The reward has gone up to $15,000 for tips leading to the arrest of the child molester who escaped from TDCJ by hiding a gun and pretending to be wheelchair-bound. (Trenchant analysis by a TDCJ spokeswoman: "[Arcade Joseph] Comeaux was in a wheelchair, which he claimed was necessary for his mobility. Since he was able to flee on foot, his claims of limited mobility obviously are in question."
Yes, we'd say they are "in question." Although maybe he scampered off with a slight limp.
At any rate, it seems the guards at TDCJ need some help identifying people who may not exactly need the wheelchairs they're using. For future reference, then, be on the lookout for these types:
1. Anyone looking like Eddie Murphy.
Hard as it may be to believe, this guy just could be putting you on.
2. Anyone who looks like George Costanza.
"What you got there? The four-volt? I did you a favor."
3. This guy.
Moves pretty good for someone in a wheelchair. He's probably a child molester.
What process should be used to determine fraud? Luckily, we have a training film.
Don't thank us. We're just here to help.