Wax Fantastic

SAT 7/31

DJ Keoki is perhaps most notorious for his proximity to the late-'80s NYC dance-scene murder chronicled in the book Disco Bloodbath, which in turn inspired the flamboyantly grotesque Macaulay Culkin not-quite-comeback movie Party Monster (now available at a video store near you). Keoki provided the soundtrack to the film, which depicts in squalid detail the cold-blooded, drug-fueled murder of scenester Angel Melendez by wacked-out club promoter Michael Alig. While the honor of being played by that Fez guy from That '70s Show would be plenty of juice for most mere mortals, turns out there's a whole lot more in Keoki's glass. One of the most long-lived and respected dance music practitioners working, the El Salvador-born, Hawaii-raised Keoki has also toured with Lollapalooza and appeared in cartoon form on The Simpsons. His crucial transition from merely creating soundscapes with other people's already existing recordings (i.e., deejaying) to Full-Fledged Artiste was accomplished with the release of his "Caterpillar" single in 1997. Since then, there's been no looking back for Keoki. He made music-biz headlines in 2001 with his vehemently pro-Napster views, even recording the track "Pass It On" specifically for trading on the Net. Now comes Keokiclash, a new full-length CD created in conjunction with London DJ-producer Paul Edge that evinces a newfound fascination with electro and provides a showcase for this legendary beatmeister's prowess on the mythical wheels of steel. 8 p.m. Saturday, July 31. Numbers, 300 Westheimer. For ticket information, call 713-526-6551 or visit www.numbersnightclub.com. $14. -- Scott Faingold

The Twisted Fork's Midnite

I was on a birthday bender. Jim-fest just kept rolling on. I tripped into the Twisted Fork Kitchen & Bar (1200 McKinney, 713-650-9400) and sat waiting for my woman to meet me for a drink. Kyle the bartender set me up with something they call a Midnite, a potent little number sure to calm my nerves, which I needed after being insanely drunk for five days running. During that time, I'd somehow managed to get kicked out of two bars, alienate my three known friends and -- this is the worst -- spend a night on the town with a couple, only to realize, way too late in the game, that they were swingers. I needed some alone time, I decided, to reflect on my strict Baptist upbringing. Or maybe I just need another drink. I quaffed the black concoction, remembering a long-ago episode when I inhaled a bottle of Absolut Kurant at a going-away party outside Warsaw. I got so damn sick in the woods that night, I swear I made a pact with the devil. And where was he now? All around me, couples were laughing out loud as the Astros finally kicked some long-overdue ass. Meanwhile, I was throwing back vodka like it was mama's milk. Just as I looked up to see my lady walking through the front door, I knocked my cocktail all over my, well, lap.

1-1/2 ounces Absolut Kurant vodka
3/4 ounces Razzmatazz liqueur
Splash of Sprite
Black grapes

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and measure out vodka, Razzmatazz and Sprite. Shake like you do in the morning, before your first drink. Strain into martini glass and garnish with two, maybe three, black grapes. Great for church retreats, picnics with your psycho, chain-smoking sister-in-law or solo afternoons in a dark closet. -- J.W. Crooker

Dancers' Union

SAT 7/31

Ever since Rent started up at Helios last fall, it was clear that the monthly party was destined for greatness. Eventually its faithful -- and attractive -- entourage moved to Union, bringing its extremely danceable blend of house classics. The party is celebrating its one-year anniversary at the club this weekend. Nowadays it offers purity for the music snobs, nostalgia for onetime disco lovers and just a damn good party for the rest of us, featuring Michelle Weeks and DJs Little Martin, Chris Sill and Michael DeGrace. 9 p.m. Saturday, July 31. 202 Tuam. For information and tickets, call 713-533-9600 or visit www.upsidedownhouse.com. $15. -- Julia Ramey

Jug Judging

SUN 8/1

Think you're hot stuff in a two-piece? Here's a chance to pocket some cold cash: At the Texas Bikini Team club finals, winners will nab $500 in prizes and advance to the state and national finals this October in the Bahamas. Those bountiful babes will also demonstrate exactly why everything's bigger in Texas when they pose for the 2005 Texas Bikini Team calendar, sporting microscopic strips of red, white and blue material. And should you need to loosen up before baring your bod, Jell-O shots will be sold to, um, enhance the contest experience. 4 p.m., Sunday, August 1, Wolfies Restaurant, 4438 FM 1960. For information, call 281-440-9653. Free. -- Greg Barr

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