Scoundrels Make Off With Melange Catering’s BBQ Pit

Back in the wild, wild west, people had to deal with wagon thieves and sneaky neighbors out to steal cattle or horses. These days, the modern felon has evolved to barbecue pit theft. On Sunday around 4 p.m., a surveillance camera outside Melange Catering caught what appears to be a…

Reality Bites: “Shark Week”

I learned two things from the 2013 installment of “Shark Week,” the Discovery Channel’s annual tribute to nature’s lagrest predators and the people/marine fauna that are eaten by them: 1) Nat Geo WILD holds its own version called “SharkFest,” which is simultaneously cute and pathetic. 2) While we weren’t paying…

Top 10 Yo Gabba Gabba Musical Guests

Want to hear the Shins teach a bunch of magical, mismatched creatures about the virtues of trying, trying again? What about Weezer? They’re making friends with bugs, and they’re making songs about it. No, we’re not stoned, sillies…we’re just watching Yo Gabba Gabba, and we think you should too. If…

Houston Restaurant Weeks: Monarch Bistro

What they’re up to for Restaurant Weeks: Monarch Bistro is located in Hotel Zaza and is offering a casual Houston Restaurant Week menu for dinner only. It’s three courses for $35 and they’re donating $7 per meal to the Houston Food Bank. Service/Atmosphere: Continuing my journey of hitting places I’ve…

The Bozo Porno Circus Diaries: Thursday, April 24, 2002

If you never saw a Bozo Porno Circus show then you just plain missed out. The Tone Zone Records band was a freakout and a half, stuffed to the wall with loud noises and pretty girls getting sparks shot off their metal-covered crotches by belt sanders. Recently, lead guitarist Chris…

The Joys of Small-Batch, High Proof Spirits

Up until recently, hearing the phrase “overproof alcohol” would immediately evoke foggy memories of college parties where Everclear punch was the drink of choice. High-alcohol spirits, I thought then, were designed solely to make you piss-ass drunk and offered little else in terms of taste and quality. Well, education, thank…

Five Great Albums That Got Scrapped

With reports last month that Beyonce had scrapped 50 songs to start over completely on the album, I got to wondering what kind of perfectionist Queen Bey must be. I mean, it says something that she couldn’t sift a good album out of 50 tracks from today’s hottest producers. For…

100 Creatives 2013: Shohei Iwahama, Dancer

If you watch dance in Houston, then you’ve seen the grace and elegance that is Shohei Iwahama. The first time we saw the Hope Stone and NobleMotion company member was at the 2010 Weekend of Texas Contemporary Dance at the Miller Outdoor Theatre. He performed in Andy Noble’s exuberant “KinkyKool…

“In Residence: Work By 2012 Resident Artists”

Like a crop of freshly commenced baccalaureates, the Houston Center for Contemporary Craft’s 2012 residents paraded their year-in-the-making works through the Midtown gallery Friday evening. Unlike a university’s commencement festivities, “In Residence: Work by 2012 Resident Artists.” is no corps of hundreds crossing the stage; instead, it is an intimate…

Tell You What I Want: A Spice Girls Reunion

I admit I am a frequent visitor to and fan of Jezebel.com. Yes, I’m a nearly 50-year-old man, but so what? I grew up in a time when Gloria Steinem was out there burning bras. My mama brought home the bacon and fried it up in a pan. I admired…

Caroline Collective is Officially Closed

After five years, Caroline Collective, Houston’s largest co-working space, is saying goodbye. Sadly for its members, the time came sooner than expected. Last week, a shooting that occurred outside of the studio space, which is nestled along the quiet, tree-lined Caroline Street in the Museum District, put Caroline’s inevitable closure…

Don Daily, Founding Partner of Cactus Records, Passes Away

Don Daily, a founding partner of Cactus Records and member of Houston’s legendary Daily family, passed away July 31. He was 81, according to his Houston Chronicle obituary, which indicated a long struggle with Parkinson’s disease but said Daily had died “peacefully.” “Don was a tremendously sweet and caring person…

Cake Decorating 101: Zebra Cake

You don’t always have to decorate your cakes on the outside, sometimes you should decorate on the inside. If you really want your friends and family to ooh and aah over your cake, bake a cake with a spectacular decoration on the inside. Trust me, it’s not as hard as…

Houston Restaurant Weeks: Américas River Oaks

What they’re up to for Restaurant Weeks: Three course dinner for $35, with complimentary plantain chips and a choice of their most popular appetizers, entrees and desserts. Mix and match Latin favorites like the ceviche trio, grilled swordfish, and tres leches. Bonus for meat eaters: They have multiple cuts of…

30 Years of the Melvins Is Not Enough

In the annals of alt-rock, pretty much nobody can lay claim to a longer, stranger trip than the Melvins. Since 1983, the ambitious, eclectic godfathers of sludge have traversed enough territory both creatively and geographically to buckle the knees of even the most dedicated touring acts. Along the way, they’ve…

Houston Restaurant Weeks: Haven

What they’re up to for Restaurant Weeks: Haven is offering brunch, lunch and dinner for HRW. Lunch and brunch are each $20 and include two courses (no dessert). Dinner is $45 and includes an appetizer, an entrée and dessert. Service/Atmosphere: My mother and I decided on a late dinner at…

Apparently Actually Listening to Women is a Superpower

These last two weeks I found myself a minor celebrity for the second time in my life, assuming that receiving mild fame for writing a love song to David Arquette counted as fame the first time of course. It was all about a brief article I wrote that went over…

Projections Prove Distracting in Eklektix Theatre Co.’s Rent

The set-up: Jonathan Larson’s popular rock musical Rent, which ran for 12 years on Broadway, is an updating of Giacomo Puccini’s La Bohème. It returns again to Houston, this time from the Eklektix Theatre Company, a relatively new troupe in Houston that has recently produced Spring Awakening, The Rocky Horror…

Houston Restaurant Weeks: Glass Wall

What they’re up to for Restaurant Weeks: Glass Wall is on the higher end of pricing ($45 for dinner instead of the usual $35) for Houston Restaurant Weeks but it’s a case of getting what you pay for. They are only open for dinner. There are optional (and astute) wine…

Weather Week: Some Like It Hot

I have yet to find a person who truly loves the unbridled heat and humidity the weather in Houston brings to bear on us between mid-July and late September every year. Unlike animals who develop a natural equilibrium with their environment, we struggle and simply build bigger air-conditioning units…or pay…

Behold, Our Concert Calendar In All Its Beefed-Up Glory

Notice something different about us lately? No? Well, come a little closer and let us show you. Don’t be scared; we won’t bite. We just want to flex for you. We think you’ll be impressed. We know we’re not usually this forward, but we’ve worked hard to get in shape,…

Rules to Drink By: 10 Etiquette Tips for the Bar

We’ve all been there. We walk into a crowded bar on a Saturday night and immediately start to make a game plan. How can I get to the bar and order a drink without shoving, stepping on or cutting in front of anyone? Should I yell at the bartender? Should…

Just a Kiss Away: A Tale of Headless Strippers and The Rolling Stones

My story, “Just a Kiss Away” was released last week in the anthology Broken Mirrors Fractured Minds, available for a limited time at just $.99. This is an excerpt from the story dealing with a horrifying legend surrounding the Rolling Stones’ “Gimme Shelter.” Tomas Reynolds has just been spellbound by…

Summer of Johnny: Johnny Manziel Las Vegas Odds, Real and Invented

When news broke Sunday about Johnny Manziel and his alleged five-figure payday for affixing his signature to 1,600 Aggie football items, the sports world went back into overdrive. Kevin Sumlin prepped for Aggie media day, the university hired attorneys, bloggers wrote, screamers yelled and Vegas went scrambling to recalibrate any…

The Best Things We Overheard at the HPMA Showcase

“Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk,” said a man holding up female at the end of the night. “We don’t fucking live there! We live in Houston, Texas.” “That’s my car! It’s still alive!” “I’m fat. Let’s party!” (T-shirt outside Dirt Bar)…

Dynamo Control Their Fate After Clutch Win

Although the MLS regular season is barely past the halfway mark, Saturday’s match between the Dynamo and the Columbus Crew at BBVA Compass Stadium was a must-win. And even though the visiting Crew outshot and — for long stretches in the second half — outplayed the Dynamo, the Orange still…

