Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
HELP ME CHOOSE BETWEEN MY BOYFRIEND AND THE GUY I'M HAVING SEX WITH
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 40-year old professional caught up between two lovers. One I've been dating since 2011, and the other I've been "messing around with" for about 9 months. The first relationship is not as solid as it should be because he is gone a lot on the road, and we haven't had a chance to really connect. The second guy is somebody I've known since I was a kid.
We reconnected and began to spend a lot of time with one another, and we eventually had sex, not just regular sex, but passionate erotic sex that is mind blowing. I care about the first guy because he is so nice and stable. The second guy recently divorced and lost a lot of money, and also he has a felony for a codeine possession and he is rebuilding his life financially.
My dilemma is that I'm torn between what I want and what is best for me. The second guy knows about the first guy because when we first talked I told him that I was dating, and the relationship is not solid. I confessed to the first guy about the second guy. I like the stability of the first guy but I'm not in love with him. I like the time I spend and the sex I have with the second guy but he has a lot of baggage that is stressful. I care for both men, and I don't know what to do. Please help!
Choosing between the one you need and the one you want can be difficult and easier said than done. Usually I would suggest that if you love two people simultaneously; dump the first one and go with the second one because if you loved the first one there wouldn't be a second one.
But, I don't think you'll be happy with either of them. One stresses you out and is financially unstable, while the other you no longer love. It may be time for you to consider stepping away from relationships for a few months to reconnect with yourself. The time off will repair your heart, and allow you to focus on what you want and need in a singular relationship.
Before you can begin a healthy relationship, you must first end any unhealthy ones.
MY GIRLFRIEND WON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME
Dear Willie D:
I have been dating my girlfriend for six years, and we are both in love. We have not had any issues and have been very happy. She works in the airlines industry and is constantly traveling. In the past six to 12 months, she has not wanted to have sex or even engage in foreplay. I don't want to think she is cheating while she is away for work.
Still I am close to popping the question although I am beginning to second-guess our status. I know that both partners in a relationship get comfortable as the relationship blossoms, but we are both 30 years old, and I find it hard to believe that feeling has left. Do women simply just give up on the urge for sex? Thank you for your advice and time to help another guy out.
Six to 12 months is a long time to go without having sex with your significant other; especially when you're in your sexual prime as you are. You said you don't have any issues, but I disagree. Lack of sexual interest in a relationship often indicates deeper issues such as depression, stress, health problems or cheating. Rather than speculating, talk to your girlfriend and address your concerns.
As a relationship ages, the libido for each partner usually suffers to some extent because couples tend to get too comfortable and start taking each other for granted. If you want to get your girlfriend back interested in you sexually, first she needs to be interested in you romantically. Take her out; buy her something nice; compliment her; support her goals; be a good listener; and make her feel special.
Then when you finally make love to her again, put some icing on that cake and blow out the candle.
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I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE
Dear Willie D:
All of my friends have passed me up professionally. My personal life is inadequate. I'm 35 years old, stuck on a dead-end job, divorced and a father of two kids that I only get to see on holidays and in the summer months because they live 1,100 miles away, and I can't afford to see them at will.
It seems as though the harder I work the harder life gets. I feel defeated. What can I do to reverse my misfortune?
If relocating is feasible you could move closer to your children; preferably in the same city. That would solve the high cost of travel. More immediately, you should consider changing professions and pursue a career doing something you love. If it requires you to go back to school, go back to school. Dive into your passion and the money will follow.
I'M GETTING MARRIED: SHOULD I GET A PRENUP?
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 26-year-old female from the South who was taught to go into a relationship with your heart, not your wallet. I'm getting married in a few months, and everybody keeps telling me to sign a prenuptial agreement with my fiancé. My mother and father are up in age, and they own a travel agency, which I will inherit in the event of their demise.
I know people get divorced a lot these days, but I think if you go into the relationship for the right reasons there shouldn't be any problems that two people who love each other can't work out. If you can't trust the person you're married to what's the point in getting married?
Good point. If you can't trust the person you're married to, who can you trust? Research shows that spouses who are generous and don't hold back financially or emotionally tend to stay married far longer than those who do. However, with so many people getting divorced these days, prenups are a sound solution to avoid fighting over money and property in case things don't go right.
I don't believe that just because you share your body with someone you should give them half of your wealth when they bounce. Each person should be entitled to only what they contributed financially to the marriage. With that said, in the end it's your life and you should do what makes you sleep good at night. Prenup or not; if it's real, love is all the protection you'll need.
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