HISD teachers, you have been warned: the drug-sniffing dog is coming for you. Superintendent Abe Saavedra told reporters the dog will be visiting every campus to check the employee parking lots.
Of course, publicity about the string of teacher-drug arrests hasn't stopped teachers from bringing drugs onto campus (Drugs: They really help with the thinking process!).
And even if they don't bring their stash to work anymore, that damn dog might lock on a stray seed or stem, and you're as busted as if you had five kilos.
We thought we had a great plan to help.
Teachers no doubt are scrambling to get their cars detailed as quickly as possible, with extra emphasis on vacuuming the inside, and don't forget the glove compartment, dammit.
So we called Bill Lawrence, the head of the Bubbles Car Wash chain, to see if he'd be interested in giving free detailing to HISD teachers.
After all, on Veteran's Day everyone claiming to be a vet got a free car wash, no questions asked.
Surely he could do the same for druggie teachers, right?
"Ummm," he said when we got him on the phone. "Okay. Huh."
This wasn't going too well. We were about to start in on how it's all about the kids, really, when Lawrence offered this: "Yeah, I tell you what. I am standing in line at the bank. Can I call you back in 15, 20 minutes tops when I get back to my office?"
Sure, we said. And an hour later we're still waiting for that call back.
Teachers, we tried. You're on your own.
-- Richard Connelly