Hilary Duff’s Max Factor
“No, that guy in the front row. Get rid of him.” We can admit to a faint interest, okay, barely any interest in the news that local girl Hilary Duff and her former man Joel Madden have dropped their legal action against two alleged stalkers. Not that we take stalking…
Seasons Mother-effin’ Greetings!
Courtesy of Million Year Dance Spend a little time with Million Year Dance today. When we got the invite to Free Press Houston’s “Holiday Bash & Staff Infection,” with its “Seasons Motherfucking Greetings!” banner, we figured this would be one kuh-razy night, given that it’s a Free Press party. “Actually,”…
Yo, That’s Cold, Yao
NBA.com Shaq better watch it from now on — Mr. Ming’s on a roll. There promises to be some crazy Houston Rockets action on Friday, courtesy of Yao Ming and T-Mac. The dynamic duo will be guests on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where they’ll share time with Matthew McConaughey, and —…
Yo, That’s Cold, Yao
NBA.com Shaq better watch it from now on — Mr. Ming’s on a roll. There promises to be some crazy Houston Rockets action on Friday, courtesy of Yao Ming and T-Mac. The dynamic duo will be guests on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where they’ll share time with Matthew McConaughey, and —…
Nice Johnson, Texans!
NFL.com AJ got some love from NFL voters… Aw, look, Houston pro football fans! The voters have chosen your Houston Texans’ Andre Johnson to represent in the upcoming Pro Bowl. That’s what’s commonly known as a “freaking no-brainer.” Johnson is the most coveted player on the roster, a beast of…
A Gay Ol’ Time
Courtesy of Jon Segura This young man will be in some hot red heels tonight, folks. Word is there are still some seats left for the Gay Men’s Chorus of Houston’s “Home for the Holidays” show. (Read all about it here). Jon Segura, a former Press employee and current lower…
Choose Your Own Press Cover
Photos by Keith Plocek for HouStoned Images Ltd., Ulmtd. In advertising, this is called “added value.” Hard-hitting news, in-depth features, first-rate reviews — these are what make the paper version of HouStoned so darn respectable. But let’s be honest: A lot of y’all pick up the Press just for “the…
For Every Problem, There Is a Task Force
Let’s hope we see more entertainment like The Chinese Golden Dragon Acrobats at Miller next year. Houston is a diverse major American city, yes? A melting pot, if you will. So why in the name of Bill White would the folks at Miller Outdoor Theater and Miller Theatre Advisory Board…
Re: Wanted: Stoopid Christmas Fotos
The picture’s good and Cali’s cute as buttons — but not nearly stoopid enough. As expected, we’ve gotten some stoopid holiday fotos of cats (they seem to make the best stooped holiday pic fodder, no?). Reader Courtney sends us this one of “Cali.” Thing is, Courtney, this pic is almost…
Something Awful for Paul Wall
Isn’t nice to see that SA loves The People’s Champ? Readers of Something Awful usually know what to expect from the satiric site’s Awful Link of the Day. It’s usually a link to sites devoted to lovers of animated animal erotica; goth poetry; or dudes who get off on pics…
The Next Soccer Star?
Steven Devadanam for HouStoned Images Ltd., Ulmtd. If you do win the Dynamo auction, take good care of the Cup, as Brian Ching does here. Could this kid be the next Freddie Adu? No telling, but you gotta like that Walberto Vazquez has a soccer nickname: “Pana.” Today, your Houston…
A Nice Bowl o’ Rice
The Owls could come home with a bowl win for Christmas. Great, now I have less smack fodder for my Rice alum friends… The Rice Owls departed this morning for New Orleans, where they’ll take on Troy, er, sorry, Troy for the R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl on Friday. It’s…
A Nice Bowl o’ Rice
The Owls could come home with a bowl win for Christmas. Great, now I have less smack fodder for my Rice alum friends… The Rice Owls departed this morning for New Orleans, where they’ll take on Troy, er, sorry, Troy for the R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl on Friday. It’s…
Wanted: Stoopid Christmas Fotos
Steven Devadanam for HouStoned Images Ltd., Ulmtd. Humiliate your pets, score free stuff. Isn’t that what Christmas is all about? You know how publications and blogs will ask for your silly holiday pictures of lame lawn decorations or pets in horrible states of Christmas costume? Well, that’s us. Yep, in…
It’s “Tithe” on Sunday, Not “Tag”
Courtesy of Dirty Third Streets Looks like H.P.D. will need to M.O.N.I.T.O.R. churches in The Heights so stuff like this doesn’t happen. Just spoke to Pastor Russell Rodgers of Healing Waters Fellowship church in The Heights. Pastor Rodgers seems a little surprised to be fielding calls about graffiti right now…
And the Winner is …
It’s official … Paris Green has won the first HouStoned Rocks online poll for Favorite Houston Band! Over 600 votes were cast, with the top three vote getters being Paris Green – 349, the Lee Alexander Band – 71, and the Medicine Show – 100. Other votes were cast for…
Hey Carmelo, Don’t Mess with Jeff!
The NBA’s ruling on Saturday’s Knicks/Nuggets brawl got us thinking about our favorite brawling coach, Houston Rockets head coach Jeff Van Gundy. Mind you, it’s VG’s attempts to stop brawls, not start ’em, that makes the clips of him eating parquet so classic. Had Jeff been courtside Saturday night, he…
Hey Carmelo, Don’t Mess with Jeff!
The NBA’s ruling on Saturday’s Knicks/Nuggets brawl got us thinking about our favorite brawling coach, Houston Rockets head coach Jeff Van Gundy. Mind you, it’s VG’s attempts to stop brawls, not start ’em, that makes the clips of him eating parquet so classic. Had Jeff been courtside Saturday night, he…
Adventures in Flood Insurance
Thanks to FEMA’s new flood maps, you can move from that neighborhood that flooded to a new neighborhood that, um, will probably flood. Leave it to the foresighted, hyperaware folks at FEMA to release their final flood plain maps of Harris County on such a perfectly overcast, drizzly day. In…
Justice for Porn
So what’s Penthouse’s Jana Cova doing on a gun control site? The information on the Website Justice For All says that the group “shall act as an advocate for change in a criminal justice system that is inadequate in protecting the lives and property of law-abiding citizens.” Funny, but we’re…
That’s a Lotta Bull, Dude
Wilson Roe An 873-can masterpiece in only 271 hours? That Red Bull must’ve really given Derrick wings or something. (Wings… yeah, they oughta use that.) Some folks like their Red Bull Dirty Little Bastard-style (Bacardi, J�germeister and Red Bull). Others enjoy a nice ChamBull . Today, local artist Scott Derrick…
Top Ten Country Albums, 2006 – Part II
Part II of our look at the top ten country albums of 2006. Danielle Peck Danielle Peck (Big Machine) Perhaps the most difficult way to make a really superlative commercial country album is to play by all the rules, and just do it better than everyone else. The lift here…
Wally World
When I was working on this story about Latino immigrants allegedly getting screwed out of their homes, I noticed a lot of townhouses going up in the same neighborhoods. These townhouses were being built — big surprise — by other Latino immigrants. I’m not gonna say the Man was behind…
Phried Phish
SmokingGun.com Don’t drink and drive to Firenze. You heard it here fourth: Gawker reports that Idolator reports that the Smoking Gun reports that former Phish frontman Trey Anastasio “was arrested early this morning on a driving while intoxicated rap and New York cops found the musician in possession of a…
Top Ten Country Albums, 2006
Modern Sounds In Country And Western Music The Nashville way of making music is unlike any other, comparable only to the studio system of Hollywood’s golden age— a closed system of songwriters, producers, record labels and artists that creates most of the sounds you don’t want to admit you listen…
A Faint Stench
Bogus! Along with your lungs, Camel is destroying the concept of a concert ticket. The cigarette company sponsored last night’s Faint show at Warehouse Live. Camel bought up most of the tickets and had their reps distribute vouchers for free tickets throughout the city, but here’s the problem: The vouchers…
Ridin’ Dirty
One of the most annoying types of people in the world is the guy or girl who says, “I’m so sorry, my car’s a mess,” and it turns out there’s a smudge on the rearview and a gum-wrapper on the dash. Meanwhile, the Loch Ness Monster is duking it out…
Live Shots: The Faint
Photo by Chris Knight/Provided by The Faint It was a night meant for shakin’ your groove thang; too bad there was no room. The Faint played to a packed Warehouse Live last night delivering a nice collection of their most danceable numbers from all over its catalogue. However, the overstuffed…
Ay, Oy! Let’s Goy!
Cabull.com You bettah recognize that Vaadat Kishut is the shi… Saul Ramonowitz. Mike Nessbaum. The Dead Goys. As everyone knows, Jews were a vital part of the birth of punk music — hell, CBGB’s wasn’t called “the Schul of Rock” for nothing. But Israeli Jewish punks have always gotten short…
Best Albums of the Year, 2006 Part II
Hellogoodbye, Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! (Drive-Thru): Few modern emo/punk/whatever whippersnappers capture the essence of the decade when keyboards ruled the world — largely because their view of the 1980s comes secondhand via VH1 or retro-radio hours. However, an exception to this rule can be made for the young Cali quartet…
Farce of a Champion
Talladega Nights (Columbia) This cut of Will Ferrell’s NASCAR comedy runs 13 minutes longer than the theatrical version, and that doesn’t take into account the deleted and extended scenes, outtakes, phony commercials, public-service announcements, and gag reel. A movie that already seemed to be constructed from deleted scenes is well…
Our top DVD picks for the week of December 14
AFI: I Heard a Voice (Interscope) Air Buddies (Disney) Ali Rap (ESPN) The Andy Griffith Show: The Complete Series (Paramount) Barnyard (Paramount) The Chronicles of Narnia: Four-Disc Extended Edition (Disney) A Dead Calling (Lions Gate) The Doors (Lions Gate) James Bond: Ultimate Edition Volumes 3 and 4 (MGM) John Wayne…
That Was the Year That Was
Even though it wasn’t the same type of feeding frenzy that prevailed in 2005, 2006 was still an insanely great year to be a rapper here. As for everyone else, save for R&B singers and zydeco performers, eh, not so much. On the rock front, Blue October had the biggest…
Millionaire Mindsetters
Everyone in this room wants to be a millionaire. What sets them apart from the rest of the schlubs who want the Big M is they’re attending the Millionaire Mindset Conference in the downtown Dallas Hyatt Regency. They have shelled out between $995 and $9,995 for the privilege of hearing…
Espaol Sung Here
Latin/Anglo Crossover is what Latin American artists have always dreamt of and what American artists are starting to realize they need to pull big sales numbers out of a shrinking market. Crossover success means jackpots in both concert tickets and CD sales, so expanding a fan base across genres, countries…
It’s Art!
The fall semester is over, and UH art student Joel Bender can breathe easy. Apparently he will get credit, and not jail time, for his latest installation. Bender is an artist, so communicating directly with him is not necessarily an easy thing to do. So details are somewhat vague. But…
Independence Day
Clearly nobody needs a primer on indie rock. We all have our own idea of what it is, right? Nonetheless, why is it that so few of us can agree on who deserves such a designation? Fact is, attempting to define indie rock universally is as futile a task as…
He Walks Among Us
WWJD? I read the story, and I thought this was good coverage on this man/religion [“This Man Thinks He’s Jesus H. Christ!” by Keith Plocek, November 30]. I heard about this man before on the Today Show. I don’t particularly care for this religion, but to each his own, I…
Snap to It
It was, according to no less an authority than The New York Times, the year rap went regional. There was plenty of recent evidence to support this claim, beginning with the suddenly paltry record sales racked up by some of hip-hop’s heaviest weights. There was lots of historical evidence, as…
Everlasting Sounds
This story, as originally conceived, was supposed to be a compilation of the year’s best box sets and other reissues. But then it hit us — in today’s shuffle-driven iPod world, with the pace of pop culture moving at breakneck speed, it’s pointless to make such temporal distinctions. The past…
Rich Man, Poor Man
About Will Smith’s estimable talents, there is no doubt. Six Degrees of Separation, Ali…um…the “Parents Just Don’t Understand” video — the man’s got skills to pay the bills, yours and mine and his. That he seldom uses them, or their attendant clout, is dispiriting. This is an actor coming off…
Say It with Diamonds?
“T.I.A.,” mutters Danny Archer (Leonardo DiCaprio), slouched across a bar in Sierra Leone. It is 1999. As the West obsesses over Clinton’s blowjob, the west African nation is mired in a savage civil war. Our hero, a world-weary soldier of fortune, has struck up conversation with Maddy Bowen (Jennifer Connelly),…
Capsule Reviews
“Dan Havel: House Divided” Dan Havel, along with Dean Ruck, deconstructed an old bungalow in Montrose to create Inversion, a traffic-stopping public artwork. This time Havel is working solo and constructing a small wooden bungalow — sort of. His installation “House Divided” at DiverseWorks consists of a child’s playhouse cut…
Low Five
The holidays may bring out the best in human beings, but most theaters don’t fare so well. Scrambling to snag some of that Christmas/Hannukah dough being thrown around, they try to appeal to all those desperate holiday troopers with a house full of in-laws, and the result is December shows…
NUTS FOR NUTELLA
There’s a certain kind of craving that only Nutella can satisfy. The spread is made by grinding hazelnuts till they’re smooth, then adding sugar and cocoa powder for a chocolaty/nutty taste unlike any other. Coco’s Crepes & Coffee (218 Gray, 713-521-0700) makes a Nutella crepe ($3.90) that can be eaten…
Capsule Reviews
Hansel and Gretel Speaking of tasty treats, there’s a 15-foot-tall drag queen now on parade at Houston Grand Opera, and you’ve never seen anything like her before. She is the magnificent witch in HGO’s imaginative, puppet-infused production of Engelbert Humperdinck’s Hansel and Gretel. She makes a “star turn” entrance, too,…
TONY’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT
I arrive at Tony’s Mexican Restaurant (2222 Ella Blvd., 713-862-6516) for my friend Swener’s birthday extravaganza knowing that both the night and a good portion of the next day will be sacrificed to the skanky bitch that is a margarita-and-Tex-Mex hangover. This is the kind of night that tends to…
Don’t Hate the Guayabera!
Dear Mexican, It seems that whenever Chicano professors want to show off their mexicanidad, they wear a guayabera. In fact, I saw a picture of you in the Los Angeles Times donning the shirt, along with Dickies pants and Converse All Stars. How trite and bourgeois! You go to a…
Hummus and Hookahs
Neither the beef shawarma nor the beef kabob at Mary’z Lebanese Cuisine on Richmond came with the restaurant’s fabulous garlic sauce. Sensing my disappointment, the waitress kindly volunteered to bring us some anyway. I had been raving about the stuff to my tablemate, and I couldn’t wait for her to…