A few weeks back we polled our male friends on Facebook and Twitter about what makes them cry. It could be anything, movies, music, life, or certain situations. Other than inducing our own crying jags, we found out that us dudes are balls of nerves, hair, and emotion who blubber more if not just the same amount as women purport to.
This was all brought about by a male-tears epidemic over the past year. Just a few weeks ago, men were admitting to crying while watching the episode of Glee where Kurt sings "I Want To Hold Your Hand" to his father. The Chilean miners being rescued and reunited with their families made a lot of men get teary earlier this month.
2008's Marley & Me became the Achilles Heel for almost every man in America with a heart and memories of a departed dog after it was released on DVD. Even Owen Wilson's annoying ass was tolerable for those two hours. It made Old Yeller look like Anchorman.
Marley held sway until last year's Up came out, and the five minutes chronicling Carl and Ellie's ... sorry, be back in a second. Sniffle.
OK, shit, that got weird. That scene in Up became the "Stairway To Heaven" of clips that made us men get teary. Even writing about it with just the music playing in the background made us lose it. They loved each other so much! Jesus Christ!
Admit it, you wanna cry right now.
What gets us personally crying the most? Well, that part in Forrest Gump when Forrest asks Jenny if his son is also "like him," Joe Strummer's version of "Redemption Song" from his last, posthumous album, and any number of George Strait songs, especially "It Ain't Cool To Be Crazy About You."
Over the course of writing this blog, doing research and asking questions, we found ourselves hunched over our desk trying to hold it together. We watched a lot of Beavis & Butthead to counteract the tears, but then somehow the idea of two friends being so close got us misted up, so we probably have a chemical imbalance now. When B&B didn't work we switched to listening to Limp Bizkit and it helped. Thanks a lot, past drug use, on both accounts.
(We'll just keep going down the list. Keep it together.)
Toy Story 3 This one makes you never want to ever give away or get rid of any of your toys, office supplies, tires, or jars of piss.
"Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen or anyone else.
JFK Jr. Saluting His Father At His Funeral
Field Of Dreams
Good Will Hunting Take your pick: Be it Danny Elfman's score, the scenes with Robin Williams, or the ending when Will goes after Skylar. Even Casey Affleck jacking off in a baseball glove makes us cry.
"Cat's In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin
Rocky III when Mickey Dies
Little League Baseball
Weddings Even being piss-drunk and a groomsman didn't stop us from getting our wet on during a buddy's service in January.
Band Of Brothers
Saving Private Ryan
Dogs Dying Who's wearing his dog's old ID tags around his neck even months after she died? This guy. Shut your face.
Father/Son Imagery Anything with sons and fathers bonding will induce the water works. Playing catch, fishing in a creek, driving, hugging, saying goodbye ...
Your Children Being Born Duh, if this doesn't move you, you're an automaton.
The Royal Tenenbaums One friend remarked that the part in the ambulance when Royal is dying and he holds Chas' hand makes him weep every single time. See, fathers and sons are universal.
Women Crying, Especially Your Mother
Terminator 2: Judgment Day Ending He may be a cyborg, but when he lifts himself into the vat of molten steel after you've spent two hours watching him be human, you get a little emotional.
Johnny Cash & June Carter's Marriage You always figure that if she could be enough of a saint to put up with his shit, maybe there's hope for you too.
Justin Townes Earle's "Mama's Eyes" If you have any sort of weird relationship with your father, this song will make you run into a corner and get misty with it.
About Schmidt The sight of all-time badass Jack Nicholson crying after reading the letter from his sponsor child Ndugu makes you feel like crying with him.
"I miss you Jenny."
Samuel Barber's "Adagio For Strings"
Armageddon Bruce Willis gives his life so his daughter and her boyfriend can be together. Even though it's John McClane and Ben Affleck, it gets to you.
Mace If you get this in your eyes, you'll more than likely cry.
Being Punched Or Kicked in The Balls Works every time.
Beck's Sea Change Anyone who's gone through a break-up the past decade has probably spent time with this album. It's like a modern day Blood On The Tracks.
Extreme Home Makeover If this makes you cry, especially if you watch it with a girlfriend, you'll more than likely reap some sort of reward. If the bus reveal doesn't finally get you, the sight of handicapped kids smiling in their new house will.
Brian's Song An old but a goodie. This probably even made your grandpa cry.
Shawshank Redemption "Brooks Was Here"
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind "Meet me in Montauk..."
Matchbox Cars There's something innocent about the little metal cars that reminds you of being little yourself, and not having any cares. Then you look up at a pile of bills and the cruel world, and you wish all you had to worry about was not scuffing the tiny plastic windshield.
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The Green Mile
Lou Gehrig's Farewell Speech