Trailer Park: First Look at the New Snooki-Stained Three Stooges Is Harmful to Pregnant Or Nursing Women

Today the trailer for the Farrelly Brothers' long-gestating Three Stooges feature film dropped online. Dropped is a good word, because it evokes pain, injury and feces. Okay, strike that. Any trailer that features nubile lingerie/bikini model Kate Upton as a nun in a two-piece lace habit isn't so bad. But it doesn't make up for Will Sasso as Curly, Will & Grace alum Sean Hayes as Larry or that one dude from 24 as Moe. Remember at one point that this flick was supposed to have Jim Carrey, Sean Penn and Benicio Del Toro as the titular -- huh huh -- characters. We're a long way from Ace Ventura, Matthew Poncelet and Che Guevara here.

Did we need this to land in our laps this close to the holiday season, the season normally reserved for love and giving? Does Snooki need to be involved in any way? Why don't they make more movies featuring bangable nuns? What's with the Nutty Professor font in the titles? How many times can you see someone get racks in the testiculars?

The answers are no, no, Hollywood hates us, it conveys extra whimsy, and not nearly enough.

Find out for yourself on April 13, 2012, if this Stooges is worth the squeeze. Or don't, and just wait for it to come on network TV in the middle of an Astros rain delay in five years.

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