It's that time. For months and months, various media outfits have been taking wild stabs at Oscar predictions and to which lucky-ducks will be taking home the coveted golden statuette. Every year it seems that the whole country is "over the Oscars" before they even start, but we all still tune in for the three-plus-hour broadcast. We can't lie and say we won't watch, but we will be switching between the award show and World's Toughest Prisons, airing on the National Geographic Channel (you're welcome).
The thing about the Oscars is that they don't necessarily reflect the best out there, just the films that sell themselves to the Academy best. "For your consideration" marketing campaigns have been known to cost almost as much as the movie itself.
But let us not dump on Hollywood's big night. When else are celebrities given the opportunity to get all decked out in absurdly expensive clothing, borrow millions of dollars worth of jewels and subject themselves to Joan Rivers's mocking? Well...just about every night, we suppose.
For your consideration, Art Attack's Oscar Predictions.
Best FilmWho Will Win:Moneyball
. Like this movie or not, it is the Academy's dream. It's a feel-good movie, about an underdog, featuring America's favorite pastime and it stars Brad Pitt! Adding to that, it is unchallenging, populist-friendly and it stars Brad Pitt!
Who Should Win: Midnight in Paris. Maybe we are just suckers for Paris in the 1920s, but this was a lovely little film that made us want to go back in time and box Ernest Hemingway, in the best way possible.
Why?: Why was War Horse even nominated? We will remind you of Pete Vonder Haar's brilliant review of this terrible movie.
Best Actor Who Will Win: Brad Pitt (Moneyball) It's Pitt again for the win! The dude's been nominated for three Academy Awards and he's 50. It's his turn. Who Should Win: Jean Dujardin (The Artist). Dujardin acted the pants off of this movie without having to say a word.Can we give this guy an award already?Who Should Have Been Nominated:
Jason Statham (The Mechanic
) Jason Statham needs an award for being a serious actor turn action, box-office sensation that obviously doesn't take himself too seriously.
Best Actress Who Will Win: Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs). Woman dressed as either ugly woman or man? Check. British drama? Double check. Somewhat controversial topic that will make Academy look open-minded? Triple check! Close will take it home.Who Should Win:
Michelle Williams (My Week With Marylin
) Williams should win just because we really love her and she should have won forBlue Valentine
Stop Being Nominated: Meryl Streep (Iron Lady) Give someone else a shot already, will ya', Streep.
Best Supporting Actor Who Will Win: Nick Nolte (Warrior) Our money's on Nolte because the Academy loves a good comeback and where the hell has Nick Nolte been? His name doesn't even come up in Google's text predication.Who Should Win:
Christopher Plummer (Beginners
) We put our chips on Nolte, but we secretly hope that Plummer takes home the trophy. As an elderly father with cancer who has just come out of the closet, Plummer deserves all the accolades he's been getting.
Seriously?: Didn't America collectively decide that Andy Serkis from Rise of the Planet of the Apes should be, at the very least, nominated. Best Supporting Actress Who Will Win: Octavia Spencer (The Help) There are two out of five actresses from The Help nominated in this category. That's a 40 percent chance that one of them will win. Out of that, we have a 50/50 shot that it will be Spencer. We like those odds. Who Should Win: Octavia Spencer. She was actually very good in this very messy film.
But We Kinda Hope: We are sure that if Berenice Bejo from The Artist won she would get up and say something really adorable in French.
Cinematography Who Will Win: Janusz Kaminski (War Horse) Despite being totally grandiloquent, pointless and tiresome, this movie was very pretty to watch and that is more than enough for the Academy, who will feel bad about snubbing Spielberg in all other categories.
Who Should Win: Emmanuel Lubezki (Tree of Life) Firstly, this movie is stunning and secondly, most of the gorgeous scenery was shot right here in the Lone Star state.Super 8 only made the shortlistMight Have Been Cool:
We are not surprised that there was no Academy love for the sci-fi/fantasy childhood-rompSuper 8
, but if they were debating it, this would have been the category for it to be nominated in.
Animated Feature Film Who Will Win: Rango? We are not sure, but it definitely won't be Kung Fu Panda 2 or Puss and Boots and we never saw the other ones.
Who Should Win: The re-release of Beauty and the Beast, which is still one of the greatest cartoons ever made.Russel Brand is like a cartoon version of himself.Where Are All the Cartoons?:
You might not think that very few animated films came out this past year based on the Academy's choices; not true. In 2011 theaters sawRio
,Gnomeo and Juliet
,Mars Needs Moms
(was just cartoon-ish), apparently none of which the Academy felt were better thanKung Fu Panda 2. DirectorWho Will Win:
Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist
) If we are correct andMoneyball
takes the Best Picture category, we can see Hazanavicus taking this award. The Academy usually likes to make up for its mistakes by giving the Best Director award to the director of the movie that should have won.Who Should Win:
Terrence Malick (Tree of Life
) No one in the Academy understoodTree of Life
and none of them want to admit it. By not giving Malick the Oscar, society can stop talking about this movie and everyone can stop pretending they had any freakin' clue what it was about.Woody is back!
We Sort of Wish: Can't they just give Woody Allen an award for making good movies again?