Your Meme of the Week: Things With Faces

Things With Faces scares me, because when I was a little kid, I used to see faces in things. And then I would imagine them eating me. Appliances like clothes dryers, dishwashers, cars, things like that. So seeing faces in everyday objects may be fun for you, but it's all about opening old wounds for me.

Everything child-related in the '80s had to use personification. Choo-choo trains, food, even training toilets. Remember the trees in Wizard Of Oz? They wanted to eat you. The furnace in Home Alone? It wanted your bones. Mac Tonight, that old McDonald's spokesmoon? He would probably bite your face given the chance. Plus, he was more than likely a drug-addict, being a jazz musician and all, so he would molest you too.

It also didn't help that I learned about the theory of reincarnation at an early age, which led me to think that maybe everyday objects would have the souls of humans in them. Criminal souls that wanted to eat children. I swear to God my parents didn't take acid before I was born.

So here comes Things With Faces, one of the scariest memes I've brought you since Ham-Face Girl.

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty