Since its first release in the summer of 1977, Star Wars and the rest of the films in the series' canon have been fetishized by mega-fans. They have devoted much of their lives to collecting anything they can get their hands on related to the movies, and spend much of their waking hours talking about the adventures of Luke, Han, Princess Leia and the menacing Darth Vader.
Some have gone beyond mere fandom and prefer to get their rocks off with naughty items catering to the seamier nerds in the general population. Of course, Leia in that slave-girl bikini in Return of the Jedi was the original mother lode for horny fans. A generation of young men still point to her appearance in that skimpy suit as one of the key moments of their sexual awakenings. Rachel wearing one on Friends for Ross wasn't awful, either.
Friday is May 4, the official unofficial Star Wars Day. Har-har, "May the fourth be with you..."
A More Civilized Weapon...
No, this isn't real. Well, by "real" I mean it's not like it's officially sanctioned by LucasFilm or anything. Though if George Lucas and his money ever wanted to get into the sex toy business, he would make a killing. This light-saber dildo seems absurdly easy to make; heck, you can probably fashion it over a weekend afternoon. Yes, of course you could make a Darth Maul-style double-bladed dildo.
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Fashioning an elegant dildo for a more civilized age is one thing, but making a porn parody is another, and has the possibility to involve lawyers. Somehow, though, the makers skirted LucasFilm -- or LucasFilm enjoyed and isn't saying anything -- and used the names of the characters and almost identical set design and dialog.
Leia's Gold Bikini
Yes, it's cool because it's a gold bikini and it's Carrie Fisher and Carrie Fisher was a hottie. But I just never got the appeal. Maybe growing up on a daily diet of Skinemax and Baywatch ruined me. Help me, Kate Upton, you are my only hope.
The Hand Solo
"With Hand Solo, you're guaranteed to shoot first!" proclaims the item description, but it just leaves me wondering what's wrong with using your hand. Not to mention why you would want to "shoot first." Also, this toy looks painful. "No need to tell it you love it, though -- it already knows," the description states.
Star Wars Burlesque
I can sexualize most any of the characters in the Star Wars universe -- it's a curse -- except C-3PO and R2-D2 since one is whiny and fussy, and the other is a garbage can on wheels. This Australian burlesque revue is only touring the down under for now, but with enough buzz it could come here. For now I will just have to settle by forcing my girlfriend to dress up like Grand Moff Tarkin.
Before you freak out, this is Yaddle, a female version of Yoda. Not that screwing a green Fleshlight that you wedged in between the mattress and the box spring at your house and pretending it's Yoda is wrong. Not at all. Making Yoda a female makes it all right.