Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and, sometimes awkwardly, tie it to a bit of Houston rap. It's five videos and occasional cussing. Send tips to firstname.lastname@example.org. Note: A regular reader passed along a story that interested us greatly, so for this edition of Five Spot we will momentarily end our non-Houston rap embargo. Buzz is beginning to circulate again that the Hot Boyz, perhaps the South's greatest kitsch rap group of all time, is going to reunite for another album soon. If we recall correctly, this first happened back in 2007 when the NBA All-Star Game was held in New Orleans (the symbolic home to the group), but ended up being shelved when a bunch of people were shot a little while before their resurgent performance was to take place. Hopefully this go round that does not happen again because, contrary to what you may assume, we are not fans of people getting shot. Actually, that's not 100 percent true. We're probably two percent in favor of people getting shot.
We recently met a girl who was hit in both knees by a stray bullet in a parking on the SW side of town during a drive by. The fact that she was hit in both knees by only one bullet - she happened to be standing at an angle that allowed the bullet to travel clean through one and into the other - made her story extremely funny for some reason.
We kept thinking of that episode of Seinfeld where Keith Hernandez spit on Kramer and Newman. And we kept picturing her tumbling to the floor, saying things like "MY KNEES!!!! I'VE BEEN SHOT IN BOTH MY KNEES BY ONE BULLET!!!" How often does anyone ever get shot in both knees by one bullet? Never. How can you not root for this to happen at least two percent of the time?
At any rate, we're pumped about the possible reunion. Here are some videos that you probably haven't heard seen the beginning of the decade that are going to make you smile when you watch them.
"We On Fire"
The brainless sway and bounce of this song is fabulous - we have to go no further than 24 seconds before we get our first unnecessary reference to an Eskimo - but its aural goofiness is actually one-upped by the video itself.
Rewatch the first 15 seconds. When the ATF people show up to (presumably) bust the Hot Boys, Juvenile tries to lead an escape. Only when they get to the door we see Juvey shake the handle and then shout, "Man, the door locked, let's get up outta here." Then they crash through a window. But they're inside the house. Inside. And they can't figure out how to get out. That's just fantastic.
If you watch in slo-mo, it's like you can almost see Juvey thinking, "Shit, the door is locked! What do we do now?! Should I unlock the door?! No! There's no time! We'll never be able to figure out this damned deadbolt! I've got it! There's a bay window in the dining room! C'mon guys!"
"I Need A Hot Girl"
1. It has always been our contention that Mannie Fresh is part koala bear. Look at him. How can anyone deny this?
2. Part of the reason that Tupac was so beloved was that he championed the average woman. Fresh seems to have taken that to the next logical step by requiring that for a woman to be a coveted hot girl she must only a) be from the ghetto; and b) be in possession of "arms, legs, back and breast." Cool. So pretty much everyone from New Orleans, then? Thanks, Mannie.
When this song came out, you immediately knew that everyone on the planet was going to be using the phrase "bling, bling." That's always such an awful situation to see coming. It's like knowing 100 percent that you're about to get kicked in the balls about 15 minutes beforehand.
"Number One Stunna"
You know you've "made it" when you can get Steve Harvey to be in your videos. Or you're about to be in the "falling action" phase of your career very shortly. One of those is definitely true.
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"The Block Is Hot"
This was back before Weezy's body was taken over by aliens and transformed into the one of the most marketable rappers of all time. You have to respect how he was able to flip his geographically-based quirkiness into a relatable character trait. We have yet to meet a Louisiana native who was not insane; when all those refugees came over during the hurricane it was like the end scene of Batman when all of the Joker's people were running around being crazy and inconvenient for everyone.
Thank you for your support. Have a safe weekend.