Great Moments in Douchebaggotry is brought to you by Rocks Off's upcoming "Washington Shore" party, Thursday, February 11 at the Washington Avenue Drinkery. All types of douchebags are encouraged to attend. The word "douchebag" has changed in the past 20 years or so. It used to be a word more specifically relating to criminal scum of the sort NYPD Blue's Andy Sipowicz would scream at or bare his ass to. Over the years, however, it has come to mean all kinds of ill-mannered, clichéd lowlifes, and today Great Moments in Douchebaggery would like to examine the alpha-bro douche, Fred Durst. Any time you see a guy with the appearance of a frat boy rocking out to Staind or Stone Sour or some other brand of woe-is-me slog-rock too whiny to be metal, you have one man to thank: the former lead singer of a band called Limp Bizkit. About a decade ago, we, as a nation, were briefly fascinated by his mouthy, woman-hating wigger character before most of us realized it wasn't a character, shuddered mightily, and moved on. It was difficult to pick just one douchebag moment out of Durst's douchey life, but for now, we're going with the sex tape. Supposedly, Fred's phone was hacked and the video was posted on the Internet for all to see, although we consider the odds very good that Fred actually posted the video himself, since he was vain enough to record it and his career is a testament to the fact that the man has no idea when he's failing.
For journalistic authenticity, we tracked down the video. Trust us, you'd rather not; not only is it nightmarish, but now our computer has chlamydia. What's surprising is how often the camera focuses on Fred's dick. Well... surprising only if you've never heard of Fred Durst before.
The video leads to quite a few troubling questions, including: how many times has Durst recorded himself fucking? Does he always focus on himself this much? Does he have videos of himself jerking off? How many? Does he watch snuff films as the only way to get himself off? Does he have a montage somewhere of his orgasms edited together, one after the other in rapid succession, which he likes to show at parties? If you see this video, does Fred Durst's penis come out of your TV and kill you seven days later?
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Thank you for recording yourself rutting with a fashion model, Fred. This truly was a douchebag moment to remember.