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Best Cemetery

Hillendahl Cemetery

No, it doesn't have the most verdant grounds or the prettiest headstones, but there is ­something utterly Houston about this 1,100-square-foot family graveyard in Spring Branch. Could it be that it is tucked in the corner of the parking lot of a tire store on the corner of two strip-mall-ridden Spring Branch thoroughfares? Why yes, it could. The Hillendahl Cemetery and its 19 slumbering German farm volks stand as a perpetual testament that even in bottom-line Houston, some matters, like family pride, can trump the relentless onward march of sprawl.

Best Civil Attorney

Lloyd Kelley

Is Lloyd Kelley the best civil attorney in Houston, home of some of the legendary giants of the courtroom? Probably not. But he is the best civil attorney this year, for no other reason than he gave us the vastly entertaining soap opera and career implosion of District Attorney Chuck Rosenthal. Clumsily romantic e-mails, dumb ethnic jokes, remarkably inept explanations to a federal judge — it was a wonderful show, watching the pious born-again DA go down in flames. And we owe it all to Kelley, who took a run-of-the-mill suit and used it to create the best soap opera of the year. If that's not good enough to make him Best Civil Attorney, we don't know what is.

Best Contribution to ­Downtown Development

Discovery Green

Photo by Katya Horner

Let's say it was any year up until 2008, and you were a tourist in Houston, staying downtown, and it was Saturday afternoon, and you had got your kids with you. (Bear with us here, we're on a roll.) What was there for you to do? The tunnels are closed weekends, as were most of the restaurants, and there are no museums worthy of note downtown. In fact, until this year, outside of the ungodly expensive Fertitt-arium, there wasn't a thing to do at all other than stroll parking lots and dodge crackheads. But now a vast prairie of little-used parking lots has been replaced by Discovery Green, a dozen or so acres of green space, bocce courts, lakes, water parks, performance spaces and restaurants. Sure, the name of the place is meh and they got a little sponsor-happy, but when you take in a concert at Discovery Green, you really feel like Houston is giving Chicago a run for its money as America's third city. Readers' Choice: Discovery Green

Best Crime

The Grave-Robbing Stoners

Probably everyone knows the apple trick, and we had a high school friend who once ­MacGyvered a crude bong out of a half-deflated basketball, but this one takes the cake: In May, Houston police arrested three teenagers for digging up the skeleton of an 11-year-old boy buried in 1921 and using his skull for a bong. They were charged with "abuse of a corpse" — a misdemeanor. (Unfortunately, there is no law against being a total dick.) They confessed to digging up the remains over a two-day period — and The Man says the reefer makes you lazy! Talk about a bunch of potheads — hey-oh!

Best Criminal Court Judge

Mike McSpadden

In years past, Judge Mike McSpadden was regularly in the media, creating or joining an ongoing controversy. Nowadays the veteran isn't in the limelight as much, but he still provides the fairest trial you'll get at the hang-'em-high Harris County courthouse. He knows all the tricks, he knows when a defense attorney — or even a prosecutor! — isn't as prepared as he or she is trying to appear. He cuts through the B.S. and tricks and gets justice. What more can you ask?

Best Criminal Defense Attorney

Danalynn Recer, Gulf Region Advocacy Center

Your client is an illegal immigrant who got drunk and killed a cop. He's on trial in Harris County, which sends more convicts to Death Row than most hemispheres. And you somehow convince a jury to forsake the death penalty and give a sentence of life without parole? That is some lawyering. Danalynn Recer, founder of the anti-death penalty group called the Gulf Region Advocacy Center, did just that in the high-profile case of Juan Quintero, convicted in the killing of HPD officer Rodney Johnson. Johnson was, by all accounts, a good man who didn't deserve his fate, but Recer convinced jurors (in Harris County!) that, as she told one friend, local residents "are not as bloodthirsty as we've been led to believe."

Best Demolition

Crowne Plaza Hotel

A nice little urban legend was born during a few days in November. The Crowne Plaza Hotel, a 1970s relic near the Medical Center, was rigged with explosives and brought down. The trouble started when a video of the demolition showed a shadowy figure that resembled a person running through the hotel's eighth floor moments before the explosion. Creepier still, an open door mysteriously shut just before the building was blasted. Then, search-and-rescue dogs hit on a spot in the debris. The Houston Police Department started an investigation and the mystery grew. A suicide theory popped up: "Remember," someone commented on a Web site, "that this is a medical center and many of the patients that go to these hospitals...are terminal patients." Police squashed the rumors a couple weeks later, issuing a press release that said the extensive investigation revealed no evidence of human remains, and the dogs had hit on a spot where a worker had been cut and bled weeks before the demolition. Believe what you want, but the hotel was 13 stories high.

Best Flack

Dana Mattice

We know Dana Mattice is supported by the entire Museum of Fine Arts, Houston public relations staff, but we hear her cheerful voice the most. She's always on top of whatever request we can think of — answering dumb questions (which she assures us are never dumb), sending photos, interviews and press releases, or resending one of those because they got, err, lost in our inbox. Entertainment publicity types are always ready to tell you how you can help them, but can prove difficult when it comes to helping you meet deadlines. Not Mattice (or her MFAH co-workers); she's saved us many a pulled hair and proved to be an invaluable tool to our entertainment pages.

Best Hidden Neighborhood

Stella Link near ­Pershing Middle School

For years, the area surrounding Stella Link between Bellaire Boulevard and North Braeswood was a fairly unremarkable part of town. The homes were the standard ranches from the '60s or so, and there wasn't much to set it apart. But recently Pershing Middle School opened a shining new building to replace its crumbling facility. And that new school fits into an awesome stretch of Stella Link that now includes Pershing, an equally new and lavish YMCA and an equally new and fine library branch. Throw in nearby Mark Twain Elementary, and you can see why parents are flocking here — especially since the Medical Center is just minutes away.

Best Interstate Church

Lakewood Church

Lakewood Church and its guru Joel Osteen are easy targets. Osteen has a cheesy grin, his wife fights with flight attendants and even Harris County prosecutors take issue with the Lakewood "screwballs and nuts." What seems to irk people the most is the gazillion dollars Osteen makes by talking and writing about the Good Book and JC. But he's a Houston celeb who doesn't seem to be going anywhere. The last time Osteen was on 60 Minutes, he cried and said his experiences were "very humbling." That, my friends, is how you sell books. The segment ended with Osteen bench-pressing 300 pounds and playing basketball. He sank a wild hook shot and called the shot "a prayer." Awesome.

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