How do you describe a sucky commercial in just 140 characters? Last week the microblog site, Twitter, showcased its first commercial to really, really bad reviews. From Adweek to MSNBC to Gawker, everyone was Tweeting the same thing -- this commercial is crap.
Not that Twitter needs to be spending big bucks on advertising. In March of 2011, the social media platform boasted a billion Tweets sent out each week and that number is continuously growing. Despite its popularity, Twitter never seems to be tooting its own horn. Unlike... eh hm... other social media sites, we think Twitter is genuinely not out to take over the world, and we appreciate that. We're even pretty keen on Twitter co-founder Biz Stone, who has proven to be pretty hilarious. So when the Negative Nancys lambasted the ad, we refused to retweet. That is, until the commercial's tagline:
"Twitter, faster than Earthquakes."
Sorry little blue bird, but that line is just #totalsh*t.
Mistakes happen, and we're sure Twitter will update our feeds with an amazing counter ad in record time. In the meanwhile, Art Attack thought we would throw our Mad Men fedoras into the ring to pitch some of our own social media tag lines.
13. Foursquare: So everyone knows that you do stuff.
12. Friendster: LMFAOAOTFFTIFE that you are still on this site.
11. Flickr: I'll show you my 4 billion images if you show me yours.
10. YouTube: Hollywood just called and they want to exploit you for your 12 million hits and then mock you in the same sentence, but OMG you were just on Tosh.0!
9. Yelp: Putting your complete trust in complete strangers.
8. Plaxo: Who are we and why do people you know keep asking you to join?
7. Facebook: If you just woke up, ate breakfast, had a baby, your baby did something cute, had a bad day, don't really want to tell people what's going on but want them to ask, are hoping for comments on your 365 Day Challenge or videos of your dog, took awesome pictures of you and your friends last night drinking cocktails and think you all looked really hot, have a great link to share that you want others to think highly of you for sharing, have something political to say on abortion that strangers need to know about, want to promote your band/danceshow/artshow/business/new video/great deal on high heeled shoes or you need a place to decry that you are canceling your Facebook account... Facebook is there for you.
6. Tumblr: I'm not a blog. I just said, I'm not a blog!
5. StumbleUpon: Oh, someone else thought this was cool? Well then, it must be.
4. Google+: We will take over the world eventually... just... shut up and get in a circle!
3. Myspace: If this is your band's only Web site, you are probably not going to make it.
2. LinkedIn: The last place on the Internet that potential employers can go and not find out that you are a drunk and your friends are dicks.
1. Wikipedia: Because 91,000 contributors completely devoid of any real journalistic integrity or factual evidence can't be wrong.
For your viewing pleasure, the Twitter Earthquake Commercial.
