The relatively well-known younger sister of a fabricated pop star exchanged vows this past Saturday with an upper middle class young man from the posh suburbs of Chicago who has attempted to create a punk rock affectation although the band he fronts is quite slickly produced and well-funded.
The bride, also a fabricated pop singer created by a Svengali father who once publicly commented about the size of his oldest daughter’s breasts, wore a gown by Monique Lhuillier. The groom, who once starred in a video with an orangutan, chose his English bulldog to serve as the couple’s ring bearer.
Those in attendance included the fabricated pop star herself, well-known for a somewhat humorous and certainly planned comment about tuna fish, the boyfriend of the fabricated pop star – an important athlete – and the fabricated pop star’s former assistant, who brought along her boyfriend, the bald black guy from “Scrubs” who was also in “Clueless.” Also in attendance was Nicole Richie.
It is not known whether or not the bride, who famously lip-synced on live television and continues to deny an obvious rhinoplasty, was as virginal as her older sister claimed to be on her own wedding day. Rumors surrounding a pregnancy seem to suggest otherwise. The older sister’s first marriage to a second-tier boy band singer now hosting reality television shows ended in divorce.
The groom, a bassist whose photograph litters angst-ridden middle-school girls’ bedrooms everywhere, was quoted in People magazine as saying, “The truth is, it’s crazy to be able to kiss your best friend. It’s just a really awesome thing.”
It is not known where the couple plan to honeymoon, but they will certainly continue to reside in La La Land. – Jennifer Mathieu