Our Favorite 2013 HPMA Showcase Discoveries

As in years past, Rocks Off asked our writers covering the HPMA showcase to tell us the act they like best that, until Sunday, they’d never seen before. American Fangs I caught American Fangs for the first time Sunday night, and came away impressed by how polished they sounded. They…

Houston Restaurant Weeks: Hearsay Gastro Lounge

What they’re up to for Restaurant Weeks: Three course lunch for $20 and three course dinner for $35. The price is right and the historic, brick and mirror-walled space is stunning. The lunch entrée selections are the Hearsay burger, grilled salmon and chicken picatta. All entrees come with side items…

Houston Restaurant Weeks: Latin Bites

What they’re up to for Restaurant Weeks: Latin Bites is offering brunch and dinner menus during HRW so this is the perfect time to try out this modern Peruvian hot spot. (Kaitlin Steinberg visited recently, and reviewed LB.) At brunch, $20 will get you two generous courses–but you should really…

Summer of Johnny: The NCAA Finally Comes Knocking

Earlier this year, Texas A&M’s two Heisman Trophy winners, Johnny Manziel and John David Crow, autographed six helmets together. The helmets were auctioned off by various Aggie alumni groups throughout the state of Texas and combined fetched a tidy sum of $81,600, which helped subsidize several A&M scholarships. So Johnny…

ICE Returns MS-13 Fugitive to El Salvador

Federal immigration officials have deported an MS-13 gang member to El Salvador, where he was wanted for extortion. Jorge Alberto Dominguez, 29, had been in custody since a May arrest in Houston, but had evaded capture for almost two years, according to an Immigration and Customs Enforcement press release…

Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival at The Woodlands, 8/3/2013

Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival Feat. Rob Zombie, Five Finger Death Punch, Mastodon, Amon Amarth, etc. Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion August 3, 2013 On Saturday, I couldn’t quite decide which was more brutal: 20 metal bands in one afternoon, or your average Houston summer. Maybe it’s because my brain started…

The Best Acts We Saw at the HPMA Showcase, Part 2

Electric Attitude When the set starts with the band’s lead singer booty-bumping with the ladies in the front row, you know it’s funny. When that same singer, Blake Shephard, stands on top of an amp, shot in hand, not one, but four times, you know it’s fun. When he returns…

Cougars Prepping for the Big Time

The Houston Cougars will have a laser-like focus as they start practice. A focus on the University of Houston. A day-by-day focus of the team getting better. Improving as a program. Improving individually. Of making up for last season’s disaster. Of proving they belong on the so-called national stage offered…

Video Game High School: Terrible Ninjas and the Broken Law

Video Game High School is in the midst of trying real hard to be a traditional TV show in an Internet format. That means a 30-minute run time and three commercial breaks. It’s kind of a risky move, considering the even shows like Arrested Development used the freedom of streaming…

Summer Session: Low Alcohol for High Temps

Back in the summer of ’93, I got heat stroke. And a concussion. It was my first summer in Houston, after 10 years in Indiana, with its average July high of 83. I was playing an all-day soccer tournament out in Bear Creek Park, its freshly-razed expanse offering no respite…

Futurebirds at Fitzgerald’s, 8/2/2013

Futurebirds Fitzgerald’s August 2, 2013 Friday night, Athens, Georgia-based alt-country rockers Futurebirds made their way to a crowded Fitzgerald’s for a rambunctious showcase of their tunes. The Washington Avenue crowd found itself a bit north of its normal destinations, as people crowded the upstairs venue with their collared shirts and…

The Best Acts We Saw at the HPMA Showcase, 8/4/2013

Born Again Virgins Born Again Virgins ripped up their set at Dirt Bar early into the showcase yesterday. I still can’t get over the powerful stage presence that guitarist Adria LeCrone has; she rivals front man James Red, which is pretty impressive given he spent most of the set shirtless,…

Courtney Love at House of Blues, 8/2/2013

Courtney Love House of Blues August 2, 2013 It was always a little puzzling to me that Courtney Love didn’t do more acting. She was quite good opposite Woody Harrelson in The People vs. Larry Flynt, but I suspect eventually she found the business of being “Courtney Love” too exhausting…

EPA Says Fracking Is Safe But an Internal Report Says Different

It must be a tricky thing being the Environmental Protection Agency, especially when it comes to the political minefield that is fracking. Hydraulic fracturing — the process of shooting sand, water and chemicals into an oil well to get the oil and natural gas trapped in the formation flowing –…

Attack of the Frankenfish!

