What Your Favorite Mainline Final Fantasy Game Says About You

"I picked a game at random, I swear!" - the author
"I picked a game at random, I swear!" - the author Screencap from Final Fantasy XII
This year is the 25th Anniversary of the debut of Final Fantasy as a series. I’ve been obsessed with it since I first read about it in Nintendo Power and have played every mainline title at least once. So today, let’s look at what your favorite game says about you. Sequels, spin-offs, and remakes are all included under their original game’s entry as this is a personality test, not a quality ranking.

Final Fantasy

You can hold a grudge for decades until you’re prepared to overcome any obstacle, including beating a game that kicked your ass when you were seven. It makes you happy when things are simple, both mechanically and morally. There is a crystal or shiny rock in your house that has special significance.

Final Fantasy II

You have a crippling hot takes addiction. Your social media posts have gotten you in trouble multiple times, and you have a speech about the futility of voting ready to go at a moment’s notice. There are weapons in your house, and you know how to use them.

Final Fantasy III

You are laid back. In your cupboard are so many cool mugs that half of them see more dust than tea or coffee. You may not call or see your friends as much as you should, but you love them dearly. Everyone at the nearest used bookstore knows you on sight.

Final Fantasy IV

You have approached at least one author of a book you loved as a child to tell them shyly how much they meant to you, and you have a favorite play by Shakespeare. However, your childhood was, you have vowed to be better for your kids if at all possible. People describe you as “broody.”

Final Fantasy V

When you were a kid, you never used the instructions that came with your LEGO. There’s a good chance you speak Japanese and are in some way a gay pirate. You’ve always wanted to own an exotic pet.

Final Fantasy VI

You are prone to extreme multiple fan obsessions. Never not once have you skipped the intro on a television show, and your ringtone is a theme song. You have absolutely no problem walking out on a career and starting a new one.

Final Fantasy VII

You have seen all the anime, and the environment is your number one issue as a voter. You know the basics of a martial art, but nothing advanced. People get a little frustrated by how much you talk about any given subject, but they appreciate your enthusiasm. When bad things happen in your house, you take charge.

Final Fantasy VIII

You have written so much fan fiction. Phantom of the Opera is your favorite musical. You have multiple degrees or certifications, but still think about going back to school.

Final Fantasy IX

You grew up way too fast, and now you enjoy toys and dress-up. Facing past trauma isn’t your thing, but sometimes you sneak up behind it and give it a wedgie before running away giggling. Odds are you are a furry or at least somewhat furry-adjacent.

Final Fantasy X

Your parents dragged you to church until you were old enough to refuse. Sometimes, you like cosplay better than the actual piece of media it comes from. It’s very hard for you to shake the idea that you should be working when you’re resting.

Final Fantasy XI

You are the kind of person who goes to a ten-year high school reunion and enjoys it. Your cell phone is two generations or more behind the current one. Whatever you’re good at, you’ve stuck with for a long, long time. I bet you plan a heck of a party.

Final Fantasy XII

How much you like something is directly proportional to how close it is to Star Wars. You find your peace in small, repetitive tasks, though when called to do so, you can tackle extremely hard things. The word “extra” was invented specifically for you.

Final Fantasy XIII

You’ll stay at a job you hate just to pay the bills and do what you want on your own time. You think the gym is fun, and you own stock. Family is really important to you, though you relish your alone time. If you don’t have your own kids, you take someone else’s on outings.

Final Fantasy XIV

You are a lore junkie, and you buy two copies of your collectibles to keep one in mint condition. Teamwork makes your dream work. You both send Christmas cards and put the ones you get on display. When you go on vacation, you really, really go on vacation.

Final Fantasy XV

You just want to take a walk with friends but feel weird asking, so you make up an activity to justify their presence. Your toolbox is the envy of all. While not goth, people sometimes ask you if you are. You value the contributions of others, even when it's unhelpful.
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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner