Hanging Tough
Once upon a time, there was an empire ruled by five young, naive, attractive jesters. They traveled the world, entertaining millions of boy-crazy young girls. These jolly youngsters were known as New Kids on the Block, and their ringleader was a Boston-based music kingpin named Maurice Starr. In the early…
Drain You
Listen up, rockists, mythologists, screenwriters and future biographers: With the Lights Out, the four-disc boxed set that Nirvana fans have been waiting for since April 8, 1994, does not definitively prove that Nirvana was touched by greatness from the flannel-shirted get-go. But that’s what scrap-heap retrospectives are supposed to do,…
Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum
Here we go again. It’s the holidays, time for children to beg, spouses to nag, commercials to advertise stuff you can’t afford, relatives you can’t identify to show up at your house… It’s time for mall madness and parking-lot squabbles and for you to make an ass of yourself at…
Rotation
Elektra Con Todo Respeto Universal Latino Want Two Geffen
Local Rotation
Southern Backtones Southern Backtones Self-released Since forming in 1997, the Southern Backtones have been steadily evolving as a band. Their second album (2002’s The Formula) shied away from the surf-rockabilly sound that defined the first record, and that break alienated some fans but gained others, along with some national exposure…
Bombs Away
Take one look at how the Texas sun bounces off this guy’s reflective orange vest, and you can tell he gives two shits about the artistic value of what he’s removing. He looks to be about 50 years old, but he could be younger. The sun and countless cigarettes –…
Playbill
U.S. Maple, with Freedom Sold and Bring Back the Guns I have a recurring fantasy wherein U.S. Maple appears on American Idol: the look of repulsion on that smug Brit’s face as he witnesses Al Johnson’s lurching gait, his dainty ears subjected to that adenoidal, rasping, incomprehensible wheeze…mmm, I can…
Worker Benefits?
On an evening in late October, the elegantly clad couples began arriving at the George R. Brown Convention Center. But the woman waiting to greet them wasn’t attired in formal wear, and she definitely didn’t have an escort. Elease Love, a former forklift operator, had never felt more alone. She…
Bar Etiquette 101
Hey there, guy. Unless you’re looking for a lost dog, you might want to stop whistling. Don’t snap your fingers, either. And could you please not yell or pound your glass on the bar? Panicked pleas to your bartender for quick and exacting service will get you neither. In fact,…
Letters
Taking a Toll Bypass the Heights: I am a longtime Houston Heights resident who is opposed to a toll road through the Houston Heights area, and I hope you are as well [“For Whom the Hell Tolls,” by Josh Harkinson, November 25]. I live in the Houston Heights because I…
Faker’s Dozen
If you’ve already decided to see Ocean’s Twelve, it’s probably best not to read much about it. Unlike its predecessor, a remake that clung to a hoary heist formula, the sequel contains ample pleasures, most of which amuse as the result of surprises both great and small. There’s no one…
Letter Rip
Admit it, you know you’re a pathetic loser. In the back of a drawer somewhere — maybe in your old room at your parents’ house — you’ve stashed a dozen or so of those handwritten, folded-up notes with the little tucked-in tab that reads, “Pull!” Some are from the girl…
Dorkula
Directed by . With . Rated R.
This Week’s Day-by-Day Picks
Thursday, December 9 Want to get people jealous? Go with green. Make ’em pensive? Break out the blue. But to really get folks horny, roll with red. That tint has other properties, too: Psychologists and greedy corporations have long known that the color red inspires action and is even said…
Boy Voyage
It makes perfect sense for Houston Grand Opera to revive its 2003 world premiere, The Little Prince, for the holiday season. After all, the holidays are all about the little ones, and there’s plenty in the Rachel Portman/Nicholas Wright opera for them to enjoy. Kids love seeing other kids on…
The Prince of Plis
If ballet were baseball, Marcelo Gomes would be A-Rod — minus the squabbles and ball-slapping. At 25, he’s already a principal dancer with the world-renowned American Ballet Theatre (the Yankees of the ballet world). Dance companies around the world have cast him as a lead in every ballet from Giselle…
Capsule Reviews
Baal The folks at Infernal Bridegroom Productions warn you at the very beginning: Bertolt Brecht’s Baal is three hours long. What they fail to mention, however, is just how hard those 180 minutes will be as you hunch down through the troupe’s valiant attempt to bring to life this difficult…
Downtown Cubs
Not satisfied with his 500,000-gallon Downtown Aquarium Adventure, entrepreneur Tilman Fertitta recently introduced four white tigers to their new 002 address. For your entertainment, the “White Tigers of the Maharaja’s Temple” exhibit is joining the Aquarium’s Ferris wheel, carousel and train. It features females Marina and Coral and two males,…
Shoving It
SAT 12/11 You know, if we all got together once a week, beat the crap out of each other, and then went and had some beers to make up, this world might be a much better — albeit toothless — place. The Houston Area Rugby Club will demonstrate their particular…
Capsule Reviews
“Hyper’real’ism: Fellowship Series VI” Bill Davenport has been making a lot of quirky trompe l’oeil paintings of late, but with Dark Door, he’s taken fake to the next level of absurdity. Davenport has made a phenomenal and fantastically ridiculous sculpture. It’s a giant medieval-looking wooden door with big metal bolts…
Tie One On
SAT 12/11Christmas is a time for holiday well-wishing, gift exchanging, carol singing and eggnog sipping. But tonight at 2401 San Jacinto, it’s also a time for burlesque stripping, girl-on-girl posturing and leather wearing. Lusty ladies and gents are invited to show their stuff (and check out everyone else’s) at Dare…
The Last Ride
On the last day of his life, Anthony Helzer woke up earlier than usual. The 20-year-old got up at seven, showered, dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. His father, Doug, was already in the kitchen. His stepmother was at work. Helzer reached for a healthy breakfast, as usual. Granola cereal,…
Sampling Sonatas
WED 12/15 OrchestraX has used go-go girls, actors and funky light shows to give their classical music concerts a shot in the ass. Now its time for (gasp!) turntables. The Houston chamber orchestra will team up with MystiQuintet, a Boston electronica group that includes two violinists, a cellist and two…
Hot Plate
Show of hands, please: Who’s ordered a salad because the menu said it came with “goat cheese,” only to poke through a hedge of green searching for a nickel-sized medallion of the stuff? Ever felt that your salad should instead be called “goat cheese hide-and-seek salad”? Or maybe “the goat…
Merritt Badge
“The nocturnes of dead musicians lull the cities sunk in endless slumber.” — Andre Breton, The Magnetic Fields, 1919 “The stars are still out there but they’re all out of light.” — the Magnetic Fields, “Infinitely Late at Night,” 2004 Aligning yourself with a bunch of deceased, self-absorbed smart-alecks is…
The Next Chef Boyardee
The nine-inch spinach-and-mushroom pizza at Wolfgang Puck Express comes on a thin, crisp crust. Along with the mushroom slices, there’s mozzarella, Gorgonzola and Parmesan cheese, a pesto sauce, a few tomato slices and fresh basil. Fresh spinach is sprinkled over the top of the pie like one of the herbs…