We like you guys. We like seeing you out at shows, and we like writing for you, even when we don't agree on the semantics of one blog or another. We're tight like that. You can hate on our lists, and we'll still think you're pretty cool.
But you know what's not cool? Ugly band tattoos, which seem to be an epidemic as of late. But don't worry. Because we like you, we're here to help keep you from making poor tattoo decisions. You know, like that misshapen Black Flag tattoo you're sporting on your forearm. Those are never a good idea. Neither was that blink-182 tattoo.
As a sort of PSA, we've compiled some more album art that will make for bad tattoos, so please pay attention. We don't want to have to hear you lamenting that unfortunate Death Grips tattoo next time we run into you.
10. Throwin' Down, Rick James Rick James' song "Mary Jane" may be the greatest ode to reefer ever recorded, but that doesn't mean it gives you a pass to tattoo a Rick James album, or anything remotely inspired by one, on your body.
We'll even let you still get away with the phrase "I'm Rick James, bitch!", but you still may not tattoo this Conan-meets-Dominatrix mess on anything or anyone. We don't think you could ever recapture the glorious nature of those braids, no matter how good the tattoo artist.
9. Brown Reason To Live, Butthole Surfers Everyone likes the Butthole Surfers, right? We do too, even if some of their stuff is borderline garbage. "Pepper" was pretty sweet, and these dudes are from Texas, so we can't rag on 'em too hard. But this album art is not one of their redeeming qualities.
And even if you're their biggest fan, you shouldn't use this album cover as inspiration for your next tattoo, no matter how much you like their weird-ass music. You'll look like you have a line of Dale Gribble exposing his junk tattooed on your thigh, and the only way that's acceptable is if you also tattoo John Redcorn on the other thigh.
8. Waking and Dreaming, Orleans As glorious as this Orleans album cover is, with all the nekkid-ass nekkid men and the monochromatic hair color happening, we still think this -- or anything like it -- is not the way. I mean, if you want a tattoo of a bunch of hairy, shirtless dudes, there are way better options. Like perhaps just not doing that at all, ever.
Also, we all understand the importance of a little wax and trim these days, right? No Shave November does not excuse anyone from a little bit of manscaping now and then. Even on your tattoos.
List continues on the next page.
7. Born Again, Black Sabbath It's okay to like Black Sabbath, and it's also okay to like this album. Hell, some of us at Rocks Off like Black Sabbath more than we ever should, but we still won't tattoo this ugly devil-alien-baby thing on ourselves, because it's dumb looking and the purple negates any hardcore factor it might exude.
You can pay homage to plenty of Black Sabbath albums on your skin. This is not one. This is a sissy-baby looking album, and we cannot cosign on this as a tattoo, now or ever. Not in a box, not with a fox. Not here, not there, not anywhere -- but especially on your skin.
6. Live It Up, Crosby, Stills, and Nash It trips our brains out a little bit that this uber-phallic album cover, full of men on the surface of some random planet climbing some sort of hot dog or sausage skewered on a stick. The '90s were a strange, strange time, folks.
We can applaud the creative effort, but chances are good that skewered hot dogs are not it when it comes to tattoos. Especially with those dudes climbing them. The hot dog satellite is a maybe, though.
5. Scream Dream, Ted Nugent Ted Nugent in a loincloth is the stuff nightmares are made of, so that automatically makes this album a no-go for tattoo art. But when you throw in the Nuge's guitars as arms, it just makes you wake up disconcerted and confused, rather than terrified of said loincloth.
We'd also like to point out that guitars as arms would be the epitome of counterproductive, no? You can't play those guitar arms with your feet, Nuge. But you can't get that loincloth off, either, so perhaps guitar arms are not all bad.
4. Satan Is Real, The Louvin Brothers If Satan is real, we're going to hope that's not an accurate portrayal of him, or we're going to giggle. What happened to the creepy metal Satan who is actually a bit unnerving? This Satan looks like he belongs on South Park, and he's not scary at all.
Know who else won't be especially scary with something like this tattooed on a bicep? You. You won't be scary, because that cartoon Satan is not metal. He's kinda fancy, though, and we like that about him. Just not enough to wear him permanently.
List continues on the next page.
3. Evolution, Blood On the Dance Floor These bros threw on everything ever, including the entire MAC counter at Macy's, and decided that the result should be forever recorded on their album cover. A for effort, but perhaps next time they should follow that old rule about taking off one accessory before you leave the house. Even if you like the explosion of lipstick and ridiculousness, you still shouldn't attempt to tattoo this on your body in any manner.
This would be a way more acceptable look if the album cover wasn't from 2012. Or this century. But bat wings and the dayglo makeup are a bit much, no? It would also be very hard to accurately portray that glowing vest thing in tattoo form. Just stay away from this whole hot mess.
2. Rat On!, Swamp Dogg True story: someone we know well -- who may be a brother of the person writing this -- tattooed a sweet-ass band homage on his body. What is it, you say? It is a rat. A rat with a needle. The actual album escapes us, mainly because we're a bit giggly every time we see it. Ah, the sweet decisions of our youth. (We can't judge too hard, though. An ugly pink skull is peeking out from our sleeve as we type this.)
Learn a lesson from our utterly awesome bro (aside from that tattoo) please, and don't tattoo anything with a rat on your body. Especially this. One day you'll have a big-boy job, and you'll stare at that tattoo with disdain as it peeks out of your scrubs. Lasers can't remove everything.
1. No Love Deep Web, Death Grips This cover is a penis that somebody wrote on with a Sharpie (trust us), because Death Grips are all hardcore and shit. Guillotiiiiiiiiiiiiine! We put up the censored version because the uncensored one makes us a bit gaggy.
You can like the Death Grips, and even the album cover if you like, but don't tattoo this penis on your body. Or on your penis. Just don't.
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