Now, as 2023 ambles into the summer season, theaters are enjoying a resurgences thanks to: the MCU via a departing James Gunn; an Italian video game plumber; and a dude who's channeled his rage over a dead dog into four movies. Hollywood is back, baby!
[WGA STRIKE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT]
Oh, right. Shit. That thing. I'm not saying that this summer might be the last gasp for movies until the strike is resolved (and really: studios, pay your creatives what they deserve), but I'm not *not* saying it either. Here, then, is your 2023 summer movie preview. Plan accordingly.
Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse (June 2)
Of all the superheroes with more than, oh, let's say five movies dedicated to them, Spider-Man has to rank close to the top in terms of overall quality. Even the Amazing entries had their moments, but Into the Spider-Verse was next level. Genuinely stoked for this sequel.
The Boogeyman (June 2)
I like how we've come full circle on adapting Stephen King properties, in the sense that several of them have been quite good (you GenZ-ers need to check out Maximum Overdrive to experience the misery longtime King fans have dealt with for so long).
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (June 9)
It's honestly a shame this franchise isn't owned by Universal, because pairing the Transformers with the Fast & Furious movies is the only logical next step for both series.
Financially speaking, these movies peaked in 2011 with Dark of the Moon, but — to paraphrase H.L. Mencken — no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the average studio executive.
The Flash (June 16)
More evidence of David Zaslav's corporate genius: going all-in on a (possibly) DOA comic universe with a star one would charitably describe as "problematic." At least Michael Keaton's getting a paycheck.
Elemental (June 16)
How long has it been since the announcement of an upcoming Pixar movie was met with genuine enthusiasm? Toy Story 4? I'm not what you'd call a big fan of their increasing reliance on celebrity voice talent, but going the opposite way may not pan out the way they were hoping.
Asteroid City (June 23)
A new Wes Anderson movie is always cause for celebration, assuming you enjoy meticulously staged, wearying exercises in solipsism.
Sorry, that was harsh. Or not harsh enough.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (June 30)
Raiders of the Lost Ark is my favorite movie of all time, even if it's been diminishing returns since then. Mangold has the chops to make this work (3:10 to Yuma, Logan), but advance word on the length and the de-aging might give you pause.
But not me. Fortune and glory, mofos.
Insidious: The Red Door (July 7)
I've seen ... most of these movies, and I remember almost nothing about them. Patrick Wilson's directorial debut, though! [brooklyn99hotdamn.gif]
Joy Ride (July 7)
Pretty jazzed for the AAPI take on Girls' Trip. Seriously, this looks fun as hell.
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (July 12)
Like it or not, Tom Cruise is our last capitol "M" Movie Star. The Rock is limping back to the F&F franchise, the MCU is increasingly decentralized when it comes to action stars, and Keanu Reeves can't live forever (or can he?).
Rumor has it Dead Reckoning Part Two will just be 140 minutes of Cruise running through explosions.
Barbie (July 19)
Finally, a way to allow Mattel into the movie marketing business.
What to make of this seemingly self-aware take on the iconic toy franchise directed by Greta Lady Bird Gerwig and written by her and Noah Baumbach? No idea, but Gerwig has earned the benefit of the doubt.
Oppenheimer (July 19)
Betting against Christopher Nolan is never a wise idea. There's some great stuff going on in this trailer that absolutely doesn't make me hyperventilate.
Haunted Mansion (July 28)
Third time's a charm, I guess. Could this be the first HM adaptation to be more entertaining than the actual ride? The fact that Guillermo Del Toro's script was rejected by Disney for being "too scary" doesn't bode well.
Meg 2: The Trench (August 4)
[IAN MALCOLM VOICE] Ah, now eventually you do plan to have shark attacks in your, in your giant shark movie, right? Hello?[/IAN MALCOLM VOICE]
The original Meg was really boring, is what I'm saying. They should team the shark up with M3GAN, since I'm pretty sure her movie had a gnarlier body count, and this movie looks dumb as hell.
Last Voyage of the Demeter (August 11)
Sparkly vampires are done, baby. Even knowing the ultimate ending (and if you haven't read Dracula, the title is pretty much a giveaway), this may be my most anticipated movie of the summer.
Strays (August 18)
Phil Lord and Christopher Miller producing a talking dog movie where the ultimate goal is to [checks notes] bite the dog's former owner's dick off? And the owner is played by Will Forte in full dirtbag MacGruber mode? Fine, I'll watch it. But I'm only drinking six beers.
Blue Beetle (August 18)
Huh, this is still happening. As with anything DC Studios made pre-James Gunn, it remains to be seen whether the Blue Beetle will have any future in upcoming films, and whether that — combined with the general public's ignorance of the character — will doom the movie. Oh, and then there's this from Wikipedia:
Blue Beetle is scheduled for theatrical release in the United States on August 18, 2023.[16] A screening in El Paso is also planned.[17]El Paso is in the United States, Einstein.
White Bird (August 25)
So Julian, the bully from Wonder, takes a backseat to grandmother Helen Mirren who hid from Nazis in WWII France as a child. Fun fact, this is one of two movies coming out on August 25 starring Mirren as an old Jewish lady (the second being Golda).
The Equalizer 3 (September 1)
They should do a Flashpoint in this series as well and bring Queen Latifah in. She's more believable in action scenes than 68-year old Denzel, at any rate.
