasts.

1. Q: You voted for whom? A: We share genes, not political views. Wait, you said WHOM? This was an election, not "Dancing With The Stars."

BONUS Q: When are you two gonna make us grandparents? A: Sorry, we like our prophylactics. Remember those questions about a "real job" and "finishing school"?

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >