As the school year winds down, it's always nice to think about the teachers who put up with your nonsense all year long. The standard apple gift just doesn't cut it anymore, so we scoured through our favorite random collection of refuse website, Etsy, to find some of the worst/best gifts for your favorite professors.
10. Vintage Speak and Spell This is not to say that your teacher does not know how to spell but just sometimes, maybe, you've caught him or her flopping the Es and Is in the word "science." Why is English so hard?
9. Vintage Pulp Paperback Print Have you been staring longingly at your elbow-patched Economics' professor all semester? Is he just the dreamiest when he discusses supply and demand chain? This vintage pulp print might just be the most subtle way to tell him your feelings without having an awkward, "You know I am very fond of you too, Jenny, but..." conversation. Perhaps he's been pining over you as well and together you can plot to kill his wife and run away to Cuba with her large inheritance. Crazier things have happened!
8. Divination Necklace Oh, you are not just a school nerd, but a real nerd and you think that you go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As you will. Give your fav witch or wizard teach this necklace and then attempt to explain to them how Professor Sybill Trelawney considered dream interpretation to be "a most important means of divining the future." And then go drink Tang you nerd.
I guess the Facebook "like" is the new gold star. Gold star to whoever came up with this stamp idea then.
6. Apple Cozy Even apples get cold sometimes and need a nice sweater. But isn't the purpose of a cozy (beer cozy) to have something warmer so you can hold your beer because it's too cold to do so with your hands? That and to show off your red neck love of NASCAR. An apple cozy will make the delicious fruit a bit difficult to eat, no? So, what are you supposed to do with this exactly?
Oh yeah, that's really what your teacher wants, some make your own chocolate milk packets. Thank you and fuck you.
Nothing says, "Sit down and relax. You've had a tough day teaching those snot-nosed kids about why there are three branches of government. I know your life is miserable and you drink box wine alone in your apartment with your five cats while watching DWTS, which you actually have a vested interest in. Here's this really comfortable pillow for you to rest your weary back against," like a burlap pillow.
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It's hard to say what type of teacher or professor you might buy this gift for. If you have a professor that resembles a goat, as in eats all of your papers this might be a good fit. What I find most interesting about this item is now having the knowledge that bobble heads have been around for so long that you can find one that is designated as "vintage.". Who knew?
2. Cross a Science professor and a bee What happens when you cross a science professor with a bee? Whatever this thing is, I guess.
This is just what every teacher is hoping for after a long year of dealing with your ADD child, some milk in a custom made container. And then what do you do with the container to hold onto this precious memory? Do you keep a nasty old milk container? That cannot smell good after a week or two days just like the way you send your kid to school.