If the soccer pitch were an interrogation room, there would be no question about Ricardo Clark's role: bad cop, with some badness to spare. Clark, the defensive backbone of the Dynamo midfield, is an indefatigable enforcer. While teams from more temperate locales prune in Houston's humidity, this Georgia native motors around the field as if he gets a bonus for each time he suffers heatstroke. His passion sometimes lands him in trouble — see his suspension in 2007 for kicking a totally deserving Carlos Ruiz of FC Dallas, or the red card he earned in the 32nd minute during June's U.S.-Italy match in South Africa. Nevertheless, it's nice to have the guy no one wants to play against suiting up in orange.

Whatever your game is, or whether you're simply trying to get game, Professional Golf Association member Matt Schewe can meet your level. He's taught Sally Field, Kurt Russell and, well...us. We've seen him work with 20-year victims, er, veterans, of golf — and in one case, he got a golf virgin ready for a tournament in two-and-a-half months. Matt emphasizes the joy of golf, not the defeat. He'll never shame your short game or make merry at your slice. The only time we ever saw him without a grin was when someone forgot to yell "fore," narrowly missing him and his student. His etiquette tips will ensure you'll never be without a golf partner: "If you're trying to impress a client," he says, "either treat them to lunch or dinner, or take them to the pro shop and buy them a shirt from the course you played. They will always remember you when they wear that shirt."

Top Gun Handgun ­Training and Shooting Center

With the recent surge in gun sales due to the perceived fear that President Obama is "gonna take our guns away," places like Top Gun near Richmond have been seeing an increase in traffic. They offer a wide array of weapons and ammo that would make a sportsman drool with glee, from brand-new AK-47s to the latest offerings from Bushmaster, which arguably makes the world's fiercest-looking hand cannons. The retail center includes everything you need to tote a handgun, including classes where you can obtain the proper licenses and a 15-lane shooting range to polish your aiming skills. The self-defense programs look promising, including the self-defense shotgun and knife classes, useful for when things get ugly on Black Friday at the Galleria.

YMCA

There is a fitness oasis smack in the middle of downtown. The YMCA is well equipped enough, with benches, squat racks and treadmills aplenty, yet somehow devoid of that bane of the typical gym experience: other people. Those who just want to work out and go home can do so without wait times, predatory personal trainers or testosto-grunting. If you do stick around, the swimming pool, racquetball, basketball and squash courts, saunas, whirlpools and steam rooms are also both adequate and largely available. But the best-kept secret is the rooftop track, which, if you can find it, offers a secluded run amid the skyscrapers. Alas, like any oasis, this is bound to dry up. The current location will be replaced near the end of next year by a new, state-of-the-art one that's bound to attract the mirror-hugging masses.

When baseball veteran Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez signed a one-year contract with the Astros back in March, we didn't know what to expect out of the 37-year-old. We'd just lost longtime backstop Brad Ausmus to the Los Angeles Dodgers, and he was no doubt a key part of our sometime spotty success. But with his veteran hustle and steely glare, Rodriguez came in and injected a new spirit and sense of excitement for the game that we sorely needed. "Pudge" began his baseball career in 1991, up north with the Texas Rangers, where he caught his first game as a big-leaguer at the age of 19, after being called up to the majors the same night as his first wedding. This season, we were lucky enough to see Rodriguez hit his 300th home run and also pass up longtime Chicago White Sox catcher Carlton Fisk for most games caught. Unfortunately, at the end of August, he was dealt to the Rangers for two minor leaguers, as the team was deep in a playoff battle and desperate for depth at the catching position. Hopefully the boys in Arlington can close out his career right with a World Series ring, because Lord knows we aren't going to here.

Hermann Park

There might be other places in the greater Houston area to chill on a pedal boat, but they're probably in wading pools in some sketchy dude's backyard. Regardless, they wouldn't be as pretty as the lush, green Hermann Park surroundings anyway. For $8, you get to spend a peaceful 30 minutes on clean water and in fresh air — think of it as a respite from your daily commute, where the only scenery is the back of some dimwit's SUV. A nice outing on a pedal boat — whether with a significant other or for some me time — is a pleasant little reminder that, yes, you deserve a peaceful escape every now and then. Even if it's just for half an hour.

Go when it's dark and park your car in the lot at Eleanor Tinsley. Then make your way to the little brick circle on the eastern edge of the lot to stretch with one of the best views of the cityscape around. You can run straight across the grass (there should be just enough light), past the volleyball court on your right and up the path toward the road. Make a left, and head down the set of stairs just before the bridge. It's a well-lit run along the bayou from here.

Brazos Bend State Park

It takes about an hour to drive from downtown to Brazos Bend State Park, but the trip is well worth it, because the park is a great way to burn an afternoon. In fact, you could probably burn an entire week hiking through the park's 24 miles of trails. A good route is the one-mile-long Pilant Slough Trail, which starts just off the main parking lot and ends at an observation tower, offering a gorgeous view from the top. Along the way, especially from the banks of Elm Lake, you're sure to see plenty of alligators swimming and sunning on shore. This place isn't the zoo, and an alligator could theoretically eat you or your dog, so the park offers plenty of tips for alligator etiquette, including, "Absolutely do not feed or annoy the alligators."

Spotts Park

Wedged between the boarded-up YWCA and Allen Parkway, Spotts Park has the winding sidewalks and leafy trees a good dog walk requires. But the real treat is the freedom to play some good, old-fashioned fetch. Beyond the sidewalks and picnic tables is an expanse of green that's rarely populated aside from the occasional sunbathers and game of ultimate Frisbee, and even then there's usually more than enough room to throw the ball or stick. It seems too good to be true, but we've never seen any lawmen spoil the fun. Just make sure your pooch doesn't end up snagging someone's Frisbee.

Richmond Arms

How do we know this place is for real? For one, the doors will open at 6 a.m. when necessary for the local fanatics to catch Arsenal and Man U live on the giant projection screen. (Worry not, latecomers: There are enough smaller TVs scattered around to provide every seat with a view.) And the edge of the manly bar is weathered enough to suggest many a pair of elbows propped up for hours on end during hard-fought wins, heartbreaking losses and wimpy European ties. The massive pub can be found from afar by following the British flag set at full mast above the sprawl of Richmond Avenue. There's a substantial array of worldly beers on tap — from Hefeweizen and Old Speckled Hen to Anchor Steam to Fuller's Porter — and enough old-country accents to make one wary of calling it "soccer." Full English breakfasts are served on weekends, and the menu also features the bangers and mash, fish and chips, hearty meat pies and roasts of the day to build up a full English belly.

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