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Trailer Park: The Wolverine? More Like The Coolverine, Amirite?

No? Not funny? Okay, never mind then.

Today the domestic trailer for The Wolverine hit the Internet, with the film clawing its way into theaters on July 26.

That's like eons away. Months even. Did we ask for another Wolverine picture? I liked 2009's X-Men Origins: Wolverine just fine, but it's just that...I wanted a Gambit movie really bad instead of this. Imagine the Las Vegas tie-ins!

In this trailer, we find Wolverine -- Logan if you nasty -- back in Japan and fighting bad Japanese people. Well, would you look at that; he can survive a nuclear blast. The whole thing seems to be an excuse for Hugh Jackman to wear fancy black-on-black suits and to have an Asian girlfriend.

As you can already tell, I am a very learned Marvel scholar.

It is funny to me now that in the last few superhero trailers -- this, the Man of Steel -- a hero's struggle and torment is indicated by his beard growth.

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If this were true of normals, every man in Austin would be some sort of super mutant, capable of projecting vast amounts of superiority, coffee knowledge and metal intellect.

Well...

Here is the international trailer if you just have to see that, too. NOW GET BACK TO WORK.

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