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Who Watches Maury? 5 Types of People, According to the Commercials

I love Maury. He's the best. I don't know how he sleeps at night, but I would imagine quite comfortably on mattresses stuffed with crisp $50 bills and pieces of real moon rock.

The only real issue I have with his show is the lack of variety. You used to be able to expect more out of the show than the "Who's the Father?" format. There were "Is It a He or a She?" shows and "Nerd to Hottie" shows, in which desperate, fragile people got to show off their newfound hotness to old high school crushes or bullies. Good, but not as good as the "Out of Control Teens" episodes -- one girl had sex for a cheeseburger!

People often say, "Who watches that shit?" Well, obviously, me, for one. But other than me, who seriously watches Maury? There's a way to tell: the commercials.

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Sam Brown