You Art Where You Eat: Food Trucks

These days, it's hard to pull out of your driveway without T-boning a food truck. And really, this is not a bad problem for us to have. I mean, what kind of society were we before we could get truffled bacon dogs at 2 a.m.?

I got a problem, though. So while I'm 100 percent sure that this city needs more places to consume calories, I'm never completely certain of what kind of calories these trucks actually serve.

I think I have an idea of what the general menu is for these things. Most of them serve some sort of pork deal that's fried, and probably some sort of doughed-up thing that is also fried. But often I'm left guessing at what I'd get from a truck.

They use generic names for their trucks that relate to the fact that they serve food, from a truck. They put vague food-related imagery on the side real big, to convey that some sort of food is indeed served from their truck. What kind of food, you ask? Who cares! Food in a truck! I'll have a food!

And so I'm left guessing, looking at the paint job on the side of the fucking truck, trying to figure out from a distance, while I'm hammered, what kind of weird thing they're frying up inside.

Fortunately, I've got the power of critical thinking, and can figure it out on my own.

I should state at this point, just to be clear, that I haven't eaten at any of these trucks, and have no knowledge of what they actually serve. I'm just going to guess based on appearance.

The Rolling Hunger

If you paint your food truck bright orange or bright yellow, I'm going to assume your truck is full of used hypodermic needles and cadavers. Add an apocalyptic zombie movie font? I'm going to assume your truck is full of used hypodermic needles and cadavers.

It took me over a month of seeing this truck to realize that the "saw blade" in the logo is actually a plate.

I'm going to live under the assumption that The Rolling Hunger serves raw meat, and possibly tools.

H-Town StrEATS

H-Town StrEATS makes me laugh every time I see it. It's funny, kinda crappy, doesn't take itself seriously, and looks like an ice cream truck. I picture it disappointing children everywhere. Poor kids run up for some ice cream, and leave with fried mushrooms.

H-Town StrEATS likely serves everything but ice cream.

Eatsie Boys

I don't know what kind of food the Eatsie Boys truck serves, but from the look of the truck, they serve salads. Leafy green salads, kale, maybe a good spinach salad. Every day the owners of this truck want to go out and hug the world with a salad.

The owners of the Eatsie Boys truck are vegan and they travel the world on bikes. They also listen to hip-hop while they bike.

Zilla Street Eats

Pretty sure Zilla serves chicken.

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