Oh, stop side-eyeing us, you guys. Everyone needs this list, don't they? You may not need it now, but trust us. One day you'll be glad you printed it out and hid it under the mattress for safe-keeping.
We're not going to say much more on this one. We all know the purpose of this list, and yes, you're welcome for it. Here are the top 10 XXX places to party in Houston.
Just make sure to park around back, will ya? We don't need to know more about you than we already do.
10. Adult Mega Plexx Adult novelties? Check. Adult videos? Couples theater? Check, check, and check. Whether you're searching out some random bit of fetish gear or hypoallergenic lube, you can find what you're looking for at Adult Mega Plexx. They even have an entire section devoted to vintage girlie magazines, where you can ogle to your heart's content. Where you'll really want to keep your drool in check, though, is in the couples theater. Shopping can wait till you're on your way out the door, right?
We're not saying you have to go check out the cinematic listings, of course, but it is pretty much the pièce de résistance when it comes to Mega Plexx. So go on, hop up on that Adult Mega Plexx saddle and get to gettin'. They can give you the tools, but the rest is up to you, cowboy.
5909 Richmond, 713-780-1827
9. B J's Adult Video This Gulfgate-area bookstore rates highly among folks in the know, and perhaps that's because they've got a pretty awesome thing going on over there. We don't know quite what it is about this place, but something keeps folks flocking to B J's couple's theater, time and time again. We're guessing it's the quality entertainment on that shimmery silver screen.
6314 Gulf Fwy
8. Bizarre Times Costumes and dancewear and smoking accessories, oh my! Oh, and also a pretty sweet place to take in the newest video releases, thanks to their upgraded couple's theater, which now has state of the art sound equipment, no less. Not to mention that you can do so any time of the day, and even on holidays, since they're open 24/7. For real, though.
8261 Richmond, 713-532-9990
7. Wish's Club Wish's is a lifestyle club for couples, but it isn't on-premise or anything, so you can feel extra-inconspicuous hangin' out there. Even with the lack of venue play, it's still a great "adult" place to party; you'll just have to uh, take it outside and you know, home, unlike some of the other party spots on this list. There's lots of alcohol, though, so perhaps you'll be a bit braver with your post-Wish conquests.
14918 Northwest Fwy, 713-937-1055
6. Smoochee's So, this Heights-area bookstore is gold-standard when it comes to adult stores, and for good reason. They've got the latest in high-tech gadgets downstairs, and a steady stream of people heading upstairs to the couples theater, which is always packed to the gills with folks who are checking out the entertainment. That's right — Smoochee's is a two-story bookstore, and we are in awe of them for that reason alone. But the other stuff sure does add to the appeal.
5. Club Taboo So, Club Taboo is, well, we'll let them explain.
"We cater to couples, single females and select single males that are 21 and up. Club Taboo TX offers their members an erotic atmosphere where they can feel comfortable exploring anything TABOO with like-minded individuals."
Basically, this place is everything you need in terms of some XXX partying. It's a members-only lifestyle club, with a sweet dance floor and a BYOB policy, and it's got themed rooms — the dungeon voyeur room and the principal's office, for starters — on top of all that. If it's that kind of fun you're lookin' for, Taboo is your kind of place.
7007 Belgold, 281-849-1215
4. Cyndi's on Telephone Listen, we just kind of hear things sometimes, and we've heard quite a bit about Cyndi's. Oh, and we're sure you probably know a bit about Cyndie's, too. After all, the bright yellow letters that identify Cyndi's say it all: "Sexy Lingerie & More." The "& More" is what Cyndi's is all about.
5205 Telephone, 713-643-0300
3. Executive Adult Bookstore & Theatre The "theatre" part of that moniker is the key word in this XXX-party equation, which seems to be a bit of a running theme on this list. When it comes to watching your fantasies play out, perhaps you a nice change of pace from the glow of the computer screen is in order. Well, Executive Adult Bookstore is just the place to help a brother (or a sister, of course) out with that in their couple's theater. They even give discounts, so make sure to pack up your AARP card, or your community college ID, cause if you've got it, they're given you a break on your entrance fee.
Oh, and another thing? They've also got shelves stocked with motorized, slightly-intimidating adult novelties and collections of DVD's, so whatever your party-favor of choice, there's a good chance Executive Bookstore has it.
14002 Northwest Fwy, 713-462-5100
2. Discount 24 Hour Video This little westside bookstore was our top pick for adult bookstores in 2013, and there's a good reason for that. Discount 24 Hour Video is kinda rad, with its "community" of patrons all hanging out, watching a bit of good, old-fashioned erotica in a nice atmosphere. Sometimes you just feel like road-tripping it to watch some films, we guess, and if that's the case, perhaps Discount Video should be your destination. As a bonus, you can pick up whatever gadgets and gizmos you'd like to take home with you on your way out. It's a little piece of porn heaven, this place.
730 Hwy 6, 281-679-1797
1. The Mystery Zone So, The Mystery Zone is more of a "lifestyle" club than anything, if you catch our drift, but there are plenty of single folks who hang out with the couples in this BYOB establishment, and we find that kind of awesome for your naughty partying. It's a members-only establishment, but you can buy a temporary weekend pass if you're just wanting to check out the establishment first-hand, so no worries there. The passes are a bit pricy, but this club features a ton of extras, which makes it worth the pennies.
And those extras, you ask? Well, there are stripper poles, cages, and shadow-boxes to dance in (or on, we suppose), and there's even a boutique, where you can purchase, well, items for whatever it is you're doing at Mystery Zone. Again, we don't want to know, but even if we do, we sure won't tell.
2504 FM 1960 E, 281-821-9663