Welcome back to Five Spot. Every week, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Apparently, God hates us: Blink 182 possibly plotting comeback. There were a few other things we considered for this week's Five Spot: Depeche Mode are getting open-lipped about their new album, alluding that it may be similar to Violator (Brilliant); Ryan Adams tossing insults towards the Killers and R.E.M. because he totally deserves to do so (Dumb-Assed); a rapper was sentenced to prison after confessing he shot someone in his lyrics (Super Brilliant).
But we just couldn't get past the deposed kings of bubblegum punk once again subjecting us to their wily, wily ways. ("Let's have a song called 'All The Small Things' and then have midgets somehow involved!") There are about 4,000 things we'd rather do than see this happen. We would rather...
1. Be this Houston pimp. We love how often the narrator makes mention of the fact that the woman in the video is a prostitute. And how can you possibly go back to being a hardassed pimp after this happens. A career change is probably in line.
2. Be this skateboarder. "Aw fuck!" is really the only appropriate thing for a skateboarder to say when this type of event presents itself. We think it's a rule.
3. Babysit Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson's baby. That poor kid doesn't stand a chance. (We couldn't find a video of the birth, unfortunately, so here is Fall Out Boy's "Thnks fr th Mmrs," which is no doubt equally upsetting.)
4. Be the dipstick who parked this cart behind the endzone at the U of H game. Just skip on up to the 1:17 mark. You'll probably want to close one of your eyes.
5. Miss whatever movie these guys are trying out for. Our favorites? The guy who tries the spinning-kick thing and misses the dummy completely and the guy with the apple. "You're gonna like this," he says. Fuckin'-A we did, bro. Fuckin' A. - Shea Serrano