It’s not available yet, but once the FDA finalizes its assessment of AquAdvantage salmon, the genetically engineered fish may find its way to your grocery store fish counter. And you may have no idea that the fish you’re eating has been modified with growth hormone regulating genes. These genes allow…

All the Pretty Potions: Post-Summer Skincare Roundup

Call me skin-obsessed if you must–because it’s probably true. The sheer number of lotions and potions, sunscreens and creams, ointments and oils that are stashed in my bathroom would boggle.your. mind. Truly, it makes my husband crazy and I often find myself handing out stuff to friends, because I just…

“Asian Girlz” Is For Real Racist, Also Flat-Out Terrible

In today’s “things that should never exist, ever” file, we bring you one overtly racist song that is making the rounds. It’s a real winner, with its lyrics about the beauty of an Asian girl’s “creamy yellow thighs,” “slanted eyes,” “fried rice” and, well, “butt-fucking all night.” Yeah. Those are…

House of Coffee Beans Celebrates 40 Years in August

Now that I’ve been shopping at House of Coffee Beans for a few years, I have noticed something interesting about the clientele. Not only is everyone smiling when they leave the store, they are smiling before they even walk in. Perhaps they are just grinning at the smell of fresh,…

Rhine Maidens With a Texas Twang in Germany

The Bayreuth Festival in the theater in Bayreuth, Germany built by Richard Wagner is the hottest ticket in the world, with an eight- to ten-year wait. If a person applies for a ticket every year, he or she will eventually be rewarded, but if he misses an application for even…

Weekend Weather: Seriously Hot, Seriously Dry

At the moment, the temperature is 67 degrees outside and there is a mild day in store with highs only reaching the mid-80s. Oh, I’m sorry, I’m not in Houston, where, at the moment, it is already in the 80s and the highs will reach the upper 90s to close…

Reviews For The Easily Distracted: 2 Guns

Title: 2 Guns Sure Looks Like More Than Two Firearms In That Trailer: As both characters favor a single weapon, two is the most both are collectively carrying when engaged with the enemy, which is perhaps a commentary on their puissant skill at … oh, the hell with it. Rating…

Allen Man Sentenced to Five Years in Biodiesel Investment Scam

An Allen man convicted of defrauding investors in a bogus biodiesel plant project has been sentenced to five years in state prison, according to the Texas State Securities Board. Kenneth Paul Lawrence, convicted July 19 “on two charges for his role in raising money for a purported biodiesel plant in…

The Monkees at Arena Theatre, 8/1/2013

The Monkees Arena Theatre August 1, 2013 Musically speaking, the Monkees are timeless. There’s something about the sound of their big pop hits that is like an auditory time machine that takes you back to the first time you heard it. True, that time may have been sitting on the…

Your Guide to This Year’s Mayhem Fest

Last week, I told you all about the Summer Slaughter Tour which blew through the House of Blues this past Saturday, and alluded to the numerous metal tours still to come up. Well, you may have just had your ass kicked last weekend, but it’s already time for another one…

Doctor Who: Top 10 Seventh Doctor Stories

Sylvster MCoy will be here this weekend at Space City Con. The Seventh Doctor is one of the odder incarnations of the Time Lord. As the last of the classic series Doctors before the cancellation, he had arguably the shortest run of any Doctor aside from Eccleston and McGann, yet…

Huge Lineup Shifts at 790 Leave Jackson, Wexler Out in the Cold

Less than a year after two of the sharpest minds in the Houston sports radio world joined forces, they were split up. The Lance Zierlein-Charlie Pallilo experiment is over as 790 KMBE will shake up their lineup in dramatic fashion beginning Monday. In the shuffle, veterans Matt Jackson and Adam…

100 Creatives 2013: Erica DelGardo, Metalsmith

Erica DelGardo comes from a family of artists but she resisted making the same career choice. “I always said I wasn’t going to be a starving artist,” DelGardo tells us. “But I guess it was in my blood and I became an artist any way.” DelGardo was born in the…

Our 10 Least Favorite One-Hit Wonders

Thursday Rocks Off brought you our list of ten favorite one-hit wonders, an endearing assortment of underdogs and left-field flukes that hit our collective Top 40 sweet spot, if only for one brief shining moment. Now the real fun starts. But for every great song that becomes a one-hit wonder,…

Summer TV Club Nancy Drew: ” Asylum”

Not only did I not know there was a semi-recent Nancy Drew television show, but I when I heard I figured it was from the 1960s. There was a show called the Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, which ran in the late ’70s but this is not the show that our…

Monkees’ Return Has Some Houston Fans Going Ape

Houston gets its first shot of Monkee-mania in at least a generation tonight, when surviving members Peter Tork, Mickey Dolenz and Michael Nesmith visit the Arena Theatre. Judging by informal talk among friends, around the office and the social-media water-cooler, it’s no exaggeration to say this might be one of…

Top 5 Recipes Involving Hot Dogs

Hot dogs haven’t always enjoyed the best reputation. Cheap varieties do often include snips and snails and puppy dogs’ tails, but more quality, and, dare I say, classier wieners with actual meat do exist. As a devotee of the dog, I’m thrilled with the wave of new dressed-up, “haute” dogs,…

Local Metal-Mongers Throw Down In Battle for Mayhem Festival

As metalheads around Houston gather their strength for headbanging and moshing on Saturday at the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival over at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, Houston’s own metal scene is amping up for an epic battle of the bands. Tonight at Walters, ten local bands will go head to…

Optimistic Owls Aiming for Continued Success

Rice Athletic DepartmentRice QB Taylor McHargue looks to lead the Owls to a second straight bowl appearanceIt’s not going to be an easy start of the season for the Rice Owls, traveling to College Station and taking on Johnny Football and the Aggies. But then again, the Rice Owls don’t…

Top 5 Smiley-Face Foods

“Smile and the whole world smiles with you?” Actually, I prefer: “When your food smiles at you, you’ll smile back.” In a world of emoticon-heavy electronic correspondence, I should be positively sick of smiley-faces, but somehow that dopey grinning visage still cheers me up (albeit for a few seconds) if…

My Girlfriend’s Breasts Are Too Small. Help!

Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off’s advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, “funny, serious or unpredictable.” Something on your mind? Ask Willie D! TWO SIDES TO A FRIENDSHIP Dear Willie D: The other day I decided to call an…

10 Food-Related Life Hacks, Thanks to Reddit

A wise man once told me, “All good things come from Reddit.” Sure, I found this man on Reddit, but somehow, I believe him. So we perused the life hack section (the number of ways you can use pool noodles is just limitless, you guys) for some kitchen and food-related…

Pop Rocks: Feminine Products Have Amazing Commercials

It’s not very often that I receive e-mails from my mother-in-law with the subject line “Best Tampon Commercial Ever,” so naturally I needed to drop everything I was doing and immediately watch. Within an hour, the Hello Flo commercial was trending, half of my Facebook friends had reposted it (guys…

The Rocks Off 100: Charlie Horshack, LP4’s Guitar Warrior

Welcome to the Rocks Off 100, our portrait gallery of the most compelling profiles and personalities in the far-flung Houston music community — a lot more than just musicians, but of course they’re in there too. See the entire Rocks Off 100 at this link. Who? Charlie Horshack (his nom…

Best Comics in July Part 2: Fear of a Black Sherlock

Each month the staff at 8th Dimension Comics selects the best titles for us to review. It was a good month, so check out Part 1 from yesterday! Watson and Holmes #1: OK, now I know this is going to sound really stupid and corny, but believe me when I…

Could Elvis Have Been Saved From Himself? One Man Says Yes

When Elvis Presley came into Memphis’ Stax Studios in December 1973 to cut some new material, Norbert Putnam — the experienced Muscle Shoals-born session bassist — could tell that something was off about the King. “He had gained a bit of weight, I noticed. And he had gone through the…

Our 10 Favorite One-Hit Wonders

Where would the world be without one-hit wonders? Well, we really don’t like to think about that. One of the purest guilty pleasures in pop music — and sometimes not even a guilty pleasure but an actual good song — the one-hit wonder is much safer than its real-life counterpart;…

