Things With Faces scares me, because when I was a little kid, I used to see faces in things. And then I would imagine them eating me. Appliances like clothes dryers, dishwashers, cars, things like that. So seeing faces in everyday objects may be fun for you, but it's all about opening old wounds for me.
Everything child-related in the '80s had to use personification. Choo-choo trains, food, even training toilets. Remember the trees in Wizard Of Oz? They wanted to eat you. The furnace in Home Alone? It wanted your bones. Mac Tonight, that old McDonald's spokesmoon? He would probably bite your face given the chance. Plus, he was more than likely a drug-addict, being a jazz musician and all, so he would molest you too.
It also didn't help that I learned about the theory of reincarnation at an early age, which led me to think that maybe everyday objects would have the souls of humans in them. Criminal souls that wanted to eat children. I swear to God my parents didn't take acid before I was born.
So here comes Things With Faces, one of the scariest memes I've brought you since Ham-Face Girl.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.