The tattoo is the result of a bet. A dolphin with a tribal tattoo props its fin up on an old La-Z-Boy while it smokes a bong. It’s a meta-tattoo, and it’s hilarious. Or, as the caption inNo Regrets: The Best, Worst, & Most #$%*ing Ridiculous Tattoos Ever
, by Aviva Yael & P.M. Chen, with a forward by David Cross (!), reads, “I can’t decide who I want to give an awesome beej to more: the dude who thought of it or the dude who actually got it.”
Yael and Chen looked at thousands and thousands of tattoos before choosing the most entertaining ones for this book. The idea was born over drinks, of course, when one of their friends told the story of a girl he dated who had a lower-back tattoo of an “alien sitting on a mushroom smoking a hookah.”
In his foreword, David Cross wonders when the tattoo “stopped being the sole province of the badass.” Tattoos are so ubiquitous, he fully expects to see “a twenty-color tableau of Bea Arthur giving Alex Trebek a hand-job on the calf of the professional dog walker ahead of us in line at the community garden’s bike repair shop.” Even though it hasn’t happened yet.
That we know of. There seem to be few places the tattoo hasn’t gone. The book is full of examples of strange tattoos of people – there’s Conan O’Brien grinning in full pompadour, a wild-eyed Jack Black, Snoop Dogg in do-rag, Dr. Phil (on an ass), the Price Is Right dude, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, the guy who played Al Bundy and, um, Hitler. There’s also a half Patrick Swayze/half horse. WHY? The only answer I can come up with is that people are insane. And they like alcohol.
Some of the tattoos are just repulsive, like the ones of a toilet blasting, a used tampon being lit like a bomb, and a masturbating monkey pooping. Others might make you cry from laughing – like the one of one Jesus Christ mounting another Jesus Christ, who’s wearing a ball gag. The caption really makes this one: “Jesus fucking Christ? Jesus fucking Christ!”
Actually, most of the captions are pretty great. The one of a unicorn saying “Boo-yah” reads, “All the magical Unicorns of Greenwood Forest speak Ebonics.” A lower-back tattoo reads: “I’M GONNA KILL YOU, RAY ROMANO.” The caption: “Who are you and why aren’t we friends?” After cracking up through No Regrets, I feel the same way about the authors. – Cathy Matusow