Film and TV

Your 2012 Emmy Awards Recap-a-Palooza

For those who care about such things, the 64th Primetime Emmy Awards aired last night. Hosted by late night mook Jimmy Kimmel, the program awarded the creme de la creme of last year's television programming. And also Jon Cryer.

If you're the gambling sort, I hope you had money on Homeland, Modern Family, and HBO's Game Change. In other words, I hope you didn't take my predictions too seriously (I was seven for 15, but who's counting?). And if you did, well...gambling's very bad for you.

What follows are my more or less stream of consciousness ramblings from the broadcast, which can best be summed up with, "Seriously, Kevin Costner beat Benedict Cumberbatch?"

Did I mention Jimmy Kimmel hosted? Well, he did, and hit the ground running. His pre-show skit consisted of his dealing with the aftereffects of a botched Botox procedure. That's right, people are still making cosmetic surgery jokes in 2012. And then he mispronounced "Honey Boo Boo." Couldn't they get somebody who works in television?

The newly single Amy Poehler emerged from mourning to present an award (see below). You know, I thought my former girlfriend cornered the market on the post-relationship middle finger to the ex when she slept with two of my friends, but Poehler's dress was a close second.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES goes to Eric Stonestreet. The "Modern Family award" indeed goes to a MF actor, just not the one I picked. This would be the first in a long an boring series of wins for the show.

I didn't believe for one minute presenters Jim Parsons and Zooey Deschanel had ever spoken before their Comedy Writing award presentation. But no matter because OUTSTANDING WRITING IN A COMEDY SERIES went to Louis C.K. I didn't include the category in picks this one, but I totally would've gone with Louie. For reals. His show is occasionally uneven, but for sheer balls no one else on TV even comes close

Oh hey, Kat Dennings. Sorry you're up there with that goofy hack Jon Cryer.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES is Julie Bowen. Seriously people, Modern Family hasn't been funny in two years, yet it would go on to win some eight thousand awards. And of course, as soon as I said that, it wins Best Directing as well. Once again I've proven I have my elbow firmly planted on the pulse of America.

Mindy Kaling comes out to co-present the Best Comedy Actor award, and I can't help but have a sinking feeling her upcoming show (The Mindy Project) is going to bomb like the Enola Gay.

BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES is...Jon Cryer? I picked Jim Parsons, but really, it was America who lost last night, because Two and a Half Men is reason enough for hostile aliens to descend from the cold reaches of space and obliterate mankind.

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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar