TCEQ Says No to Millions of Dollars in Tax Breaks for Valero
Area school districts and cities had to be breathing a big sigh of relief today as news came out that the executive director of the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality said “no” to handing out large tax breaks to Valero that would have made things even worse for cash-strapped government…
Give It Away: Music We’re Gifting to Friends for Christmas
We’re a generous bunch at Rocks Off. We just give and give and give until it hurts, and then we give some more. That’s just how we roll. And when we give, well, it may seem obvious, but we tend to give the gift of music. Our friends and family…
Kris Kardashian Humphries Re-signs with the Nets
It’s Wednesday, December 21, and from a daylight standpoint, it’s the shortest day of the calendar year and equally short on newsworthy events around the sports world (unless you count former Philadelphia newspaper columnist and part-time Jabba the Hutt stand-in Bill Conlin being the next target of child molestation charges;…
Feliz Navidad: A Christmas Playlist En Español
We here at Rocks Off love our Christmas music, except when we don’t. Seriously, big box retailer and car commercials? Why must you always try to force the Christmas spirit on us a full two weeks before Thanksgiving? But then, about a week before the big day, when it is…
Happy Motherlovin’ Birthday Samuel L. Jackson: The King of the F-Word
Today is actor Samuel L. Jackson’s 63rd birthday. The man can currently be seen on Broadway as Martin Luther King Jr. in The Mountaintop with Angela Bassett. Pretty far away from Snakes on a Plane and Coming to America, huh? He’s been getting rave reviews, as people see him in…
Christmas Traditions: Mom’s Best Fudge
My mother is known for many things, but chief among them are her Christmas baked goods, including this family recipe for fudge. Each year, lucky friends and family make out with a tin or two. And until my grandfather passed away a couple of years ago, she would always make…
Having A Hall & Oates Emergency? Callin’ Oates Is Here To Help
We’ve all been there. Stuck in traffic after a long day at work, at your iPod just isn’t cutting it, you’re sick of AM talk radio, the birthday scams are getting stale, FM radio is just Maroon 5 and LMFAO, and you don’t feel like calling your grandmother to say…
Jessie Shepherd, 24, Bayou Body Count No. 197
One man was killed and another injured when a group of attackers fired shots at them near downtown last night, Houston police say. Jessie Shepherd, 24, was shot in the 2200 block of Briley southeast of downtown about 10:35 p.m., HPD says. He was pronounced dead at Ben Taub. A…
The Top 25 Songs From Houston Rap’s Glorious 2011: The Mixtape
So here. These are the 25 best songs from Houston rap’s glorious 2011. They’ve been pressed onto actual cassettes (not pictured above). We only made ten of them, because, fuck, it takes a long time. They are for sale ($600). And, as a way to honor the city’s grey tape…
Of Fufu and Roux: A Nigerian-American Love Story
Last Friday morning, I was rushing around my nine-by-six kitchen and tearing out the contents of the cupboards like a poltergeist. I was running late for our holiday luncheon at work and still needed to make a roux to make a béchamel sauce in order to make a Mornay sauce…
Houston Noise Ordinance Debated at Fitzgerald’s
Tensions were high and the crowd was silent at Fitzgerald’s last night as two Houston Police officers walked onstage to address complaints about the city’s recently amended noise ordinance. Before the police spoke, Fitzgerald’s owner and Free Press Houston managing editor Omar Afra explained to the crowd exactly why the…
An Artwork in Marfa Dies a Slow Death
Out in Marfa, a sculpture that references Texas’s military history is slowly turning to dust. In 1991, Claes Oldenburg and Coosje van Bruggen created an alt-art piece dubbed Monument to the Last Horse for The Chinati Foundation. The 20-foot-tall sculpture, constructed from aluminum and polyurethane foam, sits at the site…
Build-A-Bar: Epazote Bitters
No, these are not commercially available. No, you can’t go down to your local drinkery and get a sample, mixed into a cocktail or dashed sparingly into a glass of soda water. No, I didn’t win them in some crazy online bitters auction, to be stored away like some sort…
Music Lovers, Police Gather at Fitzgerald’s to Talk Noise Ordinance
As two Houston Police officers walked onstage Tuesday night at Fitzgerald’s to address complaints about the city’s recently amended noise ordinance, tensions were high, and the crowd silent. Before the police spoke, Fitzgerald’s owner and Free Press Houston managing editor Omar Afra explained to the crowd exactly why the meeting…
Cassie Wright, UT GOP Anti-Obama Tweeter, Doubles Down on the Dumbness
When Cassie Wright became the second straight perky-blond head of the UT College Republicans to send out an obnoxious anti-Obama tweet, she quickly took her Twitter account private. But now she’s back, and doubling down on the dumbness. Her apparent point, which seems startling to her: The internet and social…
Occupy Houston Protesters Hit with Felony Charges for Port Incident
It seemed a little bogus when Occupy Houston protesters got hit with felony charges for their typical blocking of a street during a Port of Houston event earlier this month and, indeed, the serious charges were quickly dropped. Any celebration has been short-lived, though: A grand jury has now reinstated…
Gothic Council Debates Great Gothic Album Cover Art
Gothtopia would like to firmly bitch-slap an old adage, that being the warning about judging a book by its cover. The lesson we are supposed to draw from that is that we should look deeper inside than just the surface in order to better appreciate the true character of whatever…
Artist Dran Alessi’s Terrariums Are Not Catproof
When Dran Alessi set up her table at Antidote’s annual Craftidote market, it was the first time she sold her found object terrariums to the public. Usually busy at painting and drawing — she last exhibited at Lawndale’s Big Show — she decided she had to start crafting so she…
Comedy Open Mike Monday at Sherlock’s
The bathroom attendant at Sherlock’s singing along to this song on the radio while I used the urinal was one of the more intimate non-sexual moments of my year so far. Here I was trying to piss, and there he was, earnestly expressing himself by the sink and waiting to…
Comment of the Day: Rules & the Modern Geisha
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
Classic Christmas: Nat King Cole’s The Christmas Song
Over the holidays, we’re looking back at some classic Christmas albums taking some track by track and just digging on others. Originally titled The Magic of Christmas, when it was released in 1963, this collection of Christmas songs was basically cobbled together in support of what many — myself included…
Did Someone Order a National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Porn Parody? (NSFW)
As Internet Rule 34 states, “pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject,” and this week we finally found This Isn’t Christmas Vacation: The XXX Parody, released last year, just in time for the holiday season. It wasn’t until we were working on a porn parodies piece for…
Tunnel Explorer: Rico Mexican Food
The tunnels never cease to amaze me. While the preponderance of crap is a constant, there’s a spirit of endless possibility there. Every once in a while, I stumble upon a small diamond amidst all the rough, something unexpected to make me smile, and to give me hope. Recently, it…
Reviews For The Easily Distracted: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Title: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Where Does Lisbeth Salander Rank Among Other Famous Swedes? Just above Dolph Lundgren and just below Brock Samson. Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: Three Tasers out of five. Brief Plot Synopsis: Disgraced journalist teams up with sullen computer hacker to…
Holiday Classics: Fried Honey Balls
We’ll be featuring some holiday cookie classics on Eating Our Words in honor of the season. And since I’ll need something to bribe Santa with after a year of being a total bitch, I can promise you this: all of them will be equally delicious. Last week we focused on…
Agony of Choice: BioShock Infinite vs. Doctor Who: The Eternity Clock
Art Attack has really enjoyed our new video game reviewer role because, well, who wouldn’t? A return to the forefront of the gaming industry after being content to wander around a few system generations back is exhilarating, and for the first time in many years we’re actually sitting on the…
The 10 Best Songs of 2011 You Didn’t Hear
I have absolutely no clue what is going on out there. I know that Beyoncé had that song with the counting, Adele had a song that was maybe about doing ecstasy in a pool, and some guy with a beard got nominated for a Best New Artist Grammy even though…
Hao Huynh: HPD Seeks Killer of UH Student
Houston police are asking for help in solving the December 18 murder of UH student Hao Huynh, 22, who was shot in a robbery as he returned home from a party. HPD says the killing took place about 2:35 a.m. that Sunday morning at the Catalina Village Apartments in the…
Older Is Better: The Five Best Antique Malls in Houston
What better way to honor your living relatives than with gifts from someone else’s dead relatives? Wait, no, we want you to like antique malls! Let me try again: Shopping for an older relative, who remembers the days before iPads? And Wii? And even cell phones?! You might want to…
5 Facebook Timelines That Might Be Worth Reading
This past Friday, Facebook officially rolled out its new application, Facebook Timeline. Facebook first introduced the Timeline concept back in September and has been slowly implementing it throughout various countries. The Timeline is a Facebook application that displays your past news feeds, posts, photos, videos and everything in between, in…
Gay Mermaid Ornaments: Why the Hell Not?
We did not know this, but apparently there’s a gay thing about mermaid ornaments. You go on Web sites that sell Christmas stuff to Teh Gheys, and chances are you’ll see some mermaids and mermans. Why? Mermaids have always seemed sexless to us. Sure, you’ve got the boobs, but there…
5 Most Annoying Collections We Bought for Just One Item
Art Attack’s day job is as a clerk in a sheet music store. Now, people come in and they want a song, and if the song is really popular, say Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep,” then getting just that song is no problem. However, there are hundreds of thousands of…
Artist of the Week: Payton Rae Quietly Eyes Fame
Each Wednesday, Rocks Off arbitrarily appoints one lucky local performer or group “Artist of the Week,” bestowing upon them all the fame and grandeur such a lofty title implies. Know a band or artist that isn’t awful? Email their particulars to sheaserrano@gmail.com. Sometimes you think and sometimes you know. With…
Sampler Plate: This Week in Food Blogs
The Loop Scoop: Sammy’s Wild Game Grill, the dog-and-burger joint, is still busy adding new exotic meats to its menu. This week, The Loop Scoop tried out one of its kangaroo burgers and came away surprised but pleased at the mild, lean flavor of the meat. CultureMap: There is such…
Craig James for Senate! The Campaign Begins (w/ VIDEO)
I’m not a big politics guy. I don’t like to talk politics on my radio show (EVER), I don’t like to talk politics in social situations (People take it too personally) and I don’t spend any of my free time studying the issues. (I spend my free time wishing I…
Unidentified Security Guard, 25, Bayou Body Count No. 196
An argument over loud music ended in the death of a security guard Sunday night, Houston police say. The 25-year-old victim, whose name has not been released pending notification of relatives, was working at the Rockport Apartments in the 8500 block of Nairn on the southwest side when he got…
Fa La La La La: Favorite Records Rocks Off Got for Christmas
No matter what year it is or how old you are, if you love music, there is nothing like finding some new music tucked under the tree or crammed into your stocking. iTunes gift cards are easy. So are gift cards to Tiffany’s, but we bet your girl would be…
Valentines for Soldiers: Send Your Love (and Baked Goods) to Our Troops
Although Christmas and New Year’s Eve are right around the corner, we’re already thinking of Valentine’s Day here at Eating Our Words. And that’s because this year’s Valentines For Soldiers event on Monday, January 16, is going to be bigger and better than ever. Last year, the turnout for the…
Enter the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Giveaway
The movie everyone’s been buzzing about for months is finally here — The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. And you can go to see the film decked out in Girl garb, courtesy of your friends at Art Attack. We’ve got five prize packages that include a long-sleeve T-shirt, a knit…
Howard Hughes Gets a Light-Rail Station Named After Him
The world’s cleanest, germ-free light-rail station — albeit one in which you no doubt will be encouraged to piss in jars — will be Stop 3 on Metro’s new East End line. That stop will be officially designated the Altic/Howard Hughes stop, the agency announced today. One stop later will…
Tumblrin’ Dice: Clipart Covers Hurt Your Eyeballs
Today I discovered Clipart Covers, a Tumblr site dedicated to remaking classic album covers with just clipart and comic sans, turning them into nightmarish, though amusing, affairs. Random urban-looking folks and what looks like a Wii avatar make up the cover of N.W.A ‘s borderline offensive Straight Outta Compton, and…
DIY Holiday Gift: Infused Liquor
Anyone can buy a bottle of Ketel One, throw a bow on it and call it a (holi)day. So this season, I’m kicking it up a notch with a fun and easy DIY holiday gift; some goodie-infused spirits. Here’s how to do it: You’ll need 1 liter desired liquor (vodka,…
Harris County Assistant DA Won’t Be Forced to Testify About DWI Testing Vehicles, Rules State District Judge
Rachel Ann PalmerHarris County assistant district attorney Rachel Ann Palmer will not be forced to testify during a grand jury hearing regarding Houston Police Department’s controversial breath alcohol testing vans. Earlier this morning, Palmer was denied a last-minute motion to disqualify state district judge Susan Brown from the proceedings. However,…
Ask A Rapper: DJ Mr. Luke Picks The Most Intriguing Rap Storylines Of The Year
The hip-hop world is a less than sensible place -lots of times, you’re even required to clarify when bad means bad and when bad means good- so once a week we’re going to get with a rapper and ask them to explain things. Have something you always wanted to ask…
How To: Make Homemade Challah
If you’ve never had Challah bread before, now is the time to try it. This slightly sweet, eggy bread similar to brioche uses oil instead of butter and is traditionally served on the Sabbath and Jewish holidays. Wanting to impress my Jewish fiancé for Hanukkah, I whipped some up this…
Meet Texas’s Only “Rules-Certified” Dating Coach
With so many online dating and former Soviet mail-order bride choices out there, it’s sometimes hard to tell where to get the most bang (heh) for your buck. So when a flack for CupidRadar told us the site teamed up with Texas’s first dating coach certified in the art of…
Beach Boys Reunite for New Album, Ensure Armageddon.
Mason Lankford said, “There will come a day when we forget the Rapture ever even happened,” but Rocks Off is keeping an eye out for signs of our impending Armageddon. We were wrong last time, but we’re totally right this time! In honor of their 50th anniversary the Beach Boys…
A Preview of Triniti Restaurant
For the past year, Chef Ryan Hildebrand has been without a kitchen. But the former Executive Chef of Scott Tycer’s Textile Restaurant has had a new project in the works. And though the road has been long one, he’s finally reached his destination. Triniti Restaurant, his brand-spanking new flagship restaurant…
Unidentified Male Shot at Club, Bayou Body Count No. 195
Homicide police are investigating the death of a man found shot to death at a westside restaurant and club last week. The man, whose identity has not been released pending notification to family members, was shot in Clayton’s Restaurant and Club in the 190 block of West Sam Houston Parkway…
Top 5 Gifts for the Art Lover on Your List
Stumped for what to get the art lover on your list? Here are five gift ideas (including a few that will add to the local economy). Prices range from under $20 to more than $200, so there’s something for everyone. 5. An art tie. (Hey, we didn’t say all five…
Restaurants (and More) That We’re Excited About for 2012
As a testament to how syrupy-slow the building, planning and permitting process can be for restaurants in Houston, three — yes, three — of the restaurants we were excited about for 2011 are making a repeat appearance on this year’s list of restaurants we’re excited about for 2012. One could…
Distant Early Warning: Al Green, Balaclavas, Built To Spill, Gladys Knight, Los Campesinos!
Al Green: Fri., April 27. Arena Theatre, 7326 SW Freeway, Houston. Balaclavas, Black Congress, Psychic Palms: Fri., Jan. 13. Mango’s, 403 Westheimer Road, Houston. Ben Kweller: Thu., April 19. Fitzgerald’s, 2706 White Oak, Houston. Brandi Carlile: Wed., Feb. 8. House of Blues, 1204 Caroline, Houston. Built To Spill, Lucero: Mon.,…
Why We Love to Hate the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Control Commission
In the wake of a recent post on the absurdity of wine shipping regulation in Texas, a cordial, however tense, dialogue (online and a voce) ensued between me and my friend and colleague Alfonso Cevola, a 30-year veteran of the Texas wine industry, a high-level manager for one of the…
Comment of the Day: A Life Lesson, Via the Texans
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
Linda Chorney Still Hasn’t Withdrawn Her Grammy Nomination
The comments sections on several articles about Linda Chorney, the woman who gamed the system and social networked her way onto the final Grammy ballot in the Americana category, tend to be pretty negative, although Chorney’s publicist, husband and a few friends are trying to staunch the flow of irate…
Contribute to Electronic Crap Heap at Art League Houston
Got electronic junk? Don’t waste it in the Dumpster. Art League Houston is currently looking for second-hand donations of old stuff — ranging from computer monitors and laptops to clunky analog television sets and DVD players — for its “After Christmas Second Hand Project.” The nonprofit will use the goods…
Dustyn Skyler Roff, 4, Bayou Body Count No. 194
A woman has been arrested and a man is on the run in connection with the blunt-force-trauma death of a four-year-old boy, Houston police say. Dustyn Skyler Roff was found dead in the 7100 block of Hillcroft about 6:15 a.m. Friday morning. His mother Britni Bereasa Glover, 23, has been…
Classic Christmas: Elvis’ Christmas Album
Over the holidays, we’re looking back at some classic Christmas albums taking some track by track and just digging on others. In 1957 at the near peak of his early success, Elvis Presley did what many artists did: He made a Christmas record. The result was what would become one…
My 5 Most Awkward Brushes with the Sex Industry
Hi guys, Jef here. Let’s drop the royal we for the duration of this and talk like regular folks with severe mental problems. This was a big year for me at the Houston Press, and also the first year that I got to attend the blogger holiday party. Since I…
Top 5 Seasonal Booze Gifts
It can be risky to give a bottle of booze as a gift, as it may not always be to the recipient’s tastes. On the other hand, some liquors are easy to re-gift, or better yet, used for holiday parties. Here’s five of the more seasonal: 5. Jameson Irish Whiskey…
Scott Merritt Goes Lo-Fi on Latest Eaglesmith Album
One of our favorite albums of the year is Fred Eaglesmith’s 6 Volts. Like the Le Noise project from Neil Young and producer Daniel Lanois, 6 Volts is decidedly lo-fi. The main technical challenge for Eaglesmith and producer Scott Merritt, who goes back with Eaglesmith virtually to his recorded beginnings,…
Felon Fitness Teaches You How to Get a Hard Body Without Doing Hard Time
The main problem with workouts like hip-hop Pilates is that there is no primal fear involved. The fundamental tenet of Felon Fitness, on the other hand, is that “In prison, being fit is a matter of life or death.” The book on this latest form of alternative exercise modeled on…
Philippe Offers Luxurious To-Go Items for the Holiday Table
Philippe (the acclaimed Galleria-area restaurant headed up by Chef Philippe Schmit) is offering a small selection of delicacies that you can buy and serve at home for the holidays. We were able to sample some of the fare, and found some of it to be incredible. Two salmon choices are…
Sex & Violent Mayhem: Santa with Batman, Superman, Spidey & Other Comic Superheroes
That Santa, he gets around. And part of his getting around is mingling with the comic-book heroes of the day, if history is any judge. Whether he’s chatting up Batman, seemingly getting a blow job from Wonder Woman or riding bareback on Captain Marvel, Mr. Claus is a good friend…
Pop Rocks: Comparing Lisbeth Salander to That Guy from That Other Famous Trilogy
David Fincher’s adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s gazillion-selling The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo opens today. I’ll have a review up tomorrow, which will likely have no effect on the reportedly large numbers of women planning to avoid the film entirely. Says another marketing exec, “Hyper-realistic violence against women is very…
Pop Rocks: In Which I Conclusively Prove Lisbeth Salander’s Cultural Supremacy
David Fincher’s adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s gazillion-selling The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo opens today. I’ll have a review up tomorrow, which will likely have no effect on the reportedly large numbers of women planning to avoid the film entirely. Says another marketing exec, “Hyper-realistic violence against women is very…
WTF? Cassie Wright, ANOTHER Bubbly Blond UT Republican Head, Tweets Obnoxiously About Obama
Gee, the University of Texas College Republicans sure is a discerning, deep-thinking and astute group. A while back, the group’s president, Lauren Pierce, tweeted this: So got tossed. And replaced by someone with an equally giggly and effervescent avatar, who also showed the same ability to make trenchant political analysis…
Save Yourself: The 10 Worst Online Retailers
It’s frustrating enough to shop for friends and family members during the holidays. Do I get my 80-year-old aunt a gift card to Kroger or H-E-B? Decisions, decisions. Unfortunately, some online merchants make the process even more difficult by creating overly complicated, ugly or annoying Web sites. Instead of shopping…
Interview: Dani Filth Talks Concept Albums and Playing Live at Castle Bathory
Our apologies to Dani Filth for any inconsistency as the voice recorder app we downloaded specifically for this interview and spent an hour practicing with to make sure it worked perfectly buggered off. Thus we recreated our conversation from memory and learned a valuable lesson about over-reliance on technology. Rocks…
Where Are We Drinking?
Even though the guy in this photo is drinking an Aquafina, this newly reopened bar in one of the city’s hottest neighborhoods serves alcohol too — including some seriously strong mixed drinks. Even better, it’s open over the holidays in case you need a brief respite from all the family…
8 Hanukkah Videos to Remind You How Awesome Being Chosen Is
This past weekend, while flipping through the tube, we were overwhelmed with the sheer volume of Christmas movies, TV specials and claymated cartoons. You can’t channel surf without being inundated with splashes of red and green. ABC Family has literally dedicated its entire December programming schedule to the holiday, and…
Last-Minute Shopping: The 10 Best Online Retailers (Not Named Amazon.com)
For a decade now, online retailers have increasingly grown their sales to the point they now rival traditional brick and mortar establishments. Let’s face it, it’s just easier to shop online if you have a computer, an Internet connection and a desire to avoid crowds. You can sit there with…
Texas Buzz: 94.5 FM Hands Out 2011 Local Music Awards
The voting members of the Texas Buzz have spoken, and we have the results. For those unfamiliar with the showcase, Houston’s 94.5 The Buzz gives the spotlight to local artists Sunday evenings beginning at 9 p.m., and the program is called The Texas Buzz. Concurrently, Scout Bar in Clear Lake…
And the Winner Is…
Alexander B. wins the free tickets to Shame! Congratulations; we hope you enjoy the show. Please keep reading Art Attack. We’ll have more contests soon, including cool gift packs for both The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo starring Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara and Stellan Skarsgård, and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy…
Seven People Nearly Killed by Runaway Cart at Cowboys Stadium (w/ CRAZY Video)
There are certain buildings in sports that are seemingly jinxed. Since the Red Sox finally got off the World Series schneid a few years back, Wrigley Field immediately comes to mind as the current titleholder for “bad luck mecca” as the Cubs haven’t made a World Series in over a…
Rap Round Table: What Do You Want For Christmas, Rapper?
Some rappers happen to be thoughtful, intelligent people. Each week Rocks Off will have some of them here discussing issues relevant to their culture. This Week’s Panel: Z-Ro, C-Stone, Kyle Hubbard, D-Risha, Mr. Wired Up (Oh Boy), A.D.D., Marcus Manchild, One Hunnidt, Chuckway, Preemo, Medicine Girl, Fat Tony, more. Not…
The Biggest Grocery Store Openings of 2011
Frequent commenter and fellow food blogger Misha Govstehyn once asked, on Twitter, why Eating Our Words covers so many grocery store openings. There couldn’t possibly be that many people who cared, he reasoned. Except that there are. I’m one of them, actually. Going to a grocery store — especially a…
YASSEAH!: Creed Hitting Houston For A Two-Night Stand This Spring
It’s hard to believe, but Florida rock giants Creed will be celebrating 15 years of 1997’s landmark debut, My Own Prison. Well, it’s not that hard to believe if you can do math and shit we guess. The band will be at Verizon Wireless Theater on April 30 and May…
Mark William Woerner: Urged Kids to Take His Child-Porn Collection to School
Mark William Woerner, 55, is being sent to federal prison for a long, long time — 80 years, in fact — and with the evidence produced at his trial, not many people are going to question that. Among his highlights, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office: Possessing at least 8,000…
Fly To The Angels: A Hair Metal Tribute To Kim Jong-il
Kim Jong-il and ’80s hair metal were almost synonymous, and last night when the world found out that the North Korean leader passed on to the big rock show in the sky, all I could listen to was hair ballads, driving through the city in tears. Looking at things he…
How To: Make an Antipasto Plate
It’s not a holiday in my family without a big platter of antipasti. Every holiday, my aunt Estelle brings all the goodies from an amazing deli in Brooklyn. She leaves the presentation of the plate up to my friend Marisa and me, and then, without fail, proceeds to yell at…
Corpus Man Steals Beer Twice, Gets Beaten Up, All in One Evening
For most people, a single day in which you were beaten badly enough by a group of men at a bus station to require a hospital visit and were caught (allegedly) swiping beer not once but twice would qualify as rock bottom. For the unidentified 27-year-old man at the heart…
Go On an Inner Loop Hot Chocolate Crawl
You say “hot chocolate,” I say “hot cocoa.” Both equal Liquid Holiday Spirit, so here’s an assemblage of hot chocos to try all within a few zip codes. It’s a beverage crawl for which you won’t need a designated driver. (Unless you consider sugar high a form of impairment.) 5…
Unidentified Female with No Known Family, 31, Bayou Body Count No. 193
The body of a female was found on the side of a southeast-side road Friday morning, and police are trying to track down any relatives. The woman, who police say suffered “sharp force trauma to her body,” was found in the 4100 block of River Drive about 8 a.m. December…
Trailer Park: The Dark Knight Rises Reveals a Very Occupy-y Message
Today the official trailer for next July’s The Dark Knight Rises dropped online, revealing way more about the film than the shoddy bootleg video we saw last week of the few minutes of footage shown in IMAX theaters this week. Today’s trailer reveals more about the storyline, including a pronounced…
Aftermath: Our Favorite Shows of 2011
This week we asked our pool of Rocks Off writers what their favorite shows of 2011 were, the ones that brought joy to their hearts to attend and helped them make magic with a keyboard hours later. Hopefully delivered to us editors on time. Ahem. Our team was busy this…
Dining Out on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day
It’s allegedly the most wonderful time of the year. But we’re guessing whomever penned that phrase never spent Christmas Eve amid the pandemonium of wide-eyed, frantic shoppers desperately trying to cross those last few names off of the shopping list, or stayed up until the wee small hours of the…
RIP Kim Jong-il: Memes for the Departed Dear Leader
Last night the Western world found out that North Korean leader Kim Jong-il had passed away at the age of 69, on a train, closing a strange chapter in history while also beginning a new one mired in confusion and worry over how his son will take the reins of…
Friday Night: Flo Rida at House of Blues
Just before heading out to House of Blues on Friday, we sent the same text message to nine random friends: “Hey, I’m playing trivia and could really use some help. Quick, name a Flo Rida song,” to which 8 out of 9 thumbed back the same three-letter response: “Low.”…
Tequila & Tamales: And the Winners Were…
From the moment I saw Chef Tommy Birdwell’s tamales plated and handed over to eager guests, I knew he’d brought his A-game to last Thursday night’s Tequila & Tamales event at Xuco Xicana. Each corn husk had been tied and butterflied open with a flourish, showcasing the rust-colored tamales inside…
Hallelujah! Amen to the Houston Symphony’s “Messiah”
If you are looking for a new holiday tradition, consider the Houston Symphony’s “Handel’s Messiah in Candlelight,” which is the perfect blend of sacred Christmas music, easily accessible for the casual symphony listener, with a stunning setting in the dim of candlelight. This year’s annual performance took place this past…
Raymond Lee Mazon: Shoots Three Outside a Midtown Club
Houston police arrested Raymond Lee Mazon, 26, after they say he opened fire on three people after getting kicked out of a Midtown club early Sunday morning. Police say Mazon was ordered to leave Link Lounge at 2901 Fannin and walked away about 12:45 a.m. Sunday. In the 1100 block…
Wine for Hanukkah, the Festival of Fried Foods and Olive Oil
You don’t need me to tell you why we eat fried foods for Hanukkah, the Jewish festival that commemorates the “rededication of the Holy Temple (the Second Temple) in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt of the second century BCE.” In celebrating the miracle of the one-day supply…
AgesandAges: A Tale of Portland and Pearl Harbor
As the year comes to its close and we welcome the cool temperatures and the grey skies, definitely our favorite weather, we turn to the Pacific Northwest and the band AgesandAges. Mick Cullen of Subterranean Radio, our dealer in all excellent and underground, passed along the music video for the…
Menil Collection Publishes an Award-Winning Book
“Ancestors of the Lake” has been dismantled, its pieces returned to worldwide museums and private collections. If you didn’t see the Menil Collection exhibit that gave visual props to rare and unusual art from New Guinea, no worries-ish. Last week, the companion text to the exhibit, Ancestors of the Lake:…
Unidentified Male, 21, Bayou Body Count No. 192
A man was shot to death in an apparent robbery attempt on the south side early Sunday morning, police say. The murder occurred about 2:30 a.m. in the 3500 block of Dixie Drive. The male victim, whose name has not been released, was found dead by police. Witnesses said “they…
Saturday Night: Jandek at the Menil Collection
When Jandek took the stage in the Menil Collection foyer, what would he play? What would he do? What would he look like? Those were the questions buzzing through the crowd of art patrons, students, record collectors and weirdoes who assembled on Saturday to witness Houston’s world-famous musical curiosity. The…
What’s Cooking This Week?
Happy Hanukkah (tomorrow)! This week, I’m going to impress my Jewish fiancé with a week-long (don’t judge me for not going the full eight days) Hanukkah feast like he’s never had before. Since he’s been in grad school living off peanut butter and jelly for the past five years, it…
The Week in TV: Jimmy Fallon Returns to SNL
• It’s easy to forget that Extreme Makeover: Home Edition — the cataclysmically sad reality show in which lower-income families receive new houses — was a spinoff of Extreme Makeover, as odious a show as Home Edition is kind. Sure, it wasn’t as bad as The Swan, but still, it…
Classic Christmas: The Perry Como Christmas Album
Over the holidays, we’re looking back at some classic Christmas albums taking some track by track and just digging on others. When we think back now about the 1950’s, we tend to idealize them as the birth of rock and roll, when kids were wearing leather jackets and rebelling against…
Visit the Fake Wedding Site for The Five-Year Engagement
Because we’re not already involved in more weddings than desirable, the marketing team at Universal has created a fake wedding blog (complete with YouTube channel) for the main characters of The Five-Year Engagement. In the movie, Jason Segel’s Tom and Emily Blunt’s Violet are happily engaged when Violet’s new job…
Open Jukebox Night at Fitzgerald’s: Mixing New Wave Tunes With No-Nonsense Cocktails
Justin Burrow, who recently received the Favorite Mixologist nod for the My Table Houston Culinary Awards in October, is using his experience to create a casual and accessible cocktail night every Tuesday evening at Fitzgerald’s. Fitzgerald’s has been around for 34 years and is a Houston live-music institution. Burrow has…
Comment of the Day: CVS & The Morning-After Pill
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: The Year Just Past in Cougar Sports
John RoyalCase Keenum was the Man of the Year for the Cougars.Yes, it’s that time of year. That time of year when I take a look back at the year just past. On Friday, I looked back at the sports year for the Rice Owls. Today, let’s take a look…
A Geek Answers Your Children’s Questions About Santa Claus
If there is any one aspect of being a parent we have been avidly preparing for for years, it’s how to explain the concept of Santa Claus to our child. The world of science and pop culture offers so many helpful devices and skills that we are fully confident of…
11 Odd & Occasionally Ugly Snow Globes of Texas
When you think “Texas,” you don’t necessarily think “snow,” unless your mind is drawn to fatal and tragic accidents during Super Bowls in cities that should never have them. But snow globes are an important aspect of the souvenir trade, so whether the places in question ever actually get much…
12 Music Business Predictions for 2012
Where were we? Oh yeah, crystal ball and prophesies. You ready for this? OK. What follows is a list of events we expect to befall the music industry in 2012. Yes, these are etched in stone and should be regarded as gospel. Full prophetic titillation ahead…
MasterMinds One Year Later: Catastrophic Theatre’s Jason Nodler on Batman and Samuel Beckett
In the year since Catastrophic Theatre was named a MasterMind, the experimental theater company has added an additional production to its schedule, discovered a whole new audience, and artistic director Jason Nodler has even stopped smoking. “Something I thought I’d never do,” he said. “I used to smoke three packs…
Where Are We Eating?
A plate of dazzling green curry will warm your soul on even the dullest, most humid winter’s day. Especially this green curry, which is as spicy as it comes. And it’s a festive shade of Christmas green to boot! Think you know where we’re eating this week? Leave your best…
Panthers 28, Texans 13: Concerns Mount at QB, Kicker As Playoffs Approach
The Texans are three weeks from postseason play and have rapidly intensifying concerns at quarterback and placekicker, two of the most critical playoff positions. It may not be time to panic, but a regular season that seems certain to end with a No. 3 playoff seed still holds significant questions…
This Week in Deliciousness
Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we’re honoring the spiritual and religious roots of the holiday season by keeping the “Saturn” in “Saturnalia!” We hope you’ll join us in serving the traditional Christmas goose to your house servants this December 23. We started the…
Gabriela Rodriguez, 31, Bayou Body Count 191
Murder charges have been filed against a woman accused of driving drunk and killing another woman in September. Court documents show Terri Cox Ferguson, 51, has been charged with felony murder in the September 29 death of Gabriela Rodriguez. The documents say Ferguson was drunk when she got into an…
Chicago Bears WR Sam Hurd Has a Ring…a Drug Ring!
I remember former Houston Texans (and now Washington Redskins) wide receiver David Anderson telling me a couple years ago about a program that the NFL offered players in which they could travel to prestigious universities during the off season and take graduate courses in entrepreneurship. If I recall correctly, Anderson…
Singing “Souleros” – A Conversation with Santana Band Frontman Andy Vargas
Andy Vargas wears many hats. He is one of two lead singers for the The Carlos Santana Band. He is the son who followed in his father’s footsteps by choosing music as a career. He is a dedicated dad to his 16-year-old son. He is part of an effort to…
Kevin Hart and his Alter Ego Chocolate Droppa
From hosting this year’s BET Awards to releasing his own concert movie in theaters, called Laugh at My Pain, 2011 has certainly been a breakthrough year for in-demand funnyman Kevin Hart. But how many of you Kevin Hart fans know about his hip-hop alter ego Chocolate Droppa? While Hart’s star…
Upcoming Events: Money Cats and Date Nights
Isn’t it romantic? Haven is offering a December-long special for lovebirds (or, hell, for two people who feel platonically about one another but also like to eat great food): Date Night. For $80 (exclusive of tax and tip), the two of you will be able to sample some of the…
Qian Feng: Dog-Poisoner No Show in Court for Sentencing
A man who pled guilty to poisoning his neighbor’s dogs failed to show up for sentencing today in Harris County District Clerk, his defense attorney confirmed. A bond forfeiture warrant has been issued for his arrest. Qian Feng raised some hackles when he was arrested for allegedly lobbing strychnine-laced cheeseballs…
Comment of the Day: Pharmacists, Keep Your Religious Beliefs to Yourself
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
The 35 Best Shit-Talking Lines From Hoodstar Chantz’s Before The Fame
Officially: Hoodstar Chantz, Houston’s motor-mouthed motor-mouth, is Dionysius. And Before the Fame, his latest tape, is his pinecone-tipped staff. There are choruses here and bits there that can be passed over -there is a love song called “Far Away” that shows up about two-thirds of the way through the LP;…
Chef Chat, Part 3: Terrence Gallivan of Pilot Light Restaurant Group – The Tasting
The last two days, we’ve been chatting with Chef Terrence Gallivan of Pilot Light Restaurant Group about his experience as a chef in New York, his move to Houston, and most of all, what we can expect from Pilot Light when it eventually opens. This last part of the chat,…
Merry Christinamas: Hot Chicks with Things That Dudes Like
This week, the world of “guhhhh” was rocked with a set of pictures featuring noted scotch fan and Mother of All That Is Holy, faux-redhead Christina Hendricks posing, bustily — it’s a word now — with a bottle of Johnnie Walker in a delightful Christmas scene. Men (and women) who…
Health Department Roundup: Conspiracy Theory Edition
In this Fox 26 piece, one of the opponents of the new city regulation that says cops don’t need decibel meters to write noise ordinance tickets puts forth an interesting theory. Steve Bundrick suggests the new rules took effect shortly after the red-light cameras were shut down for good, to…
Person of Interest: Murder by “Number Crunch”
While Person of Interest remains, at heart, a procedural on a network positively glutted with them, it’s managed so far to engage us by slowly but surely advancing the overarching mythology week by week. By avoiding too many standalone episodes and spreading the explication out among the three principals (Finch,…
Last Night: HURT At Fitzgerald’s
Barely 100 people filed into Fitzgerald’s downstairs quarters Thursday night for HURT’s acoustic performance. It was warm, and the fans overhead served only to circulate the air around the room as members of the crowd conversed amongst themselves between songs. Onstage, meanwhile, the Virginia-born, Los Angeles-based five-piece HURT cooed to…
The Top Moments in 2011 Rice Owls Sports
John RoyalRice’s Anthony Rendon became a very rich baseball player this summer.It’s that time of year. The time for end-of-year lists and bests of, etc. And I’m not immune to tossing off an easy post. So, without further ado, and in no particular order, here are the Top 25 Events…
Football! My Texans Prediction and Other Weekend Best Bets
Every year at about this time, I wind up investing several hundred dollars in various pieces of Texans gear for my two sons (ages 13 and 12, and I’m fairly certain the only two Texan fans in their Chicago-area junior high school), and while the attitude in this, the most…
Remember Max Headroom?: Creepy And Stupid Christmas Videos From Holidays Past And Present
Yeah! It’s almost Christmas! With each minute we are all one step closer to the day when we can stop posting lists about things pertaining to the holiday. Seriously, by the second week in December you almost type “Christmas” instead of your own name sometimes, and your brain atrophies whenever…
Custom Lowrider: The Week in Photos
It’s time again to check out the Houston Press Flickr Pool and see what kinds of art shots our talented photographers have added. We love street art, unique perspectives and beautiful photos of Houston’s creative community. If you think you’ve got a good eye, drop your pictures in the pool…
Openings & Closings: Coming Home to Roost
This week brings a lot of sad news, so we’ll get that out of the way first. Ripping the Band-Aid off and all that… Three restaurants closed this past week, two of which we actually liked. One of them even received a glowing review from Alison Cook in the Chronicle…
Declassified KBR Contract Shows How It Gets a Free Pass for Willful Misconduct
A KBR government contract protected the company from liability for injuries or deaths caused by willful misconduct, according to recently declassified Army documents. Although the existence of the clause was revealed as a part of a lawsuit filed in 2009, the actual document remained classified until this week. The contract…
Odd Pair: What Wine to Pair with Hospital Food?
Color me pink! Tracie P and I had a baby on Monday: Georgia P arrived Monday afternoon at 3:52 p.m., 6 lbs., 14.5 oz., 20 inches, ten fingers, ten toes, and gorgeous curly locks of dark hair. Everyone is healthy and happy, the baby passed all her tests with flying…
Not Average Joe: Six Rock and Roll Joes on the Day “Hey Joe” Turns 45
Despite the fact that he never really had a major “hit” (Electric Ladyland reached number one as an album but he never had a single go higher than 20 in the US) and was terribly under appreciated while he was still alive, Jimi Hendrix is one of the giants of…
The X Factor: Three Factors Left
Recap-rich, last night’s X Factor results show also featured performances by Florence + The Machine and Nicole Scherzinger. Nicole’s new single is called “Pretty,” but it wasn’t all that pretty — she is, though. I love Florence + The Machine and I’ll listen to her sing anything, so I’m pretty…
Occupy Houston: Unnamed HPD Cops Reprimanded for Blacking Out Their Badge Numbers
A verbal reprimandPolice officers who intentionally concealed their identity before arresting Occupy the Port protesters Monday hardly got a spanking for deceiving the public, according to their unamused daddy, Chief of Police Charles McClelland. He admitted that several of his officers used tape to cover their names on their uniforms…
It’s a Brave, New, Genetically Modified World at Peel Gallery
Of the three artists showing in “A Brave New World,” a new show at Peel Gallery, Magid Salmi is certainly the main draw. He followed up a well-received show at Spacetaker, featuring his “Frankenfood” photographs, to win Art League’s juried exhibition, “Gambol,” earlier this month, catching the eye of none…
DEFCON Dining: Moneycat Brunch
Justin Yu’s Moneycat Brunch pops up over at Umai Japanese Restaurant”>Umai Japanese Restaurant, every Sunday between 9 and 3, or until food runs out. It’s been running for about a month now, and I’ve been lucky enough to make it for two installments. There’s only one more Sunday of Moneycat,…
Classic Christmas: Bing Crosby’s White Christmas
Over the holidays, we’re looking back at some classic Christmas albums taking some track by track and just digging on others. Bing Crobsy was the first crossover pop star. He made movies, music, appeared in both radio and television programs and did all of it successfully and, more importantly, really…
Reviews for the Easily Distracted: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
Title: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows What Sort Of Shadows? The ones thrown by extraordinarily large explosions, apparently. Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: Two Otto von Bismarcks out of five. Brief Plot Synopsis: Eccentric consulting detective Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) attempts to thwart the plans…
Bartender Chat: Stephen Caronna Of Piola
The first time I went to Piola, I thought “damn, this place is bright.” It had been a crappy, rainy Monday. I was hungry and in a nasty mood, but the place actually cheered me up. It was happy hour, and I ended up getting pretty happy. I ordered a…
WarBeast: Oh Fuck, They Have a Time Machine
It’s a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we’re trying hard to find meaning in the oddest monikers. We try real hard to avoid metal bands here in the old What’s in a Name? column. We still haven’t forgiven Owl Witch for…
How Not to Turn Yourself in for Arrest When High
If you have a warrant or two for your arrest, it’s a good idea to go ahead and turn yourself in. That way you get to pick when you are detained, and not the boys in blue, who might just haul you in at a very inconvenient time. Perhaps that’s…
The 9 Creepiest Laughs in Pop Culture
They say laughter is the best medicine, but no matter how good the medicine is, if it’s delivered with a rusty hypodermic needle by a disreputable Tijuanan doctor who smells vaguely of pennies and soup mix, it probably isn’t going to do you any good at all. Here we pay…
Shame on You If You Don’t Enter Our Giveaway
We’ve got ten free passes to the upcoming film Shame, an exploration of sexual addiction starring Michael Fassbender (above) and Carey Mulligan. Shame is playing in an exclusive engagement at the Regal Greenway Grand Palace Stadium 24 starting tomorrow. You can use the free tickets for any Monday through Thursday…
Week in Photos: Take Flight
Each week, we take a dip into the Houston Press Flickr pool and see what our talented photographers have been up to. We’re looking for pictures that represent the best of Houston, from food to art to events, to secret hidden spots of beauty. Just drop them in our Flickr…
Happy Birthday Jane Austen and the 7 Hottest Austen Men
Happy Birthday, Jane Austen! On December 16, Jane Austen, every book club’s favorite female author, would have been 236, had she been alive. She is the author of six celebrated novels, in addition to a handful of short works, letters and poems. Ms. Austen’s work has been noted as much…
College Kids Home for Christmas: The Venn Diagram of Parents’ & Students’ Expectations
“Home for the holidays” — it can mean so many things. If the circumstances involve a college kid coming home for Christmas break, “home for the holidays” can mean two wildly divergent sets of expectations and hopes for what will happen. There’s the kid, who has gotten used to independence…
Del McCoury Band Descends on Conroe
Conroe’s Sounds of Texas Music Series has pulled a major coup that should have local bluegrass fans’ hearts palpitating with their booking of the Del McCoury Band for February 4, 2012. McCoury and his band, which includes his sons Rob and Ronnie, both of whom are monster instrumentalists and singers,…
The Rest of the Best: Houston’s Top 10 Margaritas
For the next 20 weeks, we’ll be rounding up the runners-up to our 2011 Best of Houston® winners. In many categories, picking each year’s winner is no easy task. We’ll be spotlighting 20 of those categories, in which the winner had hefty competition from other Houston bars and restaurants…
Lincoln! Batman! A Lot of Zombies!: The Most Anticipated Films of 2012
2012 promises to be a fun year to go to the movies, with the Christopher Nolan’s Batman series closing out, The Avengers teaming up for the first time and Daniel Day-Lewis drinking the South’s milkshake in Lincoln. Of course 3-D pictures will continue to reign as long as asses are…
Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies
Christmas is a time for parties, and apparently no one knows more about hard partying than Kris Kringle himself. You can’t blame the man — anyone facing the pressure of successfully overnighting millions of gifts and checking the goddamn list twice needs to blow off some steam. And Claus is…
Gay Rick Perry: The Rumors Resurface
Kick a man while he’s down, why don’t you? Rick Perry has effectively taken himself out of the GOP nomination race, it seems, and he did it by his performance on the stump, not by skeletons in the closet coming out. But now that he’s seemingly buried, former state rep…
Come In from the Cold: 10 Great Cold-Weather Soups in Houston
It’s an unseasonally balmy 79 degrees today, as Houston continues its defiant trend of refusing to allow a third season into town. (You know the old adage: Houston has two seasons, summer and February.) But it won’t be warm forever. In fact — just in time for tonight’s Tequila &…
Chris Gray Benefit Scheduled for Saturday, January 14 at Continental Club
Many have asked about a benefit for music editor Chris Gray and we’re finally able to announce the HUGE benefit that will take place Saturday, January 14 at the Continental Club and the surrounding block we just call “the island.” The bonanza of bands gets started at 10 a.m. and…
This Is the Guy Who Brutally Raped a Woman on South Gessner
Houston police have released a composite sketch of the man suspected of assaulting and raping a woman on the west side earlier this month. The woman was near the intersection of South Gessner and Harwin about 6:30 a.m., December 4, police say, when the attack occurred. A “Ford Bronco or…
American Horror Story: Born in Blood
Over the course of our coverage of American Horror Story we’ve been sort of dismissive of the ongoing story arch involving Viven’s Connie Britton) pregnancy. They’ve done their level best to interest us in the story, what with adding ghost rape, prophecies of the Anti-Christ, and just your typical horror…
Party Food: Baked Brie Bites
Going to a potluck holiday party after work and have zero time to really cook anything? Sometimes I get panicky when it comes to bringing a dish to a get-together. I want it to be good, homemade and unique, but I don’t always have time to spend in the kitchen…
Rife Kimler, Odd SETX Attorney, Arrested for Harboring Wanted Young Woman
Photo via 12NewsNowRife Kimler: Only a coincidence that his name rhymes with Himmler.Criminal defense attorneys are often colorful characters, but few seem as downright eccentric as Rife Kimler of Nederland. Kimler is currently in hot water for hindering the apprehension of an accused thief — a young woman who claimed…
The 10 Most Popular Rocks Off Posts of 2011
Each December we take a moment to reflect back on the writing of the year, looking at those posts that seem to most fervently stir the hearts and imaginations of our readers. This year, you guys were really, really into films, soundtracks and music documentaries. There were also a couple…
Brew Blog: Mikkeler/Brew Dog Divine Rebel 2010
You know that feeling you get when you find money in your pants while doing laundry? It doesn’t even matter if it’s five dollars or a hundred, it gives me a little thrill. I know full well that it’s not really found money. I haven’t actually gained anything, just rediscovered…
Free for All: Art Without a Price Tag
Keep your money in your pocket this weekend, even while you see some of the best performing and visual arts the city has to offer. For Friday, we suggest “Sketchy Neighbors: Saddest Love Story Almost Never Told: Based on a True Idea” The group putting on the art exhibit is…
30footFall Drummer Turns to Horror Scores
Rocks Off literally can’t remember a time when we couldn’t find 30footFall in the concert listings of Houston Press and before that Public News. Like the Hates, the Sinister Sirens, and deadhorse they were always a part of the background of everyday teenage life in Houston. Now, drummer Brian Davis…
Forbidden Broadway’s Greatest Hits: A Valentine Dipped in Acid
The set-up: If you’re a fan of musicals, you must trot, high kick, or shuffle-ball-change over to Ovations to experience Masquerade’s latest cabaret revue, Gerald Alessandrini’s wicked parody of all things Broadway-belted. You have to move fast because this show plays in a limited run only through Saturday. What a…
CVS Refused to Sell Man a Morning-After Pregnancy Pill
If you keep a Plan B morning-after pill around for emergencies, sometimes it’s going to get used, which means you’re going to have to go get a new one, right? And if you’re a chivalrous dude, you’ll offer to do the chore yourself. That’s what Isaac Kurtz set out to…
Art Car’s Annual Show Spotlights Sherry Sullivan, aka. A Real Trooper
It’s kind of, sort of impossible, in a single blog post, to discuss all 125 artists that will exhibit work in the Art Car Museum’s thematic exhibition “RECONSTRUCTION.” Instead, Art Attack will focus on one story that we think is pretty cool. Sherry Sullivan, an 82-year-old artist and 40-plus-year Houston…
Classic Christmas: Charles Brown & Friends’ Merry Christmas Baby
Over the holidays, we’re looking back at some classic Christmas albums taking some track by track and just digging on others. Blues musician Charles Brown released and re-released Christmas songs numerous times throughout his career. The Texas City native got a lot of mileage out of Christmas music, particularly two…
Fort Bend Brewing Brings One More Craft Brewery to Town
First Houston, then Conroe, then Katy. Now Sugar Land is getting a craft brewery of its own — Fort Bend Brewing — and the momentum created by the rash of brewery openings in 2011 seems determined to continue into 2012. Fort Bend Brewing plans to open early next year, starting…
Chef Chat, Part 2: Terrence Gallivan of Pilot Light Restaurant Group
Yesterday, we chatted with Pilot Light Restaurant Groups Chef Terrence Gallivan about his experience as a chef in some of New York’s finest restaurants. Today he shares what brought him to Houston, and a bit about what to expect from Pilot Light. EOW: So this is an adventure for you,…
The Meth Singularity: Oklahoma Woman Tries to Cook Batch Inside Walmart
In last month’s feature on meth in East Texas, veteran Angelina County speed freak James “Bull” Durham was positively exultant about the drug’s ease of manufacture these days. Gone are the days whereby expert “chefs” needed isolation and lots of time to whip up a batch. With the resurgence of…
Five Cool Songs Carmine Appice Drummed In Honor of His 65th Birthday
Carmine Appice (pronounced “uh-pees” despite his brother Vinny claiming it is “a-puh-see” — weird) is one of rock music’s most recognized (and not just for the Fu Manchu ‘stache) and longest tenured rock drummers. He also happens to be a somewhat polarizing figure. Despite being a contemporary and even predecessor…
Top Five “Old Plays” I’d Like to See in Houston
We’re never grateful for things that don’t happen, like NOT getting a flat tire. And we usually don’t ruminate on things we love that are absent (unless he or she is especially hot), but nonetheless I found myself musing on plays I miss – I’m a Manhattan/Miami transplant, so forgive…
The X Factor: Pepsi Challenge Final Four
Last week bubbly Rachel Crow was eliminated from The X Factor leaving Marcus Canty, Melanie Amaro, Chris Rene and Josh Krajcik as the final four contestants in line for a $5 million recording contract, a Pepsi commercial, and of course the title-holder of WINNER for the first U.S. X Factor…
Mark James: Took Hewlett-Packard for $10 Million by Posing As Big Companies
A British citizen has been charged with conspiracy to defraud Hewlett-Packard out of $10 million by setting up phony companies to get big discounts on computers he would then resell. The U.S. Attorney’s Office announced that Mark Allan James, 44, had been charged and is expected in court today. Jones…
Houston’s Mezzanine Lounge Named Smartest Bar in America
Contrary to what you may have heard up north, Texas isn’t a congeries of lazy, narrow-minded, horse-riding, Dolly Parton-blasting moon calves. The truth is, we’re just some easygoing folks who happen to kick ass at bar trivia. That’s right, bar trivia. And it’s official now that Houston’s own Mezzanine Lounge…
Top 5 Champagnes Under $60 for the Holidays
Okay, folks. There’s good news and there’s bad news. The good news is that price of Champagne is a little bit easier to swallow this year. That wasn’t the case during the 2009 holiday season: In one of the great wine controversies of the first decade of the twenty-first century,…
8 New Uses for Your Dreidel
I had a little dreidel, I made it out of clay, but then I had nothing to do with it except play this fairly boring game. Breaking out the dreidel on Hanukkah is as much a part of the holiday as frying up the latkes, but that doesn’t mean it…
Grammy Sham: Americana Artist Gets Nominated Through the Web
As if the Grammys didn’t have enough credibility issues, NARAS, the organization that controls the process, has left a loophole large enough for a complete unknown to manipulate her way onto the final ballot in the Americana category. The news broke two days ago in Variety that virtual unknown Linda…
“100 Creatives” Artist Turns Down America’s Got Talent
If The Bad Unicorn is indeed about bizarro moments, then its creator, Y.E. Torres, may have just been a part of the perfect experience. On Tuesday, a scout for America’s Got Talent reached Torres on her cell phone and told her that the show was interested in giving her a…
Ingredient of the Week: Beets
What is it? The most common variety is the garden beet: deep red in color and bulbous in shape. It was first discovered in the Mediterranean some millennia ago. Beets are high in phytonutrients called betalains, which are antioxidant and anti-inflammatory in nature, and their nitrites can enhance athletic performance…
Comment of the Day: Why God Hates Tim Tebow
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
Pop Rocks: Matt Damon Should Totally Make That Porno He Talked About.
Matt Damon has always seemed like a pretty personable guy. He comes across as pretty smart, isn’t known for being a cad (poor Minnie Driver notwithstanding) or acting like a jackass in public, and generally seems like one of the few celebrities we might actually invite into our home. Unless…
Pop Rocks: For No Reason, Here Are Some Porn Versions of Matt Damon Movies
Matt Damon has always seemed like a pretty personable guy. He comes across as pretty smart, isn’t known for being a cad (poor Minnie Driver notwithstanding) or acting like a jackass in public, and generally seems like one of the few celebrities we might actually invite into our home. Unless…
10 Bob Cratchits, Ranked from Worst to First
Every fan of A Christmas Carol has their favorite Scrooges — whether it’s George C. Scott, Patrick Stewart or Mr. Magoo. But the role of Bob Cratchit is also crucial, and a slew of big names have taken their shot at it, with mixed results. It can be a tough…
Kerry Beyer: From Horror Flicks to Acoustic Hits
We got to know Kerry Beyer, the acclaimed horror film director of Spirit Camp and co-founder of the Splatterfest Horror Festival went we were sent deep into the bowels of geekdom earlier this year when we were sent to cover the three days of Comicpalooza. His work in the realm…
10 Actors Who Tackled Bob Cratchit, Both Good and Bad
Art Attack believes that when film fans review the pantheon of A Christmas Carol movies, it’s not enough to just judge them by their favorite Scrooges — whether it’s George C. Scott, Patrick Stewart or Mr. Magoo. The role of Bob Cratchit is also crucial, and a slew of big…
Tim Love and Tequila Take Over Top Chef: Texas
Seven episodes in, and I’m sorry to report that none of the challenges thus far have involved the contestants being forced to shoot their own horses and grill them over a fire of cactus paddles. What is this, Bravo? Amateur hour? THAT’S RATINGS GOLD. On a more positive note, the…
Alex Sanchez: Read the NSFW Sexts He Sent to 15-Year-Old He Met at Funeral
Who says you can’t learn life lessons from Wedding Crashers? Besides, we mean, the fun of motorboating? Picking up women at funerals was the lesson Alex Sanchez took from the movie, but unfortunately for the 23-year-old, he decided to try his luck with a 15-year-old girl. He got her digits…
Only at the Alamo: Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang
Don’t feel bad if you’ve never seen Robert Downey Jr.’s Christmas film Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang — only the most ardent fans have. The 2005 caper flick features Downey Jr. as Harry Lockhart, a slightly slimy petty thief. On one of his five-finger jaunts, Harry stumbles into an audition for…
Authors Talk: Van Gogh: The Life
You can trust authors Steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith to know about artists; the pair won the Pulitzer Prize for their 1991 biography Jackson Pollock: An American Saga. So when they take the stage today to discuss their latest book in Authors Talk: Van Gogh: The Life, you know…
Santa’s Cool Holiday Film Festival
Go retro this Christmas at the Santa’s Cool Holiday Film Festival screening this weekend at the River Oaks Theatre. First up are several cartoons, including two from the Fleischer Brothers, the 1936 Christmas Comes But Once a Year and the 1948 Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Other cartoons include a…
Vault Open House
You’ll spend lots of your time looking up at the Vault Open House. Headed by choreographer Amy Ell, Vault is something of an endeavor and an experiment, mixing contemporary and aerial dance techniques. The result, which will be demonstrated during the open house, is more than just a souped-up Cirque…
“ARTifacts”
Here’s something that you might not know about street artist and curator GONZO247: He’s a pack rat. A co-founder of Aerosol Warfare, an artist collective and gallery, he’s kept artwork and memorabilia from each of the gallery’s shows. “All these years I’ve kept bits and pieces from every show we’ve…
The St. Joseph Medical Center’s ICE at Discovery Green
Feel the swoosh of the wind in your face as you ice-skate outdoors this holiday season at The St. Joseph Medical Center’s ICE at Discovery Green. The park’s Kinder Lake, usually the site of model boat sailing, is frozen and transformed into an outdoor rink throughout the winter. Many on-ice…
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
The Herdman kids have a well-earned reputation for being plain awful; the word “rambunctious” doesn’t do them justice. So when they show up at church looking for free cookies and stumble into rehearsals of the Christmas pageant instead, everyone is dismayed. How will the organizers wrangle the Herdmans into performing…
Festival of Lights
Gulf Coast families have flocked to Moody Gardens for the annual Festival of Lights for a decade now, with each year getting bigger — and brighter! There are more than a million lights spread over 100 animated holiday displays, each with its own sounds and music. Families wander the outdoor…
Buffalo Bayou Partnership’s Christmas Cruises