Movies Need Lohan

A movie can be highly imperfect, stilted, or implausible in all sorts of ways—and still be everything you go to the movies for. The Canyons, Paul Schrader’s contemplation of moral decay in Hollywood, is that kind of picture, in some places so crazy-silly you want to laugh and in others…

Art on the Lawn: Endless

The altar columns of St. Peter’s Basilica inspired, in part, Houston artist and Glassell School of Art Director Joseph Havel’s sculpture Endless, currently installed in the Contemporary Arts Museum Houston’s front lawn fountain. (The piece is part of the ongoing series Art on the Lawn.) ”It’s a beautiful sculpture whose…

San Antonio Roses

HPMA Rocks Off is proud to announce that we have signed on Girl In a Coma as our special guest for the Houston Press Music Awards showcase this Sunday. The San Antonio trio is no stranger to these parts, mostly because it seems like they’re here all the time. In…

La Raza

Dear Mexican, I’m curious as to the meaning of the term “Viva la Raza” that I have often heard expressed by my friends and family. I know what it translates to, but I don’t know why we say it. I happen to be what some call a “half-breed,” and therein…

The Houston Music Hall of Fame: The Ring of Honor

WALT ANDRUS Studio owner/producer/engineer who worked with Thirteenth Floor Elevators, Fever Tree and more, 1937-2009 BIG H.A.W.K. Born John Hawkins (Fat Pat’s brother), Screwed Up Click co-founder and “Swang” rapper, 1969-2006 TEXAS JOHNNY BROWN Blues singer, bandleader and songwriter (“Two Steps from the Blues”), 1928-2013 ALBERT COLLINS Electric-blues guitarist known…

Your Guide to the Houston Press Music Awards Showcase

For the silver-anniversary Houston Press Music Awards Showcase this Sunday, August 4, we pulled out all the stops. We prevailed upon some perpetual nominees who had missed the past few showcases to give it another shot, but we’re also proud to have several nominees ­playing their very first HPMAs. Either…

The Girl with the Most Cake: Courtney Love Is in Charge

In theory, the idea of speaking with Courtney Love is an intimidating prospect, due to the Hole front woman’s notorious history of verbal confrontation. In reality, however, an interview is actually the perfect arena for Love. She gets to talk about herself, exclusively, for a fixed amount of time. Now…

2 Guns Is Too Much of the Same Thing

All you need for a movie are two guys and two guns. Unless that movie is 2 Guns, in which case you probably need a good deal more. The problem with so many current action movies, this one included, is that once you’ve seen one, you can’t help feeling you’ve…

Europa Report: A Found-Footage Failure of Form

No human has left near-Earth orbit since 1972, we’re reminded in Europa Report, a smartly marketed space-horror quickie that purports to be the one-giant-leap for found-footage scares — and also maybe Serious Space-Travel Movies themselves, which have failed to soar past our atmosphere almost as long as NASA has. To…

Capsule Art Reviews: “The Big Show” “Gifts from the Past: The Isabel Brown Wilson Collection” “Ideas Are Free” “Late Surrealism” “PRINTTX” “Some Tree Rings, a Vision, and the Third of May” “Water’s Edge (Mizugiwa)”

“The Big Show” “The Big Show” is Lawndale Art Center’s annual juried exhibition. The gallery drip-drops with life this year; though there is no set theme to Lawndale’s “Big Show” exhibitions, many of the works are figurative pieces. Bryan Forrester’s photograph Imogene C-Print shows a naked man and woman in…

A Pedestrian Oasis

Highlights from Hair Balls Traffic Local blogger Kyle Nielsen put together an essay for the folks at Houston Tomorrow, partly to discuss the tragic death of a young cyclist, who was run over by a Metro train last week, but also to cover the issues with general mobility of vehicles…

Pudgy Pork Dumplings and Crisp Soft-Shell Crab

On the Menu Because of Cafe Chino, I’m going to have to stop saying that it’s hard to find good Chinese food inside the Loop. I’ve probably passed this restaurant at least a hundred times en route to visiting its strip-mall neighbors, Party City and Rustika Cafe, and ignored it…


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