The Christmas ads this year seem to be creepier than ever. Maybe it's the recession.
But what used to be a joyous collection of sledding electric razors and wide-eyed kids running to the tree has turned into something bizarre and cruel.
The five worst offenders:
5. Phillips Senso Touch 3D Razor In some bizarre sci-fi land, a man ignores his woman -- and his dog -- for the pleasures of shaving. Extra points for using muffled sound to indicate just how isolated and misanthropic Shaving Dude is in his protectice cocoon.
4. Tommy Hilfiger's Picnic in Hell We get it, it's supposed to be edgy and get you talking. Idiotically dressed, self-satisfied airheads enduring a picnic you'd attend only via a death threat will get people talking, we suppose. And then a girl gets behind the wheel, drives off and is tragically killed when she hits a deer, crippling it, and then crashes into a a ditch (Not shown.)
3. Hyundai's Wacky Indie Cutie Straight outta Williamsburg, in spirit if not reality, some oh-so-cool duo, featuring a singer straight from the indie-cute mold, does a quick-cut version of a holiday song. Isn't she cute? Isn't he hip? What's the car they're selling, anyway?
2. Yogi Freaking Bear This just looks awful, both as entertainment and as an indictment for Hollywood's utter lack of creativity. And America as a civilization, for that matter.
1. Dad Tortures Child Over Christmas Tree The joy of Christmas, as seen through a little girl's eyes. Her uber-materialistic father is actually deigning to spend time with her -- and not on a cell phone while he's doing it! -- only to systematically and repetitively crush her dreams as she points out a Christmas tree she likes. "Not big enough," says the closeted size queen. "But it's the biggest one they have," says the girl, in a tone normally reserved for finding out her favorite pet is dead.
You could argue, of course, that none match the creepiness of the incestuous Folger's ad.