Let’s face it, Houston misses out on a lot of the traditional trappings of the Christmas season — no snow or frosty windows, for example. But that doesn’t mean we don’t know how to get in the spirit, and if a sleigh isn’t handy, then a boat should do nicely…
The Lion in Winter
Politics makes for great theater. (Just ask anyone who’s been watching the current presidential debates.) But the machinations of the Republican primary race have nothing on medieval Europe, where James Goldman’s 1966 Broadway hit play The Lion in Winter is set. This bit of historical fiction takes place during the…
“My Life as a Doll”
Watch what you say during your visit to the exhibit “My Life as a Doll.” Sculptor Tara Conley has been known to write down snippets of overheard conversation to use in her work. One phrase that made its way into “Doll” is “I only eat on Tuesday.” (It’s posted in…
Gainsbourg: Vie héroïque (Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life)
Be among the first to see Gainsbourg: Vie héroïque (Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life) during a weekend premiere at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston. Comic book artist Joann Sfar makes his directorial debut with the film, a thoughtful look at Serge Gainsbourg, equal parts singer, womanizer and French pop icon…
A Christmas Story
Nine-year-old Ralphie Parker is still on the hunt for his Red Ryder BB gun, despite his mother’s constant “You’ll shoot your eye out!” warnings. In the play A Christmas Story, presented here by Stage Right, Ralphie has much more than just his BB gun to worry about. At home, there’s…
The Little Town of Christmas
Christmas isn’t just a holiday — in The Little Town of Christmas, it’s a place, too. And it just happens to be one that’s filled with funny, funky little characters: There’s Mrs. Claus, who’s the power behind the throne in Santa’s workshop; Skeezix and Sylvester, an elf comedy team; and…
A Tuna Christmas
If you missed them back in 2010, Joe Sears and Jaston Williams, comedians and co-creators of the Greater Tuna series of sketch comedies, have returned to Galveston for a replay of their hilariously silly show A Tuna Christmas. In 2010 they changed up the original 1989 show, adding new costumes,…
Junie B. in Jingle Bells, Batman Smells
Barbara Park is most famous for her Children’s Choice Award-winning Junie B. series of books about a kooky kid who gets in trouble, speaks her mind and has a bit of a temper. A favorite for legions of fans, Junie B. comes to life for the holidays at Main Street…
Death Penalty Is Going Out of Style, New Report Says
America, you just ain’t the criminal-killin’ place you used to be. A new report from the Death Penalty Information Center says that for the first time since capital punishment was reinstated in 1976, less than 100 executions took place in the U.S. There have been 78 death sentences this year,…
Commercial Break
For the past decade, working in commercial radio has been similar to being an attorney or a banker when it comes to job respect from the public. Music snobs categorically rule out commercial radio as a vast corporate conspiracy controlled by evil people in pinstriped suits. These people are out…
Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers
“I’ve got soul, my mama says so,” sings Stephen Kellogg on the first track off Gift Horse, the newest album from Kellogg & The Sixers, and by the time the album closes, you won’t disagree with his mama one bit. Equal parts country-rock, Springsteen earnestness and Lucero’s own barroom grit,…
Morgan Page
Vermont native Morgan Page is riding the current electronic music resurgence to the mainstream with his brand of lush house featuring female vox and plenty of dance-floor wizardry. Having released three proper albums, a few self-released indie collections and countless remixes, as well as earning a reputation for a great…
7th Annual Punxmas Fest
We can’t speak for you, but every single store in Houston is purposely playing Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” and now the song is embedded deep in our brain like some kind of long-term terror cell. The only thing we can think of that might cure…
Blaggards
The Blaggards channel Shane MacGowan and his band, the Pogues, those snorty, surly-but-smart Irish troublemakers who, but for music, might be in prison. As the Houston answer to the Pogues (but with less alcohol intake involved), the Blaggards have been around here long enough that anyone who goes out is…
Super “MARKET”
In the past, the holiday season has meant “group show” season for commercial galleries as they tried to present a wide selection of work for holiday art buyers while trying not to do anything too crassly commercial. Arturo Palacios of Art Palace basically said, to hell with that disingenuous shit…
Dax Riggs
Somehow, Dax Riggs makes it possible to echo Roy Orbison, the Stooges, Julian Cope and Deep Purple at various turns in the same song. The Austin-area resident, a veteran of more metallic groups like Golgotha and the much-beloved Acid Bath, seems to get more popular as his solo career goes…
Capsule Art Reviews: “Ballast/Break,” “Book Report,” “International Discoveries III,” “New Formations: Czech Avant-Garde Art and Modern Glass from the Roy and Mary Cullen Collection,” “Toni LaSelle: Climate of the Heart: Paintings from the 1950’s”
“Ballast/Break” I’m not so jazzed about the 2D works in Alexis Granwell and Carrie Scanga’s “Ballast/Break” in Lawndale Art Center’s project space, but there is some pretty nice 3D stuff going on. There’s nothing wrong with Granwell’s large drypoint and monotype prints, images that look like architectural sketches for yurts…
Lyle Lovett
When it comes to Texans, Lyle Lovett shares a spot just below Willie Nelson for public favor. With every album he’s made, it’s always been obvious the wiry-haired Klein native who cut his musical teeth at Anderson Fair flies the Lone Star flag no matter how jazzy and sophisticated his…
Sichuan Bucket List
Step inside the kitchen at Mala to see its team of all-Sichuan chefs hard at work. At 10:55 a.m. on a Tuesday morning last week, I was sitting excitedly in my car, counting the minutes down like New Year’s Eve until Mala Sichuan Bistro opened at 11 a.m. As the…
Bowling for Chumps
By the time the 2009 football season rolled around, the University of Minnesota hadn’t won a Big 10 title in 42 years. The Gophers largely spent those decades serving as target practice for the league’s higher powers, yet they weren’t without occasional bursts of second-string glory. One arrived two years…
Alien Force
Since they first came to Earth in the early 1990s, the aliens known terrestrially as Man or Astro-Man? have spent long years attempting to integrate into human society. During their exile, the band’s sound has evolved from sci-fi-themed surf rock to experimental electronic, supported by legendary live gigs featuring Theremins,…
Capsule Stage Reviews: Anna Bella Eema, A Christmas Carol, Cinderella, Fruitcakes, Irving Berlin’s White Christmas, The Nutcracker
Anna Bella Eema The world of the surreal and the real is fashioned into bold theatrical relief by playwright Lisa D’Amour, composer Chris Sidorfsky, a trio of superlative actors and the backstage wizards of sound effects, lighting and creepy set design. Under the watchful, all-knowing eye of director Jason Nodler,…
Down the Hatch
In 1993, Johnson & Johnson owned schizophrenia. That multimillion segment of the antipsychotic market had long been an untapped income source, populated by old-school generics that came with their fair share of side effects. But now J&J, through its subsidiary Janssen Pharmaceuticals, blew the doors off the market with its…
Down the Hatch: The Rothman Report
In its quest to quantify the collusion between Janssen and the proponents of the Texas Medication Algorithm Project, the Texas Attorney General commissioned David Rothman, a professor of social medicine at Columbia University’s medical school, to produce an expert witness report. The resulting analysis, completed in October 2010, is an…
Holmes, Sherlock Holmes
Although supplying boys’ adventure thrills on the side, Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories are remarkable for how they make the process of empirical brainwork, and the resulting discoveries, breathlessly exciting. Each Holmes tale simultaneously unlocks a mystery while deepening the enigma of its hero in a miraculously sustained piece…
Body Horror
Steve McQueen’s first two films both star Michael Fassbender, feature virtually interchangeable titles and are nearly as grueling to watch as they must have been to make. But where Shame might be nearly as excruciating as 2008’s Hunger, it’s a lot less exalted. In Hunger, Fassbender’s imprisoned Irish revolutionary Bobby…
WWJD? Hit and Run
CRIME WWJD? Hit and Run Driver gives religion, not help By John Nova Lomax What would Jesus do if He hit a youth with His car, asked the kid if he was okay and got “no” for an answer? If you answered, “Toss him a book about Himself, peel out…
SPECIAL CONQUISTADOR EDITION
Dear Mexican, This is the second rant I’ve felt I had to send to you. I don’t know if readers are allowed “seconds” but here it goes: Much has been said about the terrible things happening to the United States and its citizens by the Mexican drug cartels. But what’s…
