Valentine's Day is right around the corner and for some this means chocolate and dying roses bought from the Kroger parking lot and matching bra and undies bought from Victoria's Secret in the hopes of getting some action. To others the big V Day means depression, loneliness, despair and over-eating. But it doesn't have to be!
This year, let's collectively decide that being alone on Valentine's Day is not a bad thing, and it does not make you a loser but rather it makes you better than those who are stuck paying extraordinarily high prices on pre-fixe dinners, telling themselves that eating an entire box of chocolates is OK "because it's a holiday," and being disappointed when one or both you and your partner fall asleep because you ate and drank too much and no sex happened again!
This year let's use Valentine's Day to get happy! But how, you ask? Easy.
Pretend This Is Any Other Day So what that hearts and Hershey's kisses are getting slammed down your throat at every corner you turn, you can easily ignore this holiday. Why are all the weird old ladies at your job wearing red today? It's probably some sort of cancer support or UH Cougar thing. Why did someone leave a pink frosted cupcake on your desk? Surely stranger things have happened at your job, like that time someone stole a container of peanut butter from your desk drawer. The point is, you can easily come up with reasons why people may be acting weird; people are fucking weird. This has nothing to do with any silly holiday.
Make Yourself Laugh
They say laughter is the best medicine, and they weren't just talking about for a cold or lupus. Laughter is also good at curing depression and self-pity. How do you get your giggle-on when you feel like poop? Turn on Netflix and streamThe Jerk
with Steve Martin. When was the last time you saw that movie? Do you remember how incredibly hilarious it is? Did you remember that he names his dog Shithead, and he sings a song in the bathtub about a Thermos? I bet you have forgotten. It will get you laughing (if you have weed this could make it even funnier).
Get Your Groove On
You may be tempted on your lonely Valentine's Day to lay on the floor crying and singing along toLast Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me
on repeat. "Don't," I say; this is a bad idea.
Before you make that "My Life Is A Bottomless Pitt of Despair" Spotify playlist, decide that you are going to listen to nothing but music that makes you happy. Need some suggestions? Go download Arthur Conley's Sweet Soul Music and play it back-to-back with Stevie Wonder's Sir Duke and get up and shake your groove thing. There is no depression out there that these two songs can't cure. They are two awesome songs about other awesome songs. I challenge you to listen to them and not be happy about life.
Treat Yo Self
Go to the Galleria and buy something ridiculous that is not going to make you feel bad the following day. You have totally wanted a pair of shoes for months. Just buy them. You deserve them and not because it's a stupid Hallmark holiday and you are alone but because you have a job that you work hard at and are a good person who is worthy of a new pair of Toms.Go To the Gym
There are two reasons to go to the gym on Valentine's Day night. One reason to hit the treadmill is that exercise gets your endorphins going, and there are a million articles inGlamour
magazine that say endorphins make you happy or something. Secondly, if you go to the gym and see other people of the opposite sex at the gym also with nothing else to do on Valentine's Day night, you can be pretty sure that they too are alone. Go over and stretch on another single person's general direction and who knows where it may go. It could go all the way to the smoothie counter.
Please note, if you are a woman do not go to some stupid Valentine's Day piloxing class, you will not find single dudes at this. If you are a single guy, however, a piloxing class might be perfect for you.
Of course there is that temptation to crack open a bottle of Little Penguin all on your own and drink it to your hearts content, but I urge you not to. Being drunk alone, no matter how happy you are when you pour your first glass will only end in disaster. Do you really want to wake up to all those Facebook posts on your wall about how much you love your cat and the new single by Taylor Swift. No. And we all know what happens when drunk/sad is combined with email and text messaging, a morning of regret and shame. Your ex-boyfriend doesn't care about you anymore. It's cool; he was a dick.
Don't Hang Out With Other Single FriendsThis is so embarrassing.
I know this seems like bad advice; why wouldn't you hang with your single ladies? Misery loves company. Misery also loves cupcakes, Chinese food, several martinis, Frito Pies, Shoedazzle.com, Pop Tarts, Southwest credit cards, 3-lb bags of gummy bears, anything you can purchase via Pay Pal, wine of the month clubs, digging up the number of that guy that once offered to sell you Vicodin at a party three years ago, and of course, misery loves stalking ex-boyfriends' new girlfriends' LinkedIn profiles(how does she have so many endorsements?).