We were as shocked, shocked as anyone to hear rumors that Jersey Shore alum Paul Delvecchio, AKA "DJ Pauly D," had "creeped" on fellow MTV reality star Farrah Abraham (Teen Mom). Mankind's future is safe, however, since Pauly D himself has squashed the story:
Sorry, MTV fans: no Jersey Shore/Teen Mom crossover episodes just yet. DJ Pauly D did not make sweet music with controversial Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham.
Pauly D, 27, slammed recent rumors that he and Abraham hooked up during a deejaying gig in Houston, Texas.
"I have never been to Houston, but I do think she's hot," Delvecchio told RadarOnline.
Adds his rep: "That's silly, that's not happening...He's never met the girl." And despite Pauly's constant "creepin" on his reality smash, the rep says that, off camera, "Pauly's definitely not dating anyone. He just doesn't have time."
That's truly heartbreaking news. But on the bright side, Hair Balls has learned Pauly D is coming to town after all! Houstonians will have the chance to rub fake baked elbows with an honest-to-Guido member of the East Coast glitterati at an...as-yet undetermined location on...an unspecified date.
This information was rendered -- slightly -- more interesting after word spread recently that the Providence, RI native and Ed Hardy poster boy had been in negotiations to spin at the Vintage Club, then backed out after issuing a last minute demand for an extra $10,000 to make the appearance.
Is ten grand really too much to pay for someone who's mostly recognizable on this coast as "the guy with all the hair gel in his suitcase?" Good question. (Allegedly) jacking your rate up in the eleventh hour is a shitty move, though, and leads us to wonder how Pauly D ever became financially comfortable enough to turn his nose up at that kind of money. Rhode Island must be quite the mecca for electronica.
And since our minds tend to spin off in weirdly offensive directions, the story got us thinking: Where would such an (alleged) act place Delvecchio on the hierarchy of detestable Italians?
Now let me say up front that I am in no way indicting the Italian people as a whole...I'm German, so believe me when I say I don't want to go down that road. But -- like every other nationality -- they've got their share of scumbags. The good news for Pauly D is: he wouldn't even have come close.
Marco Materazzi -- Defender, Inter Milan
In a sport that is already full of drama queens and D-level actors who flop to the ground if a shadow crosses the field, Materazzi still stands out. The 6'4" centre back routinely places his foot in groins, shins, ankles as often as on the ball, then completes his dickery by offering to help the fallen stand back up. Thanks to Materazzi, Italy is more hated now than any time since WWII.
...well that's what I heard.
Caligula -- Third Roman Emperor
Forget all the (alleged) stories about incest with sisters, turning the Imperial palace into a brothel, and trying to make his horse a consul...what kind of sick bastard annexes Mauretania?
Benito Mussolini -- Il Duce
Prime Minister of Italy, founder of Italian fascism, "First Marshal of the Empire." Mussolini was all of these (and he made the trains run on time), but I prefer to remember him by the term I just now coined in his honor: "Ducebag."
Roberto Benigni -- Director/Hot Dog
It wasn't bad enough he made a movie about the Holocaust so schmaltzy and offensive it makes you wonder if Jerry Lewis' The Day the Clown Cried could possibly be any worse, but beating Ian McKellen (Gods and Monsters) for Best Actor? Unforgivable.
Silvio Berlusconi -- Italian Prime Minister
The current PM of Italy has provided enough tabloid fodder -- over alleged corrpution, Mafia ties, and infidelity -- to make the peccadilloes of our own politicans seem rank amateurs by comparison. Berlusconi has also drastically increased government control of the media and changed laws directly related to his own legal disputes. No wonder George W. Bush is such a big